Aah High school: It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.
……..But mostly the worst of times. At least when it came to my fashion sense.
Looking back on the years 2001- 2004, there are many outfits of which I’m not proud… and by that I mean all of them. But who wants to peak in high school anyway? As Ashley Cardiff puts it in her book “Night Terrors: Sex, Dating, Puberty, and other Alarming Things“:
“As soon as anyone ever says that high school years are the best of your life, you should just X them permanently. They’re done; they don’t have anything to offer you”.
True dat. Here are just a few of the things I wore in high school that make me never want to relive those years:
1. All Puma Errthang
So back in high school I had a slight (ok, huge) obsession with Missy Elliot.
My love for the irreverent female rapper manifested itself in several different ways – all of which equally unfortunate. Like my desire to, despite being a white girl from small-town Nova Scotia, collect and wear as much Puma gear as humanly possible.
I had at least half a dozen puma handbags and several track jackets; all of which I saved up for and bought with the money I made working as a cashier at a Sobeys grocery store (which mostly involved taking extra-long breaks and flirting with the tattooed parcel pick-up guy). I would get decked out in all my Puma and drive to school in my parents huge Dodge Ram truck, blasting Under Construction at eardrum-shattering decibels.
….uh, yeah. I was THAT cool.
2. Sk8Er Shoes
My fashion identity as a teen (if you could even call it that) was schizophrenic at best. Despite being a hip-hop
apotamuswanna be, I also fancied myself as a bit of a skater girl. (What can I say, Avril Lavigne was big at the time).
Luckily, I kept it skater-light, so this mostly involved wearing skater shoes and the occasional pocket chain. I had a pair of baby blue suede Vans with maroon V’s that were my prized possession. I used to clean them every night meticulously with a toothbrush. I also had a pair of black Etnies with bubblegum pink accents.
I told you I am not proud of this.
3. Hawaiian Ginger Body Spray
If there’s one thing every 16-year-old girl needs, it’s
more self-esteem a signature scent- and Calgon Hawaiian Ginger body spray was mine.
Though I dabbled in both Satsuma from the Body Shop and Gap Dream, Hawaiian ginger was my tried, tested and true.
A pungent mix of exotic fruit, white orchids and broken adolescent dreams, the stench was enough to put hair on your chest.
I can’t even smell this sickeningly sweet concoction without being transported back to a time of secret parties, bottles clinking in backpacks (sorry mom & dad) and Pony by Ginuwine.
4. Low-Rise Jeans
If there is one thing I have learned in my old age, it’s that low-rise jeans flatter no one. Except for maybe pre-2007 Britney Spears.
Now, if I just had that DeLorean I’ve been asking for, then I could go back in time and tell my high-school self this and save us all a lot of embarassment.
Dear 17-year-old BreezyK: Hip Hugger flares have never been, nor will they ever be, your friend. Love: 27-year-old BreezyK.
5. American Eagle
I grew up in a small town where, aside from a sad Sears department store and a Northern Reflections, there was no clothing shopping whatsoever.
After 16 years of wearing nothing but Point Zero jeans and sweaters with loons on them,
I was stoked when an American Eagle Jeans store opened up about two hours away in Halifax.
For the rest of high school, I wore nothing but graphic tees and pre-distressed jeans.
I remember once while shopping, another customer asked me if I worked there. It was hands down the best moment of my life.
6. Chunky Highlights
Why, pray tell, did anyone ever think THIS was a good idea?
I could go on- but I think we’ve all suffered enough. Oh, and don’t even get me STARTED on my prom dress. That’s a whole other post right there.