Iron Lady

Last week I achieved yet another domestic milestone: I finally learned how to iron.

Side note: I should really start a spinoff blog called “The Domestication of BreezyK”. At this rate, I will have completely morphed into the Pioneer Woman by 2016.

Other homemaking pursuits I have recently tackled (besides assembling shoe-racks and making everything that can ever be made out of pumpkin):

  • De-seeding pomegranates088
  • Making delicious grilled cheese sandwiches (Ok, so I really just ate this. )093

Pressing the extra water out of tofu

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Wearing Aprons (like a BOSS)

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But I digress.

When it comes to household tasks, ironing, has long been my Waterloo. I have never been able to master it- mostly because I haven’t tried. Just the look of the thing makes me want to run screaming in the other direction and curl up in the fetal position.

This is what you use it for, right?

I think I inherited my resistance to this menacing metal appliance from my mother, who loathed ironing as well. Presumably in an act of defiance, she never taught her 5 children how to use one. This wasn’t really a problem for me growing up, since all I wore were t-shirts and jeans anyway, but it really began rearing its ugly head once I finished school and got a job at a law firm.

Suddenly I was immersed in a world of suits, silk blouses, and relentless pleats.  So how did I get by without looking like this all the time, you might ask?

I dug deep into my arsenal of iron-avoidance techniques, which include:

1. Putting things in the dryer on low heat for a few minutes

I know this is bad behavior for a couple of reasons.

  • most of these clothes are “dry-clean only” (whatever that means)
  • it uses a crap-load of energy. Every time I do it I can literally feel David Suzuki’s disapproving glare.

2. Hanging stuff in the bathroom while I shower

Again, this is not without its issues:

  • it doesn’t really get all of the wrinkles out unless you take a 45 minute, scalding hot shower
  • results in damp clothing, which you have to wait at least 20 minutes to put on

3.  Blowing on the wrinkles with a hairdryer

  • surprisingly effective, yet time-consuming

4.  Just letting stuff hang there for a while

  • In my experience with extreme laziness, if you just leave things alone for long enough, they tend to take care of themselves

5. Using my hair straightener

  • a sad but true confession – I once used my hair straightener to iron out wrinkles on a shirt in a pinch.
  • FYI- since most straighteners are like, 300 times hotter than the typical iron- I wouldn’t recommend this at home.

6.  Putting stuff under my mattress

  • I did this with dress pants one, and it worked ok, but it sort of kept me up all night, because I was convinced I could feel them underneath me like the Princess and the Pea.

    The struggle is real.

As you can see, all of these methods work with varying degrees of accuracy and effectiveness. You would think with the great lengths I have gone to develop ironing substitutes, I could simply invest the time to learn how to iron. But you would be underestimating my pig-headedness.

So basically, instead of this:

I typically look more like this:

Don’t be distracted by the cute puppy, people. There are 300 more words to go

Anyway- after nearly 29 years of successfully avoiding the iron, last week I was  finally forced to confront my biggest domestic fear head on.

We were rushing to get ready for a wedding, when my boyfriend suddenly said, “Hey babe, would you mind ironing this shirt for me?”

I paused. “Um, why don’t I just write on the card instead?”

“I’ve already done that.” he replied, “It would be a big help if you could iron this”  handing me his dress shirt.

I nervously took the shirt from him with two fingers, like a hot potato when I knew the music was about to stop. I immediately began scanning the room for the nearest exit.

“Wait, do you not now how to iron?” he asked, correctly reading my evasiveness.

“But what do you do instead?”

I quickly ran through the list above. The expression on his face was a mix of pure horror and disbelief.

“Ok, well, if that’s working for you.” he said, turning to do the task himself.

“No wait,” I said, swallowing every ounce of my pride. “I want to learn. It’s time”

He led me through a quick ironing tutorial, explaining the different techniques and settings (did I mention I’m dating Danny Tanner?) . Then, he watched as I practiced on an old t-shirt for a few minutes. And guys, I gotta say- it wasn’t that hard. 

In fact, I’m kind of a ringer.

I’d like to say that since then, I’ve been an ironing machine; pressing my jeans and undershirts like a true square; but I must admit that I’ve largely reverted back to my multitude of avoidance tactics. I don’t know, maybe I enjoy the arbitrary sense of suspense it all adds to my life or something. In any event, I don’t run screaming when I see the iron anymore, and that’s gotta count for something.

Question of the Day: What household task do you avoid the most?

