30 Lessons On My 30th Birthday

It’s coming for me. Rearing around the bend like a freight train. I can’t run. I can’t hide.  All I can do is curl up in a ball and accept my fate of crows feet, fiscal responsibility and mythical two-day hangovers.

Tomorrow, I will be turning 30.

Ok- so maybe I’m overreacting a little bit. There are some good things about turning 30- like never having to wear cut-off jean shorts or attend a music festival again. Plus, I’ve picked up a few nuggets of wisdom along the way. Here, in no particular order, are 30 things I’ve learned in 30 years here on earth.

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1. Never trust anyone with bad eyebrows. NEVER.

2. No juice cleanse is ever worth it

3. You can’t change genetics. The body you’re born with is going to be the body you have to deal with for the rest of your life, +/- a few pounds…. No matter how many juice cleanses you (don’t) do

4. Speak up in meetings. Even if you think you have nothing to say, find something so people can hear your voice and know that you’re there

5. The 5 minutes between when you wake up and when that sweet, sweet caffeine hits your veins are invariably the worst of your day. Soldier through, and it can only get better.

6. Take the job/opportunity you feel unqualified for

7. Jennifer Anniston movies are always going to get approximately 37% on Rotten Tomatoes.

8. Being able to do your own winged eyeliner is a highly valuable and transferable life skill

9. Time spent watching The Bachelor is never time wasted

10. Listen to your mama about who you let into your life. She can always sniff out the bad seeds (and the good ones) long before you can.

11. Don’t worry if you suck at driving. Google is inventing self-driving cars by 2017 anyway. Along with hoverboards, automatic tooth flossers, and that machine that spits out food from the Jetsons.

12. Going to bed at 10pm is never a bad idea.

13. You CAN learn to love (or at least not loathe) exercise if you force yourself to do it enough

14.  If you realize you’re not smelling so hot on the way to a fancy event and the only thing around is a bottle of Febreeze, it will do as a makeshift deodorant (I may have just learned this last night.) Ain’t no shame in smelling like your aunt Marg’s spare bedroom.

15.  Wear sunscreen. Every day. Even in a snowstorm. Even when you’re sitting on your couch watching an Extreme Weight Loss marathon. Seriously. The sun is not your friend

16. Know your limits and when to say no. If you have a hard time with that, here are some GIFs you can use as inspiration:

 

 

17. Family is BAE. Even when they’re acting a fool and driving you crazy. Protect them always and never make excuses for them

18. Having thin hair is not a death sentence in this wonderful world of cheap and plentiful hair extensions

19. Sometimes you just gotta admit you’re the problem.

20. Don’t waste your time looking for the next best thing

21. You will have the frequent occasional Low Self-Esteem Tuesday. Drink a big glass of red wine, call a good friend and sleep it off.  Tomorrow will be a better day.

22. Patience is a virtue and one not many people possess. Having it will set you apart

23. Never let anyone see you sweat. Except at hot yoga cause ain’t no way you’re avoiding that

24. Embrace your quirkiness (I don’t know, maybe even start a blog about it)

25. Demand more for yourself. Kick anyone to the curb who isn’t giving you 150%

26. No one’s life is ever as good as it seems on Instagram

27. Being vulnerable once in a while is OK

28. Nutella makes everything better

29. Don’t be scared to take the occasional risk. Fortune favors the bold (although, mostly just rich people)

30. You can always find the humor in everyday life- you just need to look for it

Question of the day: Anything to add to my list? 

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Be Our Guest

While I am by no means a natural “planner”, I like to think I’ve risen to the occasion on this whole “bride to be” thing. Over the past few months I have somehow overcome my paralyzing laziness and successfully managed to set a date, pick a venue, order a cake and even source the perfect, realistic looking human hair extensions (seriously guys, I look like a Real Housewife in them. In a good way).

I was beginning to feel confident- dare I say, even a tad cocky- in my wedding planning abilities –

Until we met with the event coordinator at our venue last week.

