10 Great Things About Fall (Besides Pumpkin Spice Lattes)

Fall is right around the corner, and you know what that means: crisp weather, colorful foliage, and a barrage of pumpkin-spice themed posts in your newsfeeed.

Source: http://www.someecards.com

I mean, don’t get me wrong- I love a good PSL myself, but there are so many other great things about fall that don’t get nearly the airtime they deserve. Like:

1. No more excessive sweating 

If, like me, you spent the entire summer rocking a solid 10 on the Whitney scale,

then you will undoubtedly be pumped about the cooler weather. No more sweltering subway rides, no more giant pit stains by the time you get to work, no more looking at your hairdryer with murderous intent .

Aaaah.

http://www.shemazing.net

2. Goodbye crop tops and jean shorts, hello layers

and, on a related note:

3. Swimsuit season is officially over

Celebrate with all the pumpkin flavored deliciousness you want because  you’ve got almost a full year before anyone has to see your ass in a bathing suit again.

4. Thigh chafing is a thing of the past

Put away the body glide, ladies and slip yourself into some nice, comfy leggings- because thigh chafing summer dress season is o-vaa.

5. You won’t have to listen to this song on the radio 24/7 anymore

(…..at least until next summer)

6. People will finally stop asking you to go camping

Source: giphy.com

7. Your Instagram feed will contain way less of this:

….not that I follow Justin Bieber or anything

8. Good TV is back

……goodbye outside world.

Source: indiepepper.com

 9. No more constant crowds

No more wading through intense crowds everywhere you go and trying in vain not to photobomb shots of the CN tower.

…and finally:

10.  Stay home guilt-free

No need to feel guilty about missing beautiful days outside anymore- feel free to binge-watching  Netflix and stay home alone to your heart’s content.

Question of the Day: What are you most looking forward to about fall?

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Confessions of an Urban Eavesdropper

I have a confession to make.

I, BreezyK, am a serial eavesdropper.

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While some might consider this behavior rude, sneaky, or generally unbecoming, I prefer to think of myself as suffering from a rare form of chronic, insatiable curiosity. Eavesdropping, as it happens, is the only known cure.

Fortunately for me, a big city like Toronto is an eavesdropper’s paradise. Every subway ride, every elevator journey, every meal at a shoebox-sized hipster restaurant is a new listening adventure. While most of what I overhear is banal – mundane recounts of traffic, gym sessions, and other hallmarks of everyday urban life-  every so often, I catch a moment of greatness. A bit of salacious gossip, a funny anecdote, or some downright bizarre sh*t that can  keep me going for days. (Or, let’s be honest- at least 20 minutes).

My eavesdropping habit is further magnified by the fact that I live in a high-rise condo building, filled with hundreds of other tenants from all walks of life. While it’s rare that I actually speak to any them, I spend a lot of time observing my neighbours in elevators, hallways and other communal areas; slowly piecing together my own running narratives about their respective lives.

Me, but more discreet.
Me, but more discreet.
  • There’s Mrs. Yang, the elderly Chinese lady who only ever wears three pairs of pajamas (all at once) and I’m convinced is actually a Russian Spy concealing weapons;
  • “Speedo Guy”, a portly, middle-aged Eastern European man who insists on blessing our building’s communal sauna with his commanding presence, spray-tan and perpetually hard-working piece of nylon;

…….and, of course

  • “Shortie Superman”- the muscled, 5’6, Dean-Cain looking dude from my condo gym who I’ve been waging a cold war with  for the past few months now. He never smiles, hogs the freestanding bench, and holds the  TV remote hostage, insisting on playing terrible, testosterone infused programs for the duration of my workout. (I mean, does he not KNOW 7pm is my Real Housewives of Atlanta hour??)
  • Needless to say, I’ve determined that he is a miserable, vengeful asshole who abstains from alcohol and eats only spinach.

Anyhow. While some of these characters I know I’ve got dead on (Speedo Guy for SURE loves European disco music), I worry I’ve rendered others too fanciful (I mean, maybe Mrs. Yang just likes layers?).

As you can see, some surreptitious eavesdropping is often necessary to fill in the gaps.