 

http://dailypost.wordpress.com/dp_writing_challenge/oh-the-irony/

 

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A Million and One Things To Do With Leftover Pumpkin

I was deep in the middle of my Saturday morning routine (painting my nails and watching PRV’d weight loss shows), when my boyfriend announced he wanted to make pumpkin muffins.

“Great!”I said, “Love pumpkin muffins!”

“Want to help?” he asked

My immediate reaction was:

 

…but, in an effort to be more domestic, I decided to bite the bullet. Plus, he has  been watching a lot of Pioneer Woman lately, and I’m starting to develop a bit of a complex.

Damnit, Ree Drummond! Stop making the rest of us look bad!

“Sure” I responded, Tis the season right?

Since canned pumpkin just “wouldn’t do”, step 1 was  heading to the market to pick up an actual, real-life pumpkin. There, I entertained myself by taking autumnal instagrams

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while my boyfriend agonized over the perfect gourd. Since they were all $2, we ended up walking away with the biggest pumpkin we could find. Literally, it was like, country fair-winning, radioactive isotope variety.

It could happen.

With the help of a wheelbarrow, some patience, and a LOT of complaining on my part, we eventually got the beast home and set about de-gutting the thing.

“You want to do the honors?” he asked me

In my head, I was like:

But deep down I knew that the Pioneer Woman wouldn’t be afraid of a few pumpkin guts. She’d get her strong, ranch hands in there and tear those guts out with her award-winning southern smile. So, I got myself a rubber glove, and was like:

Suffice to say, it was not pretty- but in the end, we got the thing cleaned out, and used the pumpkin flesh to whip up these delicious muffins:

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Only problem was, even after making the muffins, we still had about 98% of the mutant pumpkin left.

“So, what are we going to do with the rest?” he asked “We can’t just throw it out”

Both my patience and will to live were severely compromised at this point, but instead of getting down, I thought to myself: WWRDD – What Would Ree Drummond Do?  B*tch would get in there and whip up some more delicious pumpkin specialties.

“Of course we won’t throw it out!” I choked, “let me Google some ideas!”

I found a website devoted to “50 things you can do with leftover pumpkin” and my mind was literally blown. Up until that point, my experience with pumpkin was  limited to pumpkin pie at Thanksgiving, and the occasional Pumpkin Spice Latte, if I was feeling frisky. This website had everything from pumpkin risotto, to pumpkin flavored margaritas.

I found a recipe for lamb and pumpkin stew that sounded delicious, and decided to attempt it. Guess what? It turned out AMAZING.

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Next, I roasted the pumpkin seeds with some olive oil, smoked paprika and cumin:

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But despite these two further recipes, we had still barely made a dent in the pumpkin. I knew I had to take drastic measures, so I decided to roast the remaining pumpkin and make pumpkin puree.

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At this point, I was starting to get really into it.  I had become obsessed with using every last inch of the pumpkin – even the peel. My boyfriend looked at me with shock and awe as I peeled off the skin of the roasted pumpkin for later use.

“It’s for facials,”  I said, “Did you know pumpkin is amazing for your skin?”

“I think I’ve created a monster,” he replied.

With the pumpkin sufficiently disposed of, the only question remaining was: what to do with all of this damn pumpkin puree?

Um.. smoothies obviously!

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I started with this pumpkin pie smoothie recipe and it was damn delicious.

Ree Drummond better recognize!!
Ree Drummond better recognize!!

Things were going so well, I decided to try another smoothie- this time a “Green” variety. This one included pumpkin, spinach, frozen banana and almond milk.

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Uhhhh… guys- do not try this one at  home.

When I told my best friend about all of this, she couldn’t believe my domestic prowess, and challenged me to use the leftover pumpkin for her birthday cake.

Even though I had never baked a cake in my entire life , I’m not one to back down from a challenge- so I got my apron on and set to work.

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I won’t lie that the process was a little touch and go….

 

But with a LOT of help from my boyfriend, we did it:

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A three-tiered, pumpkin spice cake with cream cheese frosting:

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The cake was a big hit at the party (mostly because I forced everyone to eat it while repeatedly yelling “Can you believe it?? I MADE that sh*t!!” in their faces) – and thankfully I have used up most of the remaining pumpkin (I was seriously starting to worry I was going to turn orange there for a while).

Do I have a future in food blogging? Probably not- but I’d still like to think I could give the Pioneer Woman a run for her money.

Question of the Day: What is the most ambitious thing you’ve ever cooked?

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