We were there for our food tasting, but as soon as I took the first bite of my grilled Cornish hen, she pulled out her clipboard and launched into a line of questioning.

“Have you thought about your seating arrangement? Colour of the chairs? What time will the cake cutting be? What about favors? What about a candy bar? Everyone is doing a candy bar these days. And how many speeches will there be and what is your social insurance number and can I please have your first-born child?”

I was like:

“And what about a guest book?” She added, not missing a beat “Have you thought about what you’ll do?”

“Of course!” I lied

“Because you know there are so many interesting things you can do these days besides just a regular old, boring book for people to sign. You should really do something that’s meaningful to you as a couple.” 

“Go check Pinterest,” she continued, “there are tons of ideas!”

I stumbled out of the venue like a survivor of a zombie apocalypse, visions of flowers and place cards and candy bars swirling in my head.

I spent the next couple of days in a haze of anxiety, stress eating my go-to bulk barn candy (aptly named “OMGs”). But one thing you should know about me is that I’m competitive as hell and never back down from a challenge. So I logged onto Pinterest. She wanted a unique wedding guest book? She was going to get a unique effing guest book.

I was immediately bombarded by hundreds of ideas- each more ridiculous and involved than the next. Was I really expected to compete in this world of extreme Bridal DIY? I thought I would share a few with you, just so you see what kind of intensity I’m up against.

1.”Encourage guests to sign small squares of fabric. After the wedding day, pay a local seamstress to fashion the squares into a sentimental quilt.”

2. “Hire a silhouette artist to come to your reception and create custom likenesses for all of your guests to be placed in a keepsake album.”

What,you don’t know a silhouette artist? I have one on speed dial, right between “Artisinal Moustache Wax Purveyor” and “Theremin Player/Reiki Healer.” Come to think of it, this is a great idea. I’ll set him up right between the build-your-own fixie bike station and the DIY taxidermy bar. Maybe I’ll even throw in a vintage ferris wheel and an organic candy apple dipping station! Adult coloring books are so 2015. 2016 is all about the adult wedding carnival!!

3. “Have guests sign decorative plates for a beautiful wall hanging for your new home!” 

                                             Plate Guest Book

4. Or how  about a wedding tablecloth?

“Ask guests to sign well wishes on a tablecloth you can use for festive occasions! Just be sure to buy a clear plastic cover since you won’t want to wash this baby often!”

5. Have your guests create a thumbprint work of art!

Ok, so this is actually kind of a cool idea and kudos to those brides who can make it work, but I have a feeling that instead of this splendid, beautiful peacock/hipster lovers with balloons:

I’d end up with this:

HELP!

Question of the Day: Any realistic guest book ideas for me? (MINIMAL EFFORT REQUIRED) 

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10 Last-Minute Halloween Costumes That Won’t Break The Bank

I read recently that Canadians will be spending more than $1 billion on Halloween this year.

Either everyone is buying me REALLY expensive birthday gifts (P.S., it’s my birthday), or this whole Halloween business is getting straight out of control.

A few years back, I dropped a ton of dough on this Snow White get-up:

With my boo Ariel

For a larger group costume of Disney Princesses:

Sick costume, I know, but was it really worth $150 of my student line of credit  hard-earned dollars??

Let’s just leave that one rhetorical.

In any event, if you’ve got a Halloween party this weekend and don’t want to be a sucker like I was, here are a few easy, punny costume ideas I curated (that’s what Hipsters say when they want to add value to something, right?)  from various corners of the interweb that won’t break the bank:

1. Freudian Slip 

 

2. Business Ghost

Business-ghost
I don’t know why I find this so hilarious.. but I do

3. A Baked Potato

Literally just wrap yourself in tin foil. Genius

4. Iron Chef 

5. Liz Lemon

Via Buzzfeed. My hero

6. Ceiling Fan 

Ceiling fan

…. if you’ve got a partner in crime:

7.  French Kiss 

French Kiss

8. Meat and Greet 

Meat and Greet
So weird yet so awesome.