So, you can imagine my delight when recently, I hit the eavesdropping goldmine. It was around 9pm, and I had just returned  home from a work event. Exhausted and slightly woozy from the firm-sponsored chardonnay, I opened my balcony door to get some fresh air. I was putting together my compulsory two-advil and a tall glass of water nightcap when I heard the unmistakable sound of tortured, emotional voices coming from the balcony of the apartment down the hall.

I immediately rushed to the door to get a better listen:

I’m just, so confused said a frustrated male voice, “I thought you wanted to be in a relationship”

“I did! I mean, I thought I did” replied an apologetic  female voice. “I guess I’m just not ready.”

“But you said you were ready”, he responded “You said I was the one!”.

“I’m just trying to be real with you”, she replied “there are just so many things I want to accomplish”

“Like what?” he asked

“Like, I don’t know… travelling? And like, working on my music?”

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“Oh, you mean your laptop DJ gig?” he countered

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I stole a quick peek outside, and spotted a distressed-looking dude, holding an iphone at a distance.

This sh*t was going down on speakerphone??

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…But something about the compact, glossy haired figure looked familiar, so I edged out a little further,  and confirmed my suspicions. The dumpee was none other than…………. Shortie Superman himself!!!

Just kidding this is a pug. He was actually a man.
(Ok so he wasn’t actually a pug)

I realized that in all of our passive-agressive gym battles, I’d never actually spoken to the guy. But now here I was -listening to one of his most intimate and painful conversations. And I felt kind of bad about it.

…. but bad enough to stop?

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Plus, all those hours of Man vs. Food he made me endure? This dude had it coming.

As I listened to each argument and counterargument unfold (“But I took you to meet my parents!”/”I love you, I’m just not IN love with you”), I realized that every breakup sounds vaguely the same.

One party is all:

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While the other’s like:

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And in spite of myself, I started to feel a little bad for the guy. With every blow she delivered (“You’re gonna find someone great!/Let’s still be friends!”) he seemed less like the evil caricature I created, and more like a real-life human being.

Because let’s be honest- we’ve all been there. And that, my friends, is a deep dark place.

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So maybe next time I see him, I’ll take it easy on the cut-eye and let him watch Swamp People unperturbed. Because God knows, dude could use a break.

Question of the Day: Are you an eavesdropper? Overheard anything good lately?

 P.S.  I changed my blog name and layout. Figured The Ol’ Camel was due for an upgrade. Hope you dig it!

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Friday Five

It’s been a long week, amiright guys?

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Thanks for sticking it out with me for another week of daily posts. Just to recap, I:

If you haven’t checked them out already, make sure to do so. I loved reading all of your feedback – especially the amazing high school fashion moments. Y’all had serious swagger.

So since it’s Friday, and I’m straight-up spent, here are 5 random things I’ve been thinking about this week:

1. Ja’Mie: Private School Girl

If you’ve ever watched the hilarious HBO Mockumentary Summer Heights High, then you already know and love the priceless J’Amie King.

"Public schools are so random!"
“Public schools are so random!”

Well, somewhere the television Gods are smiling down on us because Ja”mie now has HER OWN SHOW!

Played by Chris Lilley (yes, that’s a grown-ass man, folks) the show premieres on November 24 on HBO and follows Ja’Mie on her final weeks of high school. Here’s a link to the 11 best moments from the trailer… and if you just can’t get enough Ja’Mie, Lily wrote a great post recently on her love affair with the profound, completely self-aware high-schooler.

2. This Sweet Hat

I stumbled across this amazing hat at the Drake General Store the other day (side note- do NOT go in there if you are on a budget. You will walk out $200 poorer with more novelty salt and pepper shakers than you know what to do with) and I knew I had to own it right then:

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East Coast represent! It’s almost making me kind of excited for it to get cold out. Almost.

3. Emergen-C

So earlier this week I started to feel that telltale tickle in my throat, and freaked the eff out. I hate being sick and am the ultimate baby, so I knew I had to nip those germies in the bud. I started taking Cold FX (which is really just a super-high dose of Echinacea), when one of my coworkers recommended this god-send of a product

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You guys. This stuff is AMAZING. It’s basically a super concentrated dose of Vitamin C in powder form that you dissolve in water. Each packet has something like 15 times your daily recommended intake, and gives you an immediate little boost of energy. The guy at the health food store told me that Viatmin C “megadosing” is apparently a thing now and will cure whatever ails you. In Vegas, they even do straight Vitamin C IV’s to cure hangovers!

