30 Lessons On My 30th Birthday

It’s coming for me. Rearing around the bend like a freight train. I can’t run. I can’t hide.  All I can do is curl up in a ball and accept my fate of crows feet, fiscal responsibility and mythical two-day hangovers.

Tomorrow, I will be turning 30.

Ok- so maybe I’m overreacting a little bit. There are some good things about turning 30- like never having to wear cut-off jean shorts or attend a music festival again. Plus, I’ve picked up a few nuggets of wisdom along the way. Here, in no particular order, are 30 things I’ve learned in 30 years here on earth.

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1. Never trust anyone with bad eyebrows. NEVER.

2. No juice cleanse is ever worth it

3. You can’t change genetics. The body you’re born with is going to be the body you have to deal with for the rest of your life, +/- a few pounds…. No matter how many juice cleanses you (don’t) do

4. Speak up in meetings. Even if you think you have nothing to say, find something so people can hear your voice and know that you’re there

5. The 5 minutes between when you wake up and when that sweet, sweet caffeine hits your veins are invariably the worst of your day. Soldier through, and it can only get better.

6. Take the job/opportunity you feel unqualified for

7. Jennifer Anniston movies are always going to get approximately 37% on Rotten Tomatoes.

8. Being able to do your own winged eyeliner is a highly valuable and transferable life skill

9. Time spent watching The Bachelor is never time wasted

10. Listen to your mama about who you let into your life. She can always sniff out the bad seeds (and the good ones) long before you can.

11. Don’t worry if you suck at driving. Google is inventing self-driving cars by 2017 anyway. Along with hoverboards, automatic tooth flossers, and that machine that spits out food from the Jetsons.

12. Going to bed at 10pm is never a bad idea.

13. You CAN learn to love (or at least not loathe) exercise if you force yourself to do it enough

14.  If you realize you’re not smelling so hot on the way to a fancy event and the only thing around is a bottle of Febreeze, it will do as a makeshift deodorant (I may have just learned this last night.) Ain’t no shame in smelling like your aunt Marg’s spare bedroom.

15.  Wear sunscreen. Every day. Even in a snowstorm. Even when you’re sitting on your couch watching an Extreme Weight Loss marathon. Seriously. The sun is not your friend

16. Know your limits and when to say no. If you have a hard time with that, here are some GIFs you can use as inspiration:

 

 

17. Family is BAE. Even when they’re acting a fool and driving you crazy. Protect them always and never make excuses for them

18. Having thin hair is not a death sentence in this wonderful world of cheap and plentiful hair extensions

19. Sometimes you just gotta admit you’re the problem.

20. Don’t waste your time looking for the next best thing

21. You will have the frequent occasional Low Self-Esteem Tuesday. Drink a big glass of red wine, call a good friend and sleep it off.  Tomorrow will be a better day.

22. Patience is a virtue and one not many people possess. Having it will set you apart

23. Never let anyone see you sweat. Except at hot yoga cause ain’t no way you’re avoiding that

24. Embrace your quirkiness (I don’t know, maybe even start a blog about it)

25. Demand more for yourself. Kick anyone to the curb who isn’t giving you 150%

26. No one’s life is ever as good as it seems on Instagram

27. Being vulnerable once in a while is OK

28. Nutella makes everything better

29. Don’t be scared to take the occasional risk. Fortune favors the bold (although, mostly just rich people)

30. You can always find the humor in everyday life- you just need to look for it

Question of the day: Anything to add to my list? 

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5 thoughts on “30 Lessons On My 30th Birthday

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  1. Oh wizened woman of 30 yrs gone past it looks like you have learned much but there is much more for you to learn in your next 30 yrs on your steep slope to becoming an old crone haha! Take heed of … “If I knew I was going to live this long I would have taken better care of myself” Mickey Mantel. But more importantly “You are only young once, but you can be immature for a lifetime” John Grier. Happy Belated birthday! 🙂

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  2. Dear Diary – it has now been 28 days since we heard from BreezyK — the day before her 30th b’day. I have heard that life ends at 30 but I always thought that was just a saying, now I wonder is it true? I survived my 30th – was I just a lucky one that slipped thru the cracks and they are still coming to get me? Maybe BreezyK is STILL celebrating her 30th and hasn’t come up for air yet and I should make a reservation at the Betty Ford Centre for her? Is foul play at work here? Did she get thrown in Bridezilla jail? I think I will start putting together a few search parties … It is so hard to know where to start looking for thorny threnty year olds, they can be worse than tweens – she could still be partying like a twenty year old somewhere or off embracing her thirties at a Domestication Finishing School to officially become a prim and proper thirty year old. Such an awkward age it is so hard to know what has become of her… Christmas is coming up soon – how will I shop without a best gifts post from her… hmmm must save Christmas, Yes BreezyK must be found at any cost ! LOL!

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