Split Decision

It was the summer of 2011, and I’d just completed a harrowing articling year at a big corporate law firm. I was given nearly four months off before returning to work as an associate, and to celebrate my new-found freedom, my sister and I booked a trip to beautiful Croatia.

We flew into neighboring Slovenia, picked up our shiny black Peugeot, and with nothing but a map, a few Kunas in our pockets and a lot of misguided optimism, hit the road on a two-week road trip along the Croatian coast.

The first half of the trip was amazing: we drank our weight in Ozujsko in Zagreb,

danced on some solar panels in Zadar,

and met some long-lost extended family in Sibenik. 

By the time we hit the buzzing port city of Split, nothing could get us down- not even our un-air conditioned, possibly bed bug infested accommodations.

 Our first full day in Split started out splendidly – we enjoyed a breakfast of Nutella on Nutella crusty white bread on a stunning patio overlooking the Adriatic, and spent the morning exploring Diocletian’s Palace,

before making our way back downtown for our daily “cocktail hour”.

 Everything was copacetic- until mother nature called.

 The one thing about Europe no one really prepares you for are the bathrooms. With most public facilities, you are forced to leave a Euro – and often, your dignity- at the door, as you shamefully squat above a hole in the ground to conduct your business.

Did I mention that toilet paper costs extra?

After realizing this early on in the trip, I had been actively trying to consume fewer liquids during the day to avoid the horror of this arrangement. For the most part, this worked great. (You know, aside from the severe dehydration, dizziness and near heatstroke).But after one (ok, three) glasses of lovely Croatian wine, I couldn’t avoid it any longer.

So I dragged my sister along in search of a somewhat hygienic, less nightmare-inducing facility. The situation was looking pretty bleak- until I discovered the private washroom stalls in the Split Ferry Terminal.

 I handed 5 Kuna to the bored-looking bathroom attendant in exchange for two measly squares of sandpapery toilet paper, and rushed in line behind a dozen other tourists, anxiously shifting my weight from one foot to the other.

 Finally, it was my turn. Never before had I experienced so much relief.

 I finished my business and turned the lock on the door, only to realize…. It wouldn’t budge.    

 I took a deep breath and tried the lock again. Still nothing.

 Instantly, the panic began to set in.

Ordinarily, I would have just crawled under the door to freedom, however these stalls were, unhelpfully, of the floor-to-ceiling variety.

 “Hello??” I called “Can someone help me? I’m locked in”. Although I heard dozens of female voices milling about outside, many of which were in English, not one responded.

 Not only was I beginning to feel claustrophobic, the floor-to-ceiling doors were also magnifying the extreme heat, causing me to sweat profusely. Between this and my ensuing panic, I was rocking a 10 on the Whitney scale.

 “Hello??” I tried again, this time banging on the stall door with both fists “Can anyone hear me??”

 I was starting to wonder whether this sanitary napkin box was going to be the last thing I saw before I died when I heard the sweet sound of my sister’s voice echoing through the crowded bathroom. “Bree?”  She asked “Are you still in here?”

 “Sherene!” I shrieked, “I’m locked in!! You have to help me”

 There was a pause. Then a slight giggle.

 “What do you mean you’re locked in?”

 “I can’t get out!” I squeaked, fighting back tears, “Seriously!”

 “Ok, just a minute”, she replied, sensing the gravity of the situation.

 “Can you help my sister?” I heard her ask the attendant, “She’s locked in the bathroom”,

 “No,” responded a bored voice,  “I only do toilet paper”.

 

“Just hang tight,” shouted Sherene “I’ll go find someone!”  

After what seemed like an eternity of sitting on top of the toilet tank, taking shallow breaths to conserve my quickly fading oxygen, I heard her return. “I’m back.” She said “I found two police officers. They’re going to break down the door”

“Break down the door??”  I squeaked, “How?”