So of course after hearing this, I’ve become obsessed with consuming as much Vitamin C as humanly possible.  I’m supposed to be maxing out at 2 of these little packets a day, but I’ve been taking……… more than that. Although I don’t think there are any real side effects, last night I started to worry that I might turn orange. You know, like when babies  eat too many pureed carrots?

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Will you all still be my friends if my skin turns a vibrant shade of Burnt Sienna? Who knows, maybe I’ll end up with my own reality show?? A girl can dream….

4. Celebrity Breakups

First it was Catherine and Michael. Then Miley and Liam. Then, after 22 years of reality shows marriage Kris and Bruce Jenner.

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Now it’s THE JONAS BROTHERS???

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What is the world coming to? (And don’t you dare say “their senses”. Smart A$$).

5. Thanksgiving (and Nova Scotia, Eh?)

This Monday is Canadian Thanksgiving, and I’m off to Nova Scotia to spend the weekend with my family and friends.

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I can’t wait to chill with my nieces, go for pointless drives around town and start the 72-hour food-to-mouth train rolling.  As the youngest of 5, Thanksgiving has always been quite the scene in my house. If you are bored or need a sleep aid, here’s a little story I wrote about my family and Thanksgiving last year.

Question of the Day: What are your plans for Thanksgiving?

(or if you’re not a Canuck, what are you up to this weekend?)

Friday Five

So it’s only my fourth day of consecutive posting, and I’m already exhausted. Remind me again why I signed up for this??

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Since writing a post about one coherent topic feels like A LOT right now, here instead are a bunch of random things I’ve been thinking about lately, all wrapped up under one alliterative title! Enjoy!

1. SNL

(and the amazingness that is BLERTA)

This past Saturday, SNL debuted for it’s 39th season; and because I’m kind of a loser die hard, I skipped out on a party to stay home and watch it. (Yes, I am aware I’m dying alone.)

Hosted by Tina Fey, it was the first episode in what has been dubbed a “rebuilding year” after the departure of Bill Hader, Fred Armisen, and mah boo Jason Sudeikis, and the addition of 6 new white guys cast members.

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Although I expected the night to be a total disaster, there were actually a few standout moments – like this parody of HBO’s “Girls” introducing Blerta, the Albanian refugee who keeps all those whiny white b*tches in check with her truth-telling. (and should 100% be made into a full-time cast member.. just saying).

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(Canadians can watch the full clip here)

Blerta is seriously my homegirl.

Side note: does anyone else remember those t-shirts?

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I bought one circa 2004 pretty much solely to shock my Catholic parents, and when I wore it I thought I was the SH*T. I also had a t-shirt with Jimi Hendrix’s face on it, despite never actually having listened to Jimi Hendrix. All of this serves as further proof that I am, in fact, a fraud.

2. Fall Weather

I hate to be one of those girls who just can’t S.T.F.U. about fall, but guys, I honestly can’t help it. October is f*cking amazing. Thanksgiving, Halloween, my BIRTHDAY, pumpkins, not sweating Whitney Houston styles on the subway every morning.. I mean, life really doesn’t get much sweeter than that.

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Plus, with this weather I am actually motivated to get out and run for a change. You see, since the Treadmill, Cold Weather and Too Hot Weather are BreezyK Public Enemies #1, 2 and 3, there is really only a short window of opportunity during which running doesn’t completely make me want to kill myself.

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Since we’re currently in the sweet spot, the other day, I decided to go for a run on the Lakeshore path in Toronto and it was glorious. I of course had to instagram it to show all of my friends how superior I am for exercising:

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And in doing so, nearly fell into Lake Ontario. Don’t ever let anyone tell you karma isn’t a b*tch, kids.

3. This

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4. The Return of Primetime TV

With the notable exception of Big Brother, it was a long, dry summer for TV up in here. I was seriously beginning to worry I was going to have to find a hobby or something… Or worse, actually leave my apartment.

