At the ripe old age of 29, I am slowly coming to the realization that I may no longer be “hip”.
Evidence of this includes:
- my growing reluctance to stay awake past 10pm
- unfamiliarity with the majority of award show performers (Ariana who now?)
- increased disillusion with music festivals and all other non-seated events
- the fact that I used the word “hip” in quotations in the preceding sentence.
Perhaps the biggest, and most troubling sign, however, is my complete and utter hopelessness when it comes to today’s slang. This was made clear to me recently when a friend described an online date she went on as “a total catfish”. Say what? “You went on a date with a sea creature??” I asked, imagining the two of them at a fancy restaurant, plates full of plankton.
“Uh, no” she said looking at me like I had three heads “it means when someone pretends to be someone they’re not online… like the MTV show?”
I wish I could say that was the only time this happened – but alas, over the past year, there have been a number of times I’ve been left with a blank stare, scrambling to urbandictionary.com to break the code, like a less-cool, worse-cheekboned Alan Turing.
Because I love you and don’t want you to suffer the same fate, I’ve compiled a list of the top 6 slang words I learned in 2014, together with definitions, and how to use each in a sentence so you can be just like the cool kids.
Bitter; angry; used to connote a general bad attitude.
E.g. “She was salty when she discovered Real Housewives of Miami had been cancelled”
Common; unsophisticated; transparent; generally unoriginal
e.g. “Homegirl bought a year’s supply of Pumpkin Spice Latte Mix. She’s so basic”
An inherent understanding of what to share on social media, when, and on what platform.
E.g. “Did you see that terrible status Alyssa posted on Facebook? Girl has ZERO sharewithal”
E.g. “Sorry for being such a webisode last night, I had way too much Pinot Grigio”
I’m sure most of you know this one now that Pharrell has sung it to death, but did you guys know it is actually an ACRONYM? It stands for “Before Anyone Else” and can be used to describe your significant other, bestie, something incredibly cool etc.
E.g. “Nutella is, and always will be my bae”
6. Turnt Up
Getting loose/wild; crazy partying
E.g. “I drank TWO glasses of wine while watching Extreme Weightloss Last Night. Sh*t was turnt UP”
To Dodge or dismiss someone.
My Friend: “Do you want to do a juice cleanse with me?”
Me: “SWERVE, b*tch!”