“They’ve got an axe” she replied, “stand back”

The excited murmur and occasional shriek of the gathering crowd assured me she was not messing around. Great, NOW  these b*tches are paying attention, I thought.

This was not good. The room for error in the approximately  0.5 sq ft. stall was minimal. Any way you looked at it, chances were I was getting decapitated. 

I racked my brain for a solution, and remembered a few years back when I accidentally locked myself in my parent’s bathroom. (yes- this happened more than once.)  Although I had freed myself in that instance by climbing out (and getting temporarily stuck in) a small, hexagonal shaped window, my dad had later shown me a trick to get the broken lock to open, involving jiggling  and pulling up on the lock at the same time.

In a last ditch effort to save myself from being sent back to Canada in a body bag, I tried it out. Miraculously, the door swung open; revealing my sister, two fumbling rent-a-cops, and a crowd of excited, formerly deaf onlookers.

“Oh.. hi.” I said, blushing profusely “I got the lock to work so… I.. uh…guess you won’t be needing that!” motioning at the fisher-price looking axe.

I thanked the rent-a-cops for their assistance and hightailed it out of there; with Sherene laughing hysterically by my side.

“It’s not funny!” I snapped

“Oh but it is,” she replied, snorting.

As you might imagine, this became my sister’s favourite story of the trip, and soon everyone had heard about my little mishap in the Split ferry terminal. I’ve heard more “how many lawyers does it take” jokes than I can count, and I still can’t go to the washroom without my family asking if I need a chaperone.

While I laugh it off, to this day I still carry a few extra bobby pins in my back pocket….just in case. 

Question of the Day: Ever locked yourself in or out of something?

Written for today’s DP Challenge: Uncanned Laughter – A misused word, a misremembered song lyric, a cream pie that just happened to be there: tell us about a time you (or someone else) said or did something unintentionally funny.

A Climb To Remember

Looking back, the summer of 1990 was a rough time for everyone involved. The Gulf War was in full swing, a sharp recession swept the global economy, and MC Hammer’s “Can’t Touch This” was a number one single.

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As if these atrocities weren’t enough, it was also the year my mom went back to work part-time, leaving my dad with five wily rug rats to contend with during one of the hottest summers on record in Nova Scotia.

My sisters, teenagers at the time, could mostly fend for themselves; however my brothers (10 and 12) and I (only four) required constant entertainment to keep from tearing each other’s heads off.

Dad tried taking us to the playground; but the monkey bars proved too perilous. Our trips to the beach resulted only in jellyfish stings and heartache. Eventually, he gave up, bought a bucket of KFC and took us to Greenhill Provincial Park. A picnic in the park, he (undoubedtly) thought, what  could possibly go wrong?

The park offered panoramic views of the entire county, and in those days there was a tower several stories high you could climb to get a better look.

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Immediately upon arrival my brothers rushed to the tower, with me following right behind them.

“Where do you think you’re going?” asked my brother Kristin, “This isn’t for babies!”

“I’m not a baby!” I protested, “I’m four and a half!”

“You’re not allowed!” contested my brother Stephen.

“Can I dad?” I pleaded

“Go ahead,” he sighed, lifting a drumstick defeatedly, “but be careful.”

With a satisfied grin, I began climbing the ladder, taking the first few rungs with vigor. I was feeling quite smug- until I looked down. The ground appeared miles away; my dad and his bucket of chicken nothing but a red and white dot on the horizon. Above me, the ladder seemed to extend infinitely.

My lip began to quiver.

“Hurry up!” shouted Stephen, a few rungs ahead.

“She’s scared,” chimed in Kristin. “I told you she was a baby!”

Tears burned the backs of my eyes, but resolve stirred deep within me. I was Jack, and this was my proverbial Beanstalk. I would climb this tower if it was the last thing I did.

Somehow, through sheer adrenaline, blind faith and four-year-old will, I made it to the top. Ready to bask in my accomplishment, I stepped onto the platform, took a long gaze around, and…… immediately began to bawl like a baby.