On a weeknight?!

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Alas, I can continue my sloth-like ways, because all of my stories have returned to their rightful place inside my dream box. There’s

The New Girl,

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The Mindy Project

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Parks and Recreation, X FACTOR. I could go on. There are also a few new shows that I think might have potential- like Seth MacFarlane’s Dads starring Seth Green and Giovanni Ribisi, and Brooklyn Nine-Nine, starring Andy Samberg as a wise-cracking cop.

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I can’t tell if it’s going to be good or garbage but I will support the co-creator of Laser Cats until the day I die.

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5. Fresh New Tracks

Besides just being the season where outfits look the best on me and my skin glows most luminous, fall is also an amazing season for music. Some of my favourite artists are out with new stuff, like Arcade Fire, and Drake (even though he jacked my outfit) as well as some cool new bands I hadn’t heard before, and I’ve got a few sweet concerts lined up. Here’s a track I’ve had on heavy rotation lately to help carry you into the weekend…..and also make you vaguely crave a pumpkin spice latte.

No? Just me on the latte then?

Question of the Day:

(get ready- because it’s a really deep one)

What’s your favourite season?

You Had Me At “Showstopper”

I bought something from The Shopping Channel the other day. I’m not proud of it. 

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Actually, f*&k that, I’m totally proud. It was a sweet-ass deal.

The incident occurred during a very frequent rare night in. I was sipping my Night Wine and flipping between “Guiliana and Bill” and “Dancing With The Stars” when something glittery and gold caught my eye.

Behold- the “So Status” watch and bracelet set –

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The newest piece by R.J. Graziano- jewellery designer TO THE STARS (uhhhh like MEL B., people), this gold (plated) multi-piece set was on for the “Showstopping” price of only $69.99! That’s almost 50% off regular price! Obviously I needed this pre-packaged elegance in my life.

I’ll admit, I was a little nervous about buying a “luxury” item from a TV infomercial, but I told myself that if it was good enough for Scary Spice, then it was good enough for me.

shop3 I quickly logged online, created a profile and after agreeing to just 3 easy payments of $23.33 (interest free maaaahf*ckas!) my instant glamour was on its way. 

As I waited for my package to arrive, I started receiving daily e-mails from The Shopping Channel featuring the day’s “Showstopper” deal. The products piqued my interest, if only because they were so incredibly random.

There was a Wolfgang Puck cookware set:

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Egyptian cotton sheets: 

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One VERY special Joan Rivers Collection Houndstooth Signature Blazer

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* Available in FOUR DIFFERENT SHADES OF HOUNDSTOOTH!

…. and if Old Lady Chic isnn’t your thing, what about these luxurious drapes? (With Beaded tiebacks!!!)

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…. or how about this thermal back pain pack?

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Oh, and don’t forget the fur-trimmed Mukluks!!

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I started questioning  just what target demographic The Shopping Channel was trying to achieve here. A glamorous Octogenarian housewife with a penchant for entertaining, chronic back pain, and a love of comfortable/yet stylish footwear? Sounded about right. 

Anyway, despite their complete and total irrelevance to my life, I found myself actually considering buying each day’s Showstopper because it was such an “amazing deal”. Didn’t I need new sheets anyway? And I’d been meaning to get into cooking ……Who cares if I have no outfits that go with fur-trimmed Mukluks? At this price, I could afford to buy more!

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Needless to say, my virtual shopping cart continues to pile up at an alarming rate, and I’m beginning to feel the weight of all of those compounded “easy” payments. Clearly there is some sort of void deep down inside me that I’m trying to fill with material things, but in my own delusional way, I completely blame The Shopping Channel and their genius marketing for all of this. I mean, guys.. these deals are for a LIMITED TIME ONLY!!! 

I know an easy solution would be simply to unsubscribe from the newsletter, but I can’t help but feel FOMO that I’m passing up on the next really sweet deal. At some point, I’m probably going to need a shop-tervention- but in the meantime, I’ll just be rocking my Houndstooth blazer, sleeping on Egyptian Cotton and feeling up my fancy-ass drapes in the corner. 

Question of the Day: Have you Ever

bought anything from TV?