… if you’ve got a guitar

9. Cat Stevens

Take your basic cat costume one step further with a nod to a musical legend.

…and finally:

10. Chicken Cord On Blue 

Show of your dual appreciation for wordplay and slapstick with this pun.

Good luck and happy costuming! If you do any of these, please send me pics! Especially the last one.

Question of the Day:  What are you dressing up as for Halloween?

 

A Million and One Things To Do With Leftover Pumpkin

I was deep in the middle of my Saturday morning routine (painting my nails and watching PRV’d weight loss shows), when my boyfriend announced he wanted to make pumpkin muffins.

“Great!”I said, “Love pumpkin muffins!”

“Want to help?” he asked

My immediate reaction was:

 

…but, in an effort to be more domestic, I decided to bite the bullet. Plus, he has  been watching a lot of Pioneer Woman lately, and I’m starting to develop a bit of a complex.

Damnit, Ree Drummond! Stop making the rest of us look bad!

“Sure” I responded, Tis the season right?

Since canned pumpkin just “wouldn’t do”, step 1 was  heading to the market to pick up an actual, real-life pumpkin. There, I entertained myself by taking autumnal instagrams

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while my boyfriend agonized over the perfect gourd. Since they were all $2, we ended up walking away with the biggest pumpkin we could find. Literally, it was like, country fair-winning, radioactive isotope variety.

It could happen.

With the help of a wheelbarrow, some patience, and a LOT of complaining on my part, we eventually got the beast home and set about de-gutting the thing.

“You want to do the honors?” he asked me

In my head, I was like:

But deep down I knew that the Pioneer Woman wouldn’t be afraid of a few pumpkin guts. She’d get her strong, ranch hands in there and tear those guts out with her award-winning southern smile. So, I got myself a rubber glove, and was like:

Suffice to say, it was not pretty- but in the end, we got the thing cleaned out, and used the pumpkin flesh to whip up these delicious muffins:

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Only problem was, even after making the muffins, we still had about 98% of the mutant pumpkin left.

“So, what are we going to do with the rest?” he asked “We can’t just throw it out”

Both my patience and will to live were severely compromised at this point, but instead of getting down, I thought to myself: WWRDD – What Would Ree Drummond Do?  B*tch would get in there and whip up some more delicious pumpkin specialties.

“Of course we won’t throw it out!” I choked, “let me Google some ideas!”

I found a website devoted to “50 things you can do with leftover pumpkin” and my mind was literally blown. Up until that point, my experience with pumpkin was  limited to pumpkin pie at Thanksgiving, and the occasional Pumpkin Spice Latte, if I was feeling frisky. This website had everything from pumpkin risotto, to pumpkin flavored margaritas.

I found a recipe for lamb and pumpkin stew that sounded delicious, and decided to attempt it. Guess what? It turned out AMAZING.

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Next, I roasted the pumpkin seeds with some olive oil, smoked paprika and cumin:

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But despite these two further recipes, we had still barely made a dent in the pumpkin. I knew I had to take drastic measures, so I decided to roast the remaining pumpkin and make pumpkin puree.

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At this point, I was starting to get really into it.  I had become obsessed with using every last inch of the pumpkin – even the peel. My boyfriend looked at me with shock and awe as I peeled off the skin of the roasted pumpkin for later use.

“It’s for facials,”  I said, “Did you know pumpkin is amazing for your skin?”

“I think I’ve created a monster,” he replied.

With the pumpkin sufficiently disposed of, the only question remaining was: what to do with all of this damn pumpkin puree?

Um.. smoothies obviously!

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I started with this pumpkin pie smoothie recipe and it was damn delicious.

Ree Drummond better recognize!!
Ree Drummond better recognize!!

Things were going so well, I decided to try another smoothie- this time a “Green” variety. This one included pumpkin, spinach, frozen banana and almond milk.

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Uhhhh… guys- do not try this one at  home.

When I told my best friend about all of this, she couldn’t believe my domestic prowess, and challenged me to use the leftover pumpkin for her birthday cake.