“DADDY!!” I wailed, “IT”S TOO HIGH!!!”

Inconsolable and paralyzed by fear, my father was forced to abandon his chicken and momentary peace to climb up the tower and rescue me.

“It’s ok,” he said later, wiping away my tears with a half soiled wet-nap. “You can try again next year.”

But I didn’t. Not that year, or any year after. Instead, I developed a life long fear of heights (and, vaguely, wet-naps). However, I did learn one important lesson that day which continues to guide my decision-making process: when given the choice between taking a risk and staying firmly on the ground with a bucket of fried chicken- always, always ,choose the chicken.

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Question of the Day: What Is Your First Memory?

A Very Nova Scotia Thanksgiving

Happy Thanksgiving friends! Today, I am thankful for family, friends, health, happiness, and most of all the homemade apple crisp I’ve been caning like nobody’s business.

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yeaaah buddy.

Also wine.

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Always wine.

My friend Lia, who is from Vancouver, came home with me for the holidays, and I’ve had a blast showing her all that the thriving metropolis of Pictou County has to offer. I just hope she can handle the excitement. Watching all THREE Back To The Future Movies in one day is a lot for anyone to handle.

Anyway, since I’m still in a semi-food coma from yesterday’s feast, here are a few pictures of my Thanksgiving weekend in beautiful Nova Scotia:

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Greenhill Lookoff.. not a bad view

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I don’t eat Oysters west of New Brunswick

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I don't blame her. The pumpkin is inherently a lot more interesting.
I don’t blame her. The pumpkin is inherently a lot more interesting.

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Hold onto your loved ones tight today, and have an extra piece of pumpkin pie for me 🙂

Question of the Day:

(cliché alert)

What Are You Thankful for?

Friday Five

It’s been a long week, amiright guys?

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Thanks for sticking it out with me for another week of daily posts. Just to recap, I:

If you haven’t checked them out already, make sure to do so. I loved reading all of your feedback – especially the amazing high school fashion moments. Y’all had serious swagger.

So since it’s Friday, and I’m straight-up spent, here are 5 random things I’ve been thinking about this week:

1. Ja’Mie: Private School Girl

If you’ve ever watched the hilarious HBO Mockumentary Summer Heights High, then you already know and love the priceless J’Amie King.

"Public schools are so random!"
“Public schools are so random!”

Well, somewhere the television Gods are smiling down on us because Ja”mie now has HER OWN SHOW!

Played by Chris Lilley (yes, that’s a grown-ass man, folks) the show premieres on November 24 on HBO and follows Ja’Mie on her final weeks of high school. Here’s a link to the 11 best moments from the trailer… and if you just can’t get enough Ja’Mie, Lily wrote a great post recently on her love affair with the profound, completely self-aware high-schooler.

2. This Sweet Hat

I stumbled across this amazing hat at the Drake General Store the other day (side note- do NOT go in there if you are on a budget. You will walk out $200 poorer with more novelty salt and pepper shakers than you know what to do with) and I knew I had to own it right then:

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East Coast represent! It’s almost making me kind of excited for it to get cold out. Almost.

3. Emergen-C

So earlier this week I started to feel that telltale tickle in my throat, and freaked the eff out. I hate being sick and am the ultimate baby, so I knew I had to nip those germies in the bud. I started taking Cold FX (which is really just a super-high dose of Echinacea), when one of my coworkers recommended this god-send of a product

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You guys. This stuff is AMAZING. It’s basically a super concentrated dose of Vitamin C in powder form that you dissolve in water. Each packet has something like 15 times your daily recommended intake, and gives you an immediate little boost of energy. The guy at the health food store told me that Viatmin C “megadosing” is apparently a thing now and will cure whatever ails you. In Vegas, they even do straight Vitamin C IV’s to cure hangovers!