How did it turn out? 

10 Inventions From Pop Culture I Wish Were Real

Few films have left such a lasting impact on my life as the 1999 cult classic Office Space.

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Not only are its characters hilarious and its lines highly quotable, its tongue-in-cheek (yet painfully accurate) depiction of corporate culture continues to haunt me in my day-to-day life.

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Anyway, while catastrophizing about my life the other day, I was reminded of one of my favourite anecdotes from the film-  the “Jump To Conclusions Mat”.

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Conceived by the bumbling Tom Sizemore, the Jump to Conclusions mat was, quite simply, a mat that you put on the floor with different CONCLUSIONS that you could JUMP TO.

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I wished I had a jump to conclusions mat myself. Things would be so much simpler (especially if I landed on “moot!” every time).

All of this got me thinking: what other inventions from popular culture would I love to see come to life?  

1. The Delorean Time Machine

Back To The Future

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Where we’re going, we don’t need roads.

Man, what I wouldn’t give to go back in time. On second thought-  I don’t know if I could handle the responsibility. What if it was like that episode of the Simpsons where Homer time travels through a toaster and Ned Flanders becomes dictator of the universe? Or we all end up with giant lizard tongues? Actually, the lizard tongues would be kinda cool. One Delorean, please.

2. Transporter

Star Trek

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Oh, the places I would go with a Transporter.

……Mostly to Sephora and the bulk candy store down the street… but still, Beam me up, Scotty!

3. Mind Control Device

Family Guy

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The brainchild of diabolical toddler-genius Stewie Griffin, this ingenious device allows its holder to completely control the mind of anyone within aiming vicinity.

While Stewie used his  in an elaborate scheme to kill his mother, I’d use mine for much more benevolent purposes…. like convincing all of my coworkers to bring me cupcakes. Mmm. cupcakes.

4. Invisibility Cloak

Harry Potter

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Because I’m inherently 7 years old, I often think about what I would do if I could be invisible for a day. Eavesdropping, sneaking onto international flights and stealing expensive items are all high on my list; but more importantly, I’d probably just pull a lot of people’s pants down.

5. The Transformation Chamber

Family Matters

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Like Steve Urkel’s debonair doppleganger Stefan Urquelle,
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I like to think I have an alter ego inside me just waiting for a Transformation Chamber to come out as well. Her name is Breeyoncé, She is a 5’11 Spanish pop star/diplomat/fugitive who is wanted in several countries for her suggestive on-stage dancing. Recently divorced from Charlie Sheen, she bides her time as Karl Lagerfeld’s muse and has a taste for expensive champagne and wealthy Italian race car drivers. She also rarely sweats, has long, thick, luxurious hair, and never feels awkward at cocktail parties.

6. The Lazy Man Toilet Chair

The Simpsons

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This spectacular device was created by Homer as a way of going to the bathroom while watching TV; because, as he rightly proclaimed, going upstairs is  “the hardest thing in the world.”  I feel you, Homer- and applaud your ingenuity- even if it is really gross.

7. The Hair Helmet

Flight of the Conchords

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While this invention might not be as useful as, say, a teleporter or time-travelling DeLorean,  I still think I’d look pretty bad-ass riding around Toronto in one of these puppies.

Especially if worn in conjunction with Brett’s other inventions: the “camera phone”

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……….and gloves that look like hands.

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8. Everything by Kramerica Industries

Ah Cosmo Kramer. One of the most inventive, yet misunderstood minds of our generation. How could I choose just one invention when we’ve got:

  • The Coffee Table Book about Coffee Tables

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  • the Mansiere (or “the bro”)

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  • the pizza restaurant where you make your own pie

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  • cologne that smells like the beach; and last but definitely not least:
  • Fusilli Jerry
Seinfeld Bus
“I chose Fusilli… because you’re silly”

9. Neutralyzer

Men In Black 

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When you say and do as many awkward things as I do, having a device to easily eradicate others’ memories of your ridiculousness sounds pretttty pretty good. Especially if it comes with a side of Will Smith.

10. The Cornballer

Arrested Development 

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Invented by George Bluth in the mid-1970s,  the Cornballer is.. well, a device used to make cornballs.

