A few weekends ago I went to New York City. Ostensibly, to visit my friend Jane for her birthday…in reality, to eat as much delicious food as humanly possible.
Our weekend of gluttony began on Friday night with not one but TWO (count ’em) dinners – the first at a Japanese restaurant in the East Village called Taishu-Izakaya Kenka.
Since the look of the menu nearly gave me an aneurysm:
I left Jane in charge of ordering. She summoned up a delectable feast for us including deep-fried calamari, delicious noodles, and of course, Japanese beer.
Dessert was do-it-yourself cotton candy from their COTTON CANDY MACHINE.
I love New York.
Although I was already pleasantly full, Jane insisted we check out a hot dog place down the street called Crif Dogs. I’ll admit I was slightly confused as to why we NEEDED gourmet hot dogs after ingesting a full delicious meal, but of course, I wasn’t about to say no (we are talking about food here, people).
We walked into a bustling underground hot dog diner filled with hipsters drinking Pabst Blue Ribbon around tables made from upturned arcade games, and I was convinced I was having a true New York experience.
Just as I began studying the menu and deciding what hot dog would be getting in mah belly, Jane beckoned my friend Alex and I into to an old timey phone booth at the side of the restaurant.
Confused, we followed her inside, where she picked up the receiver and dialed “1”. After a couple of seconds, a trap door on the other side of the phone booth swung open to reveal a SECRET SPEAKEASY! .
I’ll admit I was pretty excited, but also kind of bummed because, well I kinda wanted a hot dog. “Don’t worry,” said Jane. “They serve hot dogs in here too”. A private speakeasy that served HOT DOGS? I must have died and gone to heaven.
I ordered a specialty Kimchi dog:
And we shared an order of the world’s most delicious tater tots..which I totally hogged.
(Don’t worry, I saved some for later.)
We also sipped on just a few cocktails named after old-timey men involving different varietals of bourbon.
When the taxidermied bear on the wall started talking to me, I knew it was time to go; so we stumbled into a cab and went home to crash.
The next morning, we awoke with one thing on our minds: more food. (I told you guys I was on a mission).
Knowing another full day of eating was in store for us, we tried to minimize our caloric impact with a run across the Brooklyn Bridge……which, let’s be honest, mostly involved posing for instagram-worthy photo ops:
Then, we headed to Smorgasburg, an open air food festival in Williamsburg.
You guys, I thought places like this only existed in my dreams. Each tent was filled with a delectable culinary masterpiece: malt ball milkshakes; gourmet mac and cheese;
I didn’t take many pictures because, well my hands were kind of full stuffing my face incessantly… but I think this gif pretty much sums up the whole experience:
The big draw of the day was the Ramen Burger, a gourmet burger with buns made out of ramen noodles. The line was over two hours long!!
I was feeling pretty seedy after already ingesting a year’s worth of cheese, so we decided to pass on that one. (I’m sure it will become popular in Toronto in like, 2016 anyway.)
From there we rolled back over the bridge to Manhattan where we did some lazy shopping before heading to our next feast at Fatty Crab in the West Village.
Behold: The Big-Ass Bowl Of Crab:
Unpictured: The most heavenly pork buns that I made QUICK work of.
I wish I could say it ended there, but there was also a bit of this:
A little of this:
And a lot of this:
I can no longer fit into any of my clothes, but you know what?