So of course after hearing this, I’ve become obsessed with consuming as much Vitamin C as humanly possible.  I’m supposed to be maxing out at 2 of these little packets a day, but I’ve been taking……… more than that. Although I don’t think there are any real side effects, last night I started to worry that I might turn orange. You know, like when babies  eat too many pureed carrots?

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Will you all still be my friends if my skin turns a vibrant shade of Burnt Sienna? Who knows, maybe I’ll end up with my own reality show?? A girl can dream….

4. Celebrity Breakups

First it was Catherine and Michael. Then Miley and Liam. Then, after 22 years of reality shows marriage Kris and Bruce Jenner.

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Now it’s THE JONAS BROTHERS???

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What is the world coming to? (And don’t you dare say “their senses”. Smart A$$).

5. Thanksgiving (and Nova Scotia, Eh?)

This Monday is Canadian Thanksgiving, and I’m off to Nova Scotia to spend the weekend with my family and friends.

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I can’t wait to chill with my nieces, go for pointless drives around town and start the 72-hour food-to-mouth train rolling.  As the youngest of 5, Thanksgiving has always been quite the scene in my house. If you are bored or need a sleep aid, here’s a little story I wrote about my family and Thanksgiving last year.

Question of the Day: What are your plans for Thanksgiving?

(or if you’re not a Canuck, what are you up to this weekend?)

Workouts, Wild Turkeys and Way Too Much Time On My Hands

Greetings from Canada’s Ocean Playground!

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I’ve been in Nova Scotia for about a week now, visiting with family and friends, lazing on the beach, and basically living the life of a bored housewife with way too much time on her hands.

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It’s all really great and relaxing-  except for the WILD TURKEY who has taken up residence in our backyard and insists on waking me up at 6 a.m. every morning. Seriously guys, this thing is hard as f*ck. It’s about 2 feet tall, feral looking, and has a “call” so loud and frightening it has started featuring prominently in my nightmares.

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It also hasn’t been relaxing in the sense that my family are exercise fanatics and insist on constantly shaming me into working out. Hot yoga, running at the local track, “power walks”, gym sessions… I’m beginning to think they’re trying to tell me something.

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If I'm getting my ass to the gym on vacation, you better believe I'm taking a selfie of it.
If I’m getting my ass to the gym on vacation, you better believe I’m taking a selfie of it.
My mom, just killin it.
Look at that smug look on her face.

Skinny b*tches.

Anyway, gotta make this a short one because I must return to my busy schedule of watching The Doctors, making unnecessary trips to the grocery store and coordinating hairstyles with my 8-year-old niece:

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so for now I will leave you with this adorable photo of my niece Maeve, who, at 14 months old, is already demonstrating more maternal instinct in her little finger than I will ever hope to possess.

My niece Maeve and her baby/twin

Happy Friday y’all!

Question of the Day: How do you exorcise an evil turkey nemesis?

… and don’t say garlic, crucifixes or kryptonite cause I’ve already tried that sh*t and the damn thing ain’t budging.

My Life Through Instagram Vol. 2

What up, homies? I know my blog has been about as active as a Giant Panda on Valium lately, and for that I apologize.

Side note: did you know Giant Pandas spend approximately 16 hours a day eating?? 

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We have so much in common.

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Anyway, it’s been a busy few weeks for your girl BreezyK here: weddings, parties, cottage weekends, and most importantly- a new job!

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(Do I get points for the timely Shoppers Drug Mart gif? No? Ok.)

It’s still in law, but no longer in private practice… so I expect the quality of my life to improve drastically to have more regular hours and thus more free time for blogging. (When my busy schedule of grooming and beauty related appointments permits, of course.)

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Those pictures were completely gratuitous.

Anyway, I know I owe you guys a real post (and to read and comment on some of the great stuff you’ve been writing), but as mentioned above, I’m in panda-mode. So in the meantime, I thought I’d give a little update on my life through my favourite fleetingly popular social media platform: instagram.