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It was made illegal after it was found to cause serious burns, however George continued to market it in Mexico with the help of Richard Simmons.

3rd degree burns or no 3rd degree burns, cornballs are damn delicious. I could use one of these bad boys in my life.

Question of the Day:

What fictional invention(s) do you wish were real?

The Fantasy Boyfriend Draft

It’s that time of year again, folks- when body paint, beer and tailgate parties abound, and the men in your life fall into a state of temporary insanity for the next few months.

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That’s right it’s football season!

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How do I, a girl whose only knowledge of football stems from the movie The Water Boy, even know this, you might ask?

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Because for the past two weeks, I have listened to nothing but my male coworkers and friends discuss their fantasy football leagues.

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While at first I sat there bored to tears, praying for imminent death, after a while the idea of a fantasy draft started to sound kind of appealing to me. Not the football part of course – more the plotting, scheming, strategizing and overall shit-talking involved. I thought, wouldn’t it be cool if there was a fantasy draft focused on something I actually cared about?

…. like boys.

You guys… what if there was A FANTASY BOYFRIEND LEAGUE??

A dream-like place where a roster of all of your ideal boyfriends would compete against teams of other ladies’ choosing in all of the manliest of activities? I’ m talking wood chopping, moustache growing, outdoor survival skills, shirtless acoustic guitar playing, and of course- the manliest of all artisinal crafts: furniture making.

Or maybe they would just fan you with palm fronds and feed you bunches of grapes all day. I haven’t quite figured it all out just yet.

But what I HAVE figured out, is who would make up my team. Hold onto your hats ladies, because the draft is about to begin!

Round 1: Ryan Gosling

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You knew it was coming. Like 99.999% of the other women on the planet, I’ve loved this piece of sexy Canadian man-candy since he first stole my heart as Sean on Breaker High.

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That pleather jacket! My heart be still.

Round 2: Bradley Cooper

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In the event that the reigning Sexiest Man Alive happened to still be available, you better believe he’d be coming home with me as a second round draft pick. Not only has homeboy got the whole rugged, charmingly befuddled thing going on, he also loves his mama.

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Awww.

Round 3: Seth Meyers

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The lovable SNL head writer and Weekend Update host always had a special place in my heart- despite the fact that he is already engaged to a (different) sexy lawyer. Well, Seth- I just have one thing to say about that:

Really? Really?

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Round 4: Joseph Gordon Levitt

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Hey JGL, what’s that vest made of? Oh yeah… BOYFRIEND MATERIAL.

Ever since I saw him rocking out to The Smiths in 500 Days of Summer, I knew the indie heart-throb had to be mine. In fact, I’d take him even with this haircut:

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That’s love.

Round 5: Rafael Nadal

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Since every fantasy boyfriend team needs at least one professional athlete (<– I just made that rule up right now), I have chosen the 12-time Grand Slam winning tennis star and sexy Spaniard that is Rafa. Admittedly- his English is a bit touch and go – but something tells me I could learn look past that.

…..with these biceps. (Please ignore the fact that he looks a bit like Michelangelo in this pic)

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Round 6: Jason Sudeikis

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Damn you and your perfect cheekbones, Olivia Wilde! Why must you take my perfect man away from me!

Round 7: Colin Firth

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This one needs no explaining. If my boy Mark Darcy isn’t the penultimate boyfriend, then I really don’t know who is.

Yes, I like you very much, Colin – just as you are.

Round 8: Chris O’Dowd

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This one falls into my “up and comer” category. I first developed a crush on this Irish hottie when he portrayed Kristin Wiig’s love interest in Bridesmaids. This crush later blossomed into a full-on stalker flower while watching him HBO’s Family Tree. He’s cute, tall, funny, loveable- and I kinda wanna pinch his cheeks.

It’s not weird.

Round 9: Joel McHale

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Joel for me falls into the “underrated” category. He cracks me up every day on The Soup and is hella handsome, but for some reason hasn’t reached leading man status just yet. Don’t worry Joel.. you’re a leading man in my heart.

Round 10: Thomas Mars

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This might seem like a strange pick, given that he is not all that conventionally good-looking, but I’ve been seriously crushing on the Phoenix lead singer since I saw him crowd surf at Lollapalooza.