Even though I had never baked a cake in my entire life , I’m not one to back down from a challenge- so I got my apron on and set to work.

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I won’t lie that the process was a little touch and go….

 

But with a LOT of help from my boyfriend, we did it:

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A three-tiered, pumpkin spice cake with cream cheese frosting:

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The cake was a big hit at the party (mostly because I forced everyone to eat it while repeatedly yelling “Can you believe it?? I MADE that sh*t!!” in their faces) – and thankfully I have used up most of the remaining pumpkin (I was seriously starting to worry I was going to turn orange there for a while).

Do I have a future in food blogging? Probably not- but I’d still like to think I could give the Pioneer Woman a run for her money.

Question of the Day: What is the most ambitious thing you’ve ever cooked?

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Haircut Regret

My entire life I have coveted long, luxurious hair.

straight-hairstyle2.jpg (1066×1600)

Maybe it’s because of my childhood obsession with Barbie dolls, or maybe it’s the steady diet of Saved By The Bell I consumed as a kid, but for whatever reason, I grew up thinking  that shiny, cascading locks were the consummate and only ideal of female beauty.

Unfortunately for me, my impossibly thin, pin-straight hair refused to achieve great lengths. I blame bad genes. And the two unfortunate “perm incidents” I had in grade three.

This llama knows

No matter how hard I tried to let it grow, I could never achieve anything beyond shoulder-length.

….Until I got to law school. I’m not sure what changed, but after more than 20 years of feeble growth and breakage, my puny hair suddenly began to grow like a weed. By second year, it was halfway down my back. What can I say? I guess a steady diet of Alexander Keith’s and 3 a.m. donairs does a body good.

I felt like a whole new person with my long hair, and for almost two years I reveled in its glory. But then, I went and ruined it all.

For Halloween in third year, I decided to dress up as Snow White. I had a hairdresser pin my long locks up into a bob to complete the look, and the results were, in a word, spectacular.

You guy- I was the fricking FAIREST.

bk

So true was the likeness that random people came up to me and suggested I apply for a job at DisneyWorld.

I was so in love with the attention I was getting that I started to think that maybe a REAL bob would be a good idea.

And that’s where I should have pumped the brakes.

But I didn’t. Instead, I made an appointment the very next day with the same hairdresser, and allowed her to chop off of my long beautiful hair. I was convinced I would love it- that when I looked in the mirror I’d see Snow White and her glossy black mane staring back at me.  But instead, when she turned around my chair, I was like:

Not only had she cut it about 2-3 inches shorter than I intended, without all that extra hair pinned up underneath, it just looked flat, puny and lifeless. It was actually so thin that you could see through it.

I immediately started to cry (apparently crying in salons is a thing for me), while the poor hairdresser tried to convince me it looked great.

But I knew in my heart that it didn’t. I mean, you know a haircut is bad when NO ONE compliments you on it. And it’s not like they didn’t notice. I cut 8 inches off! 8!

Even when I asked my mom what she thought, her mouth said “it looks great!”  but her eyes said:

My self-confidence plummeted, and I’ve been trying desperately to grow it back ever since, while at the same time dealing with the  awkward in-between stages that follow a short haircut. I’ve tried everything- vitamins, special oils, prayers to Saint Agnes, the Patron Saint of all hair.

I even tried gluing hair on a vodoo doll. (I think I might have been doing it wrong.)

I was beginning to fear that I was destined to spend the rest of my days looking like the sad, “before” girl in Pantene Pro-V commercials:

But just a few months ago, it miraculously started to grow again.  I guess Agnes must have snuck into my room while I was sleeping and sprinkled some chia seeds on that noise.

Anyway, I won’t question it- but I know that the next time I get the ridiculous urge to cut my hair, I’ll remember one thing:

Question of the Day: Have you ever regretted a haircut?

10 Great Things About Fall (Besides Pumpkin Spice Lattes)

Fall is right around the corner, and you know what that means: crisp weather, colorful foliage, and a barrage of pumpkin-spice themed posts in your newsfeeed.