(You can see my first installment of My Life Through Instagram here.)

If you don’t follow me on Instagram, then you definitely should: @BreezyK1. I am extremely self-absorbed and post a lot of pictures of my manicures. Who doesn’t like that in their newsfeed??

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1.    Someone’s been making mixtapes!

2.    See, I told you. (Hey, when it takes as long as this did, it deserves to be instagrammed) 

3.    Summer BBQs. If you can believe it, there was actually way more food unpictured.

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4.    We clean up aiight 

5.    Sunset over Sugar Lake

6.    Wine and Cheese with a view.. oh you fancy huh  

7.    This album has been getting me through a lot of tough runs lately. Kanye- you may be a crazed egomaniac with questionable child-naming skills, but your beats are solid and your lyrics genius. So thank you for that.  

8.    Champagne celebrations

9.    I challenge you to name me a treat more delicious than s’mores

You just peed in your pants a little, didn't you?

You just peed in your pants a little, didn’t you?

10.  So I joined a softball league this summer- considering the ability to play softball entirely irrelevant. The only thing worse than my batting average is my attendance- but I do contribute to the team by taking glorious, sunset candid shots like this one.. so I think I’m pulling my weight.

11.  My lovely friend Danielle looking fierce at her wedding

12.  Cottage Adventures

13.  Do you… canoe? (Ok that was lame. Forgive me guys, I’ve been out of the game for a while) 

14.  Little father’s day tribute to my pops.. (and some inadvertent product placement. Mmm. Veggie Thins) 

15.  Delicious Sangria by the pool… I am just noticing now how many of these pics involve alcohol.

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16.  A lifesize “The Claw” arcade game set up in the financial district as part of Toronto’s Luminato festival for the arts and creativity. There was actually a dude inside who, when you put money into the machine, tried to retrieve a toy for you with oversize claw-like implements. Everyone cheered when he got one, and when he missed they played the sad fail music from the Price is Right. 

Umm this Youtube video has had over 3 million views. I don’t know why, but that’s awesome.

Question of the Day: What has been the highlight of your summer thus far?

Mine’s probably a tossup between drinking that Sangria and watching the new season of Big Brother.. but I expect that to change when I head to Nova Scotia this weekend!

10 Foolproof Father’s Day Gift Ideas

Father’s Day is right around the corner, and if you’re anything like me, you’ve been far too busy patio drinking and getting your picks in for your office Bachelorette pool to find that something special for Dear Old Dad.

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Well never fear, teetotalers and hapless procrastinators! BreezyK is here to help you out with 10 foolproof gift ideas dad will be sure to love this Father’s Day season!

1. Spray-On Hair

Dad can kiss that pesky bald spot goodbye with this groundbreaking new product! BONUS: works for ladies too, so mom won’t be left out!!

2. Built-In Socks With Sandals

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As the boy scout motto attests: always be prepared! Your dad will be fashionable, chic and ready to mingle with this handy new product that will allow him to skip the integral step of socks first, then sandals. Just think of all the extra time he’ll have to mow the lawn and criticize your life choices driving skills!

3. The Potty Putter

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Your mom will love you for this one!

4. Richard Simmons “Disco Sweat” Workout DVD

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If there are two things all dads love, it’s disco, and Richard Simmons. With this low-impact cardio workout set to such famous disco hits as “I Will Survive” and “Disco Inferno”, dad can burn away the calories while having fun doing it! Can you say, Daughter Of The Year award??

5. Spanx For Men

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There are some trouble spots even Richard Simmons can’t fix. If your dad just can’t seem to shed those last 5 pounds (or just has a fierce affinity for pecan pie like mine does), help him out with this thoughtful and not-at-all offensive gift!

6. Piano Key Necktie

……………because it says “I want to be formal, but I’m also here to party”

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… plus, it skyrocketed Mugatu to superstardom, so…

7. DIY Ride-On Lawnmower

Now that my dad is getting a little older, he’s having a hard time keeping up with the yard work the way he used to. My siblings and I considered getting him a ride-on lawnmower for Father’s day, but were blown away by the astronomical price tags.