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Plus, he’s married to Sofia Coppola which officially makes him 1/2 of the coolest couple of all time. Sigh.

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P.S. Did I just use the expression “seriously crushing”?

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Round 11: Jay Baruchel

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I’ve loved the Canadian funny man since I used to watch him on “Popular Mechanics For Kids” alongside Elisha Cuthbert.

Popular Mechanics for Kids l-r Alisha, Jay
Yes, this really happened.

Since he only lives a few hours away in Montreal, I actually kind of like my chances on this one. It’s all about pipe dreams, kids.

Round 12: Prince Harry

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I was about to cut it off at 11, but then I remembered that every fantasy boyfriend team needs a royal! Enter Prince Hot Ginge (or “PHG”). While the reality of ginger babies would be a risk I would have to take, I’m confident PHG’s playfullness, charm and winning smile would outweigh the potential downsides. Plus, I just love attention. Bring on the paparazzi!!

Question of the Day: Who would be on your fantasy boyfriend (or girlfriend) team?

My Life Through Instagram Vol. 2

What up, homies? I know my blog has been about as active as a Giant Panda on Valium lately, and for that I apologize.

Side note: did you know Giant Pandas spend approximately 16 hours a day eating?? 

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We have so much in common.

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Anyway, it’s been a busy few weeks for your girl BreezyK here: weddings, parties, cottage weekends, and most importantly- a new job!

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(Do I get points for the timely Shoppers Drug Mart gif? No? Ok.)

It’s still in law, but no longer in private practice… so I expect the quality of my life to improve drastically to have more regular hours and thus more free time for blogging. (When my busy schedule of grooming and beauty related appointments permits, of course.)

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Those pictures were completely gratuitous.

Anyway, I know I owe you guys a real post (and to read and comment on some of the great stuff you’ve been writing), but as mentioned above, I’m in panda-mode. So in the meantime, I thought I’d give a little update on my life through my favourite fleetingly popular social media platform: instagram.

(You can see my first installment of My Life Through Instagram here.)

If you don’t follow me on Instagram, then you definitely should: @BreezyK1. I am extremely self-absorbed and post a lot of pictures of my manicures. Who doesn’t like that in their newsfeed??

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1.    Someone’s been making mixtapes!

2.    See, I told you. (Hey, when it takes as long as this did, it deserves to be instagrammed) 

3.    Summer BBQs. If you can believe it, there was actually way more food unpictured.

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4.    We clean up aiight 

5.    Sunset over Sugar Lake

6.    Wine and Cheese with a view.. oh you fancy huh  

7.    This album has been getting me through a lot of tough runs lately. Kanye- you may be a crazed egomaniac with questionable child-naming skills, but your beats are solid and your lyrics genius. So thank you for that.  

8.    Champagne celebrations

9.    I challenge you to name me a treat more delicious than s’mores

You just peed in your pants a little, didn't you?

You just peed in your pants a little, didn’t you?

10.  So I joined a softball league this summer- considering the ability to play softball entirely irrelevant. The only thing worse than my batting average is my attendance- but I do contribute to the team by taking glorious, sunset candid shots like this one.. so I think I’m pulling my weight.

11.  My lovely friend Danielle looking fierce at her wedding

12.  Cottage Adventures

13.  Do you… canoe? (Ok that was lame. Forgive me guys, I’ve been out of the game for a while) 

14.  Little father’s day tribute to my pops.. (and some inadvertent product placement. Mmm. Veggie Thins) 

15.  Delicious Sangria by the pool… I am just noticing now how many of these pics involve alcohol.

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16.  A lifesize “The Claw” arcade game set up in the financial district as part of Toronto’s Luminato festival for the arts and creativity. There was actually a dude inside who, when you put money into the machine, tried to retrieve a toy for you with oversize claw-like implements. Everyone cheered when he got one, and when he missed they played the sad fail music from the Price is Right. 

Umm this Youtube video has had over 3 million views. I don’t know why, but that’s awesome.

Question of the Day: What has been the highlight of your summer thus far?

