Brow So Hard

You may recall that a while back, I was the victim of a horrific crime against brow-manity.


You can read all about it here, but in case you find that too traumatizing, here’s the cole’s notes version: some b*tch named Tina at The World’s Worst Salon waxed half my eyebrows off and burned me like a blank CD.

Not that I’m bitter or anything.

Anyhoo, it’s been nearly four months since that fateful day, and with the help of countless dollars’ worth of miracle growth products a little patience, regular exfoliating and nightly prayers to Saint Jude, the Patron Saint of Lost Causes, my eyebrows are FINALLY starting to grow back.  

The only problem is, now that I’ve been burned once before (quite literally), I’m a bit gun-shy. I’ve been scared sh*tless to let anyone else touch my brows lest I suffer the same fate.

And let me tell you- four months of regrowth ain’t pretty. My brows began to slowly take over my face like misshapen, wayward caterpillars.

When she heard my harrowing tale of woe, a friend recommended that I check out the Brow House in Yorkville, a salon dedicated exclusively to eyebrow maintenance in Toronto’s most chi-chi neighbourhood.

“They put me on a ‘brow plan’,” she told me “I love my eyebrows now”.

A brow plan? Well if that isn’t exactly the type of ridiculous, first world sh*t I live for, then I don’t know what is.  Sign me up!

I booked a “consultation” on Saturday afternoon, right between my hair and nail appointments (the struggle is real), and spent the rest of the week with visions of full brows dancing in my head.

The salon is tucked-away in a brownstone walk-up on a quiet Yorkville street. Inside, it is is minimalist and chic: all white with a few, well-spaced red salon chairs, mirrors, and a coffee table stacked with aspirational lifestyle magazines.

I was introduced to my “brow artist”, Natalia.

“How can I help you today?” she asked.

I proceeded to recount my traumatic experience.  “That is horrifying” she said, taking my hand and looking in my eyes seriously. “I am so sorry you have gone through that. You have come to the right place. ”

She proceeded to explain that, despite their current Anthony Davis status, my brows were actually in OK shape.  She drew a line on my face to show me where my brows should be, and said that for the most part, they were growing back nicely. After a couple more months, my arches would be good as new.

As she waxed away the stray hairs, she told me about the Brow House philosophy. “We take a lot of factors into consideration when providing a brow recommendation,” she explained, “your hair texture, color, face shape. If you have a round face, you will need longer, more arched brows to balance it out. For a longer face, we recommend flat brows with a low arch”.

I nodded enthusiastically, amazed by this brave new world of brow theory.

Like me, the ladies at the Brow House are firm believers in the “full brow lifestyle”.

“Have you ever considered getting a tint?” she asked. “That way you won’t have to fill them in every day?”

I was skeptical. What if I looked like one of those old ladies who colored in her eyebrows with a Maybeline eyeliner?


“No no, it will be subtle” she promised. Reluctantly, I consented, and held my breath as she coloured in my brows with a miniscule paint pot.

The result was, just as she had promised, natural and awesome.

“I feel like a whole new person!” I squealed, taking in my (arguably incrementally) changed appearance in the mirror.

I paid my bill (yikes) and booked another appointment in four weeks. Hook, line and sinker.

Exhibit A: Awkward After Pic I made Colin take of me in front of the microwave.


The price of beauty apparently knows no bounds, but god damn if I just bought me some good lookin’ brows.

Question of the Day:  What’s the craziest thing you’ve done for beauty?


14 thoughts on “Brow So Hard

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  1. Pah, the final pic isn’t showing up! But I reckon you look fab and will no doubt be the poster girl behind any future brow science malarkey.

    My beauty forays are pretty mundane to be honest. I died my hair brown years ago (back when I actually had some) and decided to apply it to my eyebrows… unfortunately it stained the skin so it looked like I had big thick caterpillars stuck to my face.


  2. I went back and read your original post. That’s quite a tale of woe. Being the beauty expert that I am (not in any concievable way), I’d say go easy on the old caterpillars for a while yet.

    I haven’t done anything crazy for beauty, unless you count having metal things glued to my teeth for 2 years when I was a kid. Something crazy for beauty would require transplanting my brain into a better-looking person’s body (historically only about a 50% success rate, and I’m overly cautious). Right now my brows are stylish because they resemble those of Peter Capaldi, the new Doctor Who. That’s actually my only beauty tip: Look for a famous person you resemble and then ride it out.

    Your “exhibit A” pic is not showing up for me, BTW.


      1. Having now viewed Exhibit A, I’d say your brows look to be in good health. However, there could still be emotional damage, so be patient.

        Did you make Colin that the pic, or did you make Colin take the pic specifically in front of the microwave? There’s a difference vis-a-vis understanding your psychological state. Or not.


  3. as always a little smile for the day. now i’m thrilled you’ve reconciled psychologically going for brow treatment but I would like to throw something out there. threading….no waxing, no burn which preserves your skin as you ugh…’age’. in Vancouver we’ve got he Bombaby Brow Bar!! Fantastic…Once I tried i ditched waxing forever.


  4. I recently delved into the half shaved head look. and I love it. Crazy things for beauty though, I dunno. Hmmm havent really done anything crazy, But I’m glad you got your brow problem sorted.


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