Solution? The DIY lawnmower!

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This handy (and inexpensive) little gadget has all the features of a store-bought lawnmower at just a fraction of the cost!! All you need is a bike (free if you steal one from a neighbourhood kid riding down the street) some string, a bit of silly putty and some cheap manual labour, and Voila! Perfect gift!

8. The Comfort Wipe

Your dad is awesome. Too awesome, in fact, to wipe his own ass. Show him you care about his extreme laziness personal hygiene with this groundbreaking new product that turns a visit to the john into a hands-free experience!

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9. This Awesome Visor

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Finally- your dad can relieve the days of his follicled youth, while at the same time channeling Sex God Guy Fieri:

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10. Recycled Artwork You Made As A Child

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Remind dad of the budding little Picasso you once were with a beautiful piece of art you fashioned as a child. Not only is this gift simple inexpensive, and high on the nostalgia factor, it also shows your penchant for the three R’s: Reduce, Reuse and really don’t give a fuck cycle. (Tip: Try not to use one with macaroni, because, let’s face it, that’s just gross.)

Alternative: If you can’t find an old piece of old artwork:

A free hug coupon

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…because you’re never too old 🙂

Happy Shopping!!

….. and happy Father’s Day to the best dad around! I love you!

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Question of the Day: What are you getting your dad for Father’s Day?

Unleashing The Ugly Cry

As a general rule, I try not to cry in public all that often.

I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’ve shed a few crocodile tears in my day to get what I want (what self-respecting girl hasn’t?), but I try not to make this a regular thing. Not only does it lose its effect with frequent use, I’m also just a really, really ugly crier.

Seriously. You know those girls you see crying on TV, looking all cute and heartbreaking?

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Yeah, I’m nothing like that.

I’m more of the full on, can’t breathe, running snot variety.

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I also cry so rarely that when it does happen, it’s like the Hoover Dam of emotion bursting within me, releasing a whole year’s worth of pent-up frustration and anxiety.

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All this is to say that when I have an emotional breakdown, I prefer to do it in the comfort of my own home, in my oldest sweatpants, with a full container of Haagen Dazs.

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Unfortunately, however, you can’t always choose where you’re going to unleash the Ugly Cry – something I learned last week when I found myself openly sobbing into the arms of a middle-aged flight attendant in an airport bathroom.

How did I end up in such a predicament you might ask? Well, let’s start from the beginning.

Last weekend, my mom flew in from Nova Scotia to visit me. (And boy, were her arms were tired!) It was her first time visiting me in Toronto so I was really excited for her to clean my apartment see where I live and show her around the city.

We had a great few days flaneuring around and pretending we were fancier than we were:

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But all good things must come to an end, and soon it came time for us to say goodbye- something I’ve never been very good at. As a form of coping, I typically spend the last day of any trip either picking fights or acting like a complete asshole in an effort to push everyone away and make things easier when I leave. (I know. It’s really mature)

Anyway, I could feel myself starting to get agitated a few hours before she was scheduled to depart. I said approximately 5 words to her the entire ferry ride to the Toronto Island airport, spending our last minutes together instagramming pictures of the city skyline.

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I continued this immature little performance until we parted at the security gate. I tried not to make eye contact as I hugged her goodbye, but I saw the tears welling up in her eyes. Well, guys, that was all it took. I felt a lump the size of a baseball form in my throat, and hot tears burned the backs of my eyes.