Source: http://www.someecards.com

I mean, don’t get me wrong- I love a good PSL myself, but there are so many other great things about fall that don’t get nearly the airtime they deserve. Like:

1. No more excessive sweating 

If, like me, you spent the entire summer rocking a solid 10 on the Whitney scale,

then you will undoubtedly be pumped about the cooler weather. No more sweltering subway rides, no more giant pit stains by the time you get to work, no more looking at your hairdryer with murderous intent .

Aaaah.

http://www.shemazing.net

2. Goodbye crop tops and jean shorts, hello layers

and, on a related note:

3. Swimsuit season is officially over

Celebrate with all the pumpkin flavored deliciousness you want because  you’ve got almost a full year before anyone has to see your ass in a bathing suit again.

4. Thigh chafing is a thing of the past

Put away the body glide, ladies and slip yourself into some nice, comfy leggings- because thigh chafing summer dress season is o-vaa.

5. You won’t have to listen to this song on the radio 24/7 anymore

(…..at least until next summer)

6. People will finally stop asking you to go camping

Source: giphy.com

7. Your Instagram feed will contain way less of this:

….not that I follow Justin Bieber or anything

8. Good TV is back

……goodbye outside world.

Source: indiepepper.com

 9. No more constant crowds

No more wading through intense crowds everywhere you go and trying in vain not to photobomb shots of the CN tower.

…and finally:

10.  Stay home guilt-free

No need to feel guilty about missing beautiful days outside anymore- feel free to binge-watching  Netflix and stay home alone to your heart’s content.

Question of the Day: What are you most looking forward to about fall?

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The Complete Guide To Running Into People

We’ve all been there: that awkward moment when you run into someone you know, and aren’t sure whether to stop and say hi.

Your good manners tell you to make small talk, but all you really want to do is run the other way.

This happened to me just the other day. I was walking with my friend when I spotted a guy I knew from university. He was running, presumably with his girlfriend, which I thought meant I was off the hook. I know from experience that it’s virtually impossible to carry on a conversation while running-  just ask those Amnesty International kids that try to engage my panting, tomato-face.

But man, was I mistaken. Homeboy acted like seeing me was the highlight of his freaking day (let’s be honest- it probably was). He waved enthusiastically, and attempted to engage me while jogging on the spot. I didn’t really feel like catching him up on the past 8 years of my life, but then again, I didn’t want to be rude. So I slowed down into a sort of backwards half-walk, and after about 20 seconds, gesticulated that I needed to run. I even made the universal “let’s grab a drink soon!” sign.

Like a bad date, the entire experience left me feeling overstimulated, yet also unfulfilled. It occurred to me then that what the world really needs are a set of universal guidelines for situations like these. Maybe, dare I say, a FLOWCHART?

Say no more!

flowchart

The flowchart I’ve created relies on a number of foundational principles which inform each decision to engage in conversation. These include:

  1. Sexual History (do you know this person in the biblical sense?)
  2. Closeness of Relationship (“How tight are y’all?”)
  3. Location of the Interaction (“Is there time to flee?”)
  4. The likelihood this person will tell others and make you look bad if you ignore them (“Is this person a snitch?”)

Based on your answers to these questions, there are five potential outcomes:

  1. “Don’t even stress” – go on your merry way, no need to acknowledge this person whatsoever
  2.  “Ain’t Nobody Got Time For That” – Make a U-turn and run the other way. NOW.
  3. “Holla At Your Girl” – engage this person in conversation unless you are a complete a$$hole.
  4. “Smile, Wave, and Keep On Walking” – nuff said.
  5. “Say hi, then make up an excuse to leave”

This last one  is the most complicated. While it may sound easy, making up an excuse on the spot can often be difficult and rife with potential awkwardness.

Never fear- there’s an app for that!

Fake Conver  is a free app that allows you to receive fake calls to your iPhone with the quick touch of a button. You can also choose from a library of excuses in advance- just answer your phone and repeat what the recording says.