Mine’s probably a tossup between drinking that Sangria and watching the new season of Big Brother.. but I expect that to change when I head to Nova Scotia this weekend!

My Life Through Instagram

I haven’t been very inspired to write lately. Perhaps it’s because of my disillusionment/exhaustion/overwhelming desire to kill myself  general sense of malaise from trying to write a novel in 30 days.

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Or maybe it’s the fact that I was sick with the plague a dreadful cold/flu last week (yeah, in JUNE. THANKS GLOBAL WARMING).

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It actually got so bad that I called in sick to work for the first time in three years. I spent a solid 8 hours watching daytime TV, periodically spraying my throat with Chloraseptic in an effort to stave off the black lung (don’t question my methods) and drifting in and out of consciousness.

………….Lemme tell ya, Anderson Cooper fever dreams are one helluva drug.  

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Oh, and I also just joined a Bachelorette pool at work, so now I have to spend approximately 90% of my time trash-talking all of my colleagues. Drew for the win!

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Anyway, since I am still pretty low on f*cks to give, rather than write a real blog post, I thought I’d try a neat little idea I saw on another blog the other day –  a summary of my life  over the past few weeks through Instagram: 

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1. A sick manicure I got a few weeks ago. It took a ridiculously long time, but those damn little chevrons made me so happy every time I looked at them that it was worth it.

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2. A few weeks back, I received free tickets to the Canadian Opera Company’s performance of Salome at the Four Seasons Center. I was really excited because I had never been to the Opera before, and the whole thing just felt so civilized.

I stole this pic from my friend Lia who was with me and is a great grammer herself
I stole this pic from my friend Lia who is also a great grammer

The performance was in German, and I will admit that for the first 30 minutes, I had no effing clue what was going on. (Even though there were subtitles. I’m just that smart.) Seriously guys, I was beginning to think I was being punked. But then someone on stage got beheaded, and after that I was totally into it

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Afterwards we were given a backstage tour and got to look at all the props (not the decapitated head though. I asked) and see how they do all the high-tech stuff. It was bomb, and if I can ever afford to buy my own tickets, I will totally go back again. So probably never.

3. Starbucks Fail. I feel like I should have been more offended by this.

4. A replica of Peggy’s Cove erected in Toronto’s financial district a couple of weeks ago. I actually thought I was seeing a mirage on my way to work in the morning, but then was lured into the display by a charming Tourism Nova Scotia employee with a familiar accent (damn those hard “A”‘s. They get me every time). I was so entranced by the man in a kilt onstage teaching the awestruck crowd how to properly cook a lobster that I ended up being 20 minutes late for work. #WorthIt

5.  I’m usually not one of those people who instagrams their food (OK, I totally am) but my lunch yesterday from IQ Food Co. was just way too good not to capture. I mean…Sh*t is like a healthy food rainbow.

6. This past Saturday I attended the Field Trip Music Festival in Toronto. The festival  celebrated the 10 year anniversary of Canadian record label Arts & Crafts, and featured a ton of amazing Canadian (and international) artists like Broken Social Scene, Feist, Stars, Bloc Party,  Ra Ra Riot, etc. It was an amazing day filled with friends, music and laughter.

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……Except for a brief period where they ran out of beer. BLAME CANADA.

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7. My new favourite show, Family Tree on HBO. It’s written and directed by Christopher Guest (Best In Show,  This is Spinal Tap) and stars mah boo Chris O’Dowd (the hot cop from Bridesmaids). It’s dry, brilliantly written and hilarious and is cheering me up from my disappointment over the new season of Arrested Development. (I’m only on episode 5- does it get better??)

8. Yogurt is good for you, right? (Side note: Nanaimo bars as a topping?? OMG)

9. I went to check out the flowers at Alan Gardens (It’s my “Serenity Now” place) last weekend and stumbled across this Cactus convention, which apparently, is a thing. Guys, there were so many weird cacti!!

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I spent a good hour checking them all out, and talking to the cactus growers who themselves are just as interesting (speaking of Christopher Guest…). Moral of the story: when life hands you a Cactus, make friends with its grower? #BadParable.

Question of the Day: Do You Instagram?

If so, what’s your handle?For more of this groundbreaking photojournalism, follow me @breezyk1

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