I managed to wait until she was out of sight before bursting into uncontrollable sobs right there at the gate. Through clouded vision, I somehow found my way to the bathroom, where I locked myself in a stall and tried to regain my composure. “Think happy thoughts” I told myself. “Froyo. MAC Makeup. Pinot Grigio. Your PVR”. Eventually I calmed down enough to leave the stall, but then broke down a second time when I caught sight of myself in the bathroom mirror. Red blotches covered my face and spread down my neck like ivy, and on the front of my shirt were two, distinct wet patches that suggested I had recently been lactating. The liquid eyeliner and mascara I had meticulously applied earlier that day now formed two, thick black rings around my eyes, making me resemble a very sad, overgrown raccoon.

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I was blowing my nose loudly when I heard a voice ask, “are you ok?” I turned to see a middle aged Porter flight attendant with a look of concern on her face.

“Ye-aaaah” I said, waveringly. “I’m ok”

“Did you just say goodbye to someone?” she asked, sympathetically.

“Yeah,” I sniffed, “Mmmmmm-y mom”

“Aw,” she said, “Where was she off to?”

“Halifax,” I said

“That’s far away,” she said

“I know,” I sobbed.

“Do you want a hug?” she asked.

I nodded slowly, and moved towards her waiting arms. I didn’t even care how many people were around, all I knew was that I was jonesing for a hug, and this b*tch was holding.

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“Aww it’s ok,” she said, as she gently patted me on the back. “You guys can talk on the phone?”

“But ittttsss not the sameeee” I stuttered

“What about skype?” she said “There’s always skype!”

“She’s not technologically inclined!!” I wailed.

“Well, it’ll still be ok” she repeated, clearly running out of things to say at this point.

Realizing I was probably overstaying my hug welcome, I straightened out my shirt and reluctantly pulled myself away. “Well I should go now,” I said, “Thanks”.

“No problem” she said, as I made my way towards the door, “Stay strong!”

I put my oversize sunglasses on and boarded the ferry, where I continued to bawl pretty much the entire time. At first I was embarrassed to be seen in public this way, but then I thought of what a great Craigslist Missed Connection it would be if some hot guy happened to see me.

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You: Crying on the ferry alone.

Me: Wishing I could make you smile.

Anyway, this didn’t result in a missed connection (I checked), so instead, I’ve chosen to make this post my own missed connection of sorts. I never caught the name of the flight attendant who so benevolently offered up her words (and arms) of encouragement to me that day, but to her, I’d like to say thank you. Thank you for being awesome, and for restoring my faith in humanity. And if any of you should ever find yourselves at the mercy of the ugly cry in a public bathroom, I pray it is into the arms of such a kindly stranger.

QOTD: When was the last time you cried?

10 Lessons From TV Moms

A wise woman once said, “It takes a village to raise a child”.

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That, and “You can never have enough pantsuits”

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…but we won’t hold that against her. 

In honor of this maxim (the village, not the pantsuits), this Mother’s Day, I’ll be celebrating not only to my own mom, but also all of the amazing TV moms who helped raise me. Claire Huxtable, Elyse Keaton, Vivian Banks, Kitty Foreman-  where would I be without all of their sage advice, no-non sense attitudes and witty one-liners? (Well, maybe a little more well- read. But that’s beside the point.)

Here, with the help of a few GIFS, are 10 lessons I learned from TV moms: 

1.    Stand Up For Yourself

…. you show those b*tches who’s boss 

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2. You only have one family, so you might as well make the most of it.

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3. Not everything that’s good for you is fun

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4. Don’t worry so much about your appearance

………..You can have a harelip, crunchy bangs, or look like Mama June and someone will still love you.

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5. It’s Important To Always  Be a Lady

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6. Every once in a while, you need to eat a piece of humble pie

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……………….Unless of course you’re Tina Fey

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7. Choose your friends wisely

…….because apparently, everyone is an asshole

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8. Don’t ever forget where you came from

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9. And When it comes to boys….

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But if you really can’t help yourself…

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And when you find that special someone… 

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10. Don’t be afraid to let loose every once in a while:

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… and when all else fails,

Sometimes, you need something a little stronger

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Happy Mother’s Day!!

Question of the Day: Who Is Your Favourite TV Mom?

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