Genius.

iPhone Screenshot 1

Or if avoiding people all together is more your style, there’s also Cloak, the self-described “anti-social network” that uses the GPS on your Instagram, Foursquare, Facebook, and Twitter feeds to show you where all your friends are on the map  so you can avoid them completely.

iPhone Screenshot 1

 

And, if all else fails, there’s always this face:

Question of the Day: What is your strategy for running into people?

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When It’s OK To Ask A Woman If She’s Pregnant

On the scale of most embarrassing things that could possibly happen to a woman, being matched with your coworker on e-Harmony is probably about a 6.

Having a “wardrobe malfunction” in front of millions of people, on the other hand, is a definite 10.

What happened to me fell somewhere in the middle.

My boyfriend and I were on our way to his parent’s house for dinner, and due to (yet another) subway closure, we were crammed onto a clown-car like shuttle bus with hundreds of other disgruntled passengers. All the seats were occupied, so we were forced to stand and hold onto the hand-rails.

This was particularly challenging for me, as after imbibing a bit too much at a wedding the night before, balance was not exactly my forte. I was minding my own business, trying not to topple over, when suddenly the young man sitting next to us took his headphones out of his ears, and looked up at me.

“I’m sorry,” he mumbled, “please, sit here”.

“Oh, no that’s ok” I said awkwardly, not wanting to leave my boyfriend to stand alone.

“No, really-I was on my phone, I’m sorry I didn’t notice before” he apologized.

I looked back at him, perplexed at his polite insistence.  He must have been about 20, with a head of shaggy, unkempt hair and a complexion resembling the lunar surface. He wore ill-fitting khaki pants and a t-shirt with an anime logo; possibly Pokemon.  He didn’t immediately strike me as the old-school-Southern gentleman type.

And then I noticed him gesturing towards my stomach, and a wave of understanding rolled over me like nausea.

Oh my god. I thought, Homeboy thinks I’m pregnant.

“No really, I’m fine” I stammered, struggling to hold back tears, “thank you though”.

Realizing what had just gone down; my boyfriend led me by the hand to another area of the bus, far away from my the Pokemon-sporting perpetrator.

“Are you ok, babe?” he asked tepidly. (It was clear that he was terrified.)

“I’m fine” I mumbled, “just give me a minute”.

For the remainder of the bus ride, I tried to maintain my cool as I cycled through the five stages of grief.

1. Denial

2. Anger 

3. Bargaining

4. Depression 

5. Acceptance 

I looked down at my slightly protruding belly. It wasn’t impossible to see where he was coming from. In my hung-over state, I had chosen one of those long, flowy maxi-dresses often sported by pregnant ladies (or Mrs. Roper). And I had overindulged quite heartily at the wedding the night before (late-night burger bar much?)

I would have said this was the most mortifying moment of my life……….. had it been the first time this happened.

A few years ago, when I was an articling student at a law firm, I had pretty much given up on putting myself together after a particularly bad stint of late nights. It was 11pm, and I was hunched over my desk, trying to finish a memo when the night cleaning lady came by to empty my garbage.

“Oh!“ she said, smiling and pointing to my ever-expanding midsection “Congratulations! You are pregnant, no?”

If two mistaken pregnancies aren’t enough to get your ass in gear, then I really don’t know what is. In an effort to “lose the baby weight”, I’ve started a new diet and exercise regime, which includes a horrific bootcamp class featuring countless burpees, tire flipping, and smashing things with a sledgehammer (which I imagine to be Pokemon dude’s face).

So for those of you who were wondering just when IS it ok to ask a woman if she’s pregnant?

The answer, my friends, is NEVER.

preg

Although you may be well-intentioned, it’s just not worth the risk.

Not only will it be super f*cking awkward if you get it wrong,

You could also cause some serious damage. At the very least, a slight ego bruise; but it could be much worse. You never know what that woman is going through.  Maybe she can’t conceive. Maybe she just had a miscarriage. Maybe she’s just having a really hard time right now and is coping with a family-sized jar of Nutella.

…. I know all about that  not that I know anything about that.

So mind ya bidness, ok?

All this being said, it has come to my attention that people will never, ever stop being idiots.

Which is why I have developed a few potential responses you can use if this extremely unfortunate situation were to happen to YOU.

BreezyK’s top things to say when someone asks if you are pregnant (and you’re CLEARLY not):

  • Yes and your husband is the father.
  • No… are you?
  • Nope, just fat
  • No, pregnancy would require me to stop drinking
  • I’ve been possessed by an alien lifeform! *Run screaming* It’s alive!! It’s alive!!!
  • Only if you count food babies
  • It’s an immaculate conception. JESUS HAS RISEN!!!

Question of the Day: Have you ever been mistaken for / mistaken anyone else for being pregnant?

Tales of a Fifth Grade Weirdo

My niece Lola starts grade 5 next week, which is crazy, because last time I checked, she was like 2.5 and scarily obsessed with baby dolls.

Now it’s all iPod app this, One Direction that.

I remember my first day of grade 5 like it was yesterday.  It was 1996, and in keeping with the fashion of the times, I sported a shiny new pair of black Doc Martens, a red and black plaid jumper, and, in flagrant disregard of my baby weight, a black turtleneck crop top I stole from my 25-year-old sister.

Rounding out the look was a god-awful scrunchie in the style set out below,

Side note: is this look actually back in again?

And a hideous backpack covered in un-funny comic strips. Obviously, this was not my choice. In fact, so badly did I want a pink and white Jansport, I staged a full-on meltdown in the back-to-school aisle of Eaton’s, the ill-fated Canadian retailer.

A no-nonsense kind of woman to her very core, my mother showed no remorse, placing the atrocity at the cash alongside a fresh package of slouchy socks.

At the age of 10, I was, to put it mildly, at an “Awkward Stage”. I was prepubescent, mildly overweight, and extremely clumsy, but somehow blissfully unaware of all of this. Despite rendering me complicit in more than one crime against fashion, my mom still managed to somehow instill in me a sense of unwavering- albeit false- confidence. I was led to believe that no one was better than me at anything- even Taekwondo (everyone was better than me at Taekwondo. If there was a demotion from white belt, I would have gotten it.)

Although I am continuing to deal with the repercussions of my inflated childhood ego (wait- not everybody loves me?), I am still thankful to her for this.

In defiance of all laws of the universe, I was also extremely pumped about going back to school. This is understandable though, because I was a weirdo.

As a young child, I was so excited to go to school that I would pace back and forth at the end of the driveway and wait for the bus to come at least 40 minutes before its designated arrival time. I maintained this silent bus vigil even in the dead of Canadian winter- hands wrapped in double-layer gloves, face obscured by cat-eared balaclava.

 

Like this- but slightly less terrifying.

After concerned calls from the neighbors (“are you sure there’s nothing wrong with her, dear?”) my mother pleaded with me to stay inside, assuring me that I wouldn’t miss the bus; but I wasn’t having any of it. I’d heard the Kriss-Kross song. I wasn’t taking any chances.

Source: MTV.com Getty Images

This year was no different. At the end of July, I began collecting flyers from various stores and cross-referencing them against my ever-growing list of school supplies. By early August, I had completed an itemized list, by location, of where to find the best deals on each item. I presented this list to my mother, expecting her to be pleased with my due diligence, but instead she simply shook her head sadly and poured herself another cup of coffee.

After two weeks of  my constant haranguing, we finally went shopping, and I spent a full day alone in my room, proudly labeling my multi-coloured duotangs, Five Star binders and purple LeKit.

 

It appears that my niece has somehow inherited this trait from me, as last week I received these pictures of her proudly holding up her new school supplies.

Lo1 lo2

*Tear*

Never before have I been so proud!

Question of the Day: Were you excited to go back to school?

 

 Daily Prompt:  August Blues– As a kid, were you happy or anxious about going back to school? Now that you’re older, how has your attitude toward the end of the summer evolved?

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