Well, it’s Thursday- and you know what that means: time to check in on some of our favourite
has-beens celebrities from days gone by!
In my last edition of Throwback Thursday, I solicited recommendations for more celebrities to
exploit follow up on, and man, you guys did NOT disappoint. You came up with some real, certified, D-List gems- and that’s saying something, considering I thought most of them were on Celebrity Rehab or Couples Therapy already.
If you were alive in 1997 and still had functioning ear drums after being subjected to “My Heart Will Go On” eleventy billion times, then you are undoubtedly familiar with this song:
With these amazing lyrics, cheekbones for days, and hair that defied all natural laws of gravity, it seemed Jimmy Ray was destined for superstardom.
Alas- it was not meant to be. Apparently Jimmy suffered some “creative differences” with his label, and after producing a few more ill-fated singles, they dropped his ass. The English rockabilly crooner was left to join the ranks of such other one-hit wonders as Chumbawamba and Lou Bega (Mambo No. 5 anyone?).
So what’s a boy with nothing but a dream, some perfectly cuffed jeans and a glamorous novelty belt buckle to do?
Well I’ll tell you what he’s NOT doing: sitting at home, clutching his solid gold single and crying into his brylcreem.
Instead, Jimmy marched his signature pout and devil-may-care attitude down the street to someone who actually gave a damn. Now he’s a member of the Airplayers, a song production team producing pop acts mainly in the UK and Europe. (He also has a LinkedIn profile, so you know he’s serious.)
I can’t find a recent pic, but for the love of God, I hope he hasn’t lost all his hair.
Color Me Badd
… I mean, they really need no introduction. The early 90’s R&B group from Oklahoma sold over 12 million albums in the U.S. with such hits as “I Wanna Sex You Up” and “All 4 love” – all while rocking jewel-toned pantsuits.
A moment of silence for that trend, please.
Anyway, after schooling us all in the arts of synchronized dance routines and color blocking:
Color Me Badd broke up in 2000, and the four members went their separate ways.
- Sam Watters became a record producer and married American Idol alum Tamyra Grey
- Mark Calderon became a Christian recording artist
- Kevin Thorton was ordained as a Minister, and
- Bryan Abrams was up on domestic violence charges.
Although the R&B Angels sing no more, their legacy still lives on by inspiring such parody videos as Lonely Island’s “D*ck In A Box”.
… and at the end of the day, that’s what every band wants, isn’t it?
If you were a teenage girl in the late 90’s, then don’t even pretend you didn’t lose your sh*t every time “When The Lights Go Out” came on at your high school dance:
You know you rocked your kerchief top and cargo pants on the dance floor so hard at least one of your butterfly clips flew out and wedged itself in some unsuspecting kid’s braces.
It wasn’t your fault. These dudes were certified lady killers: “Slam Dunk Da Funk”, “Got the Feelin”, “If Ya Gettin Down” – need I go on??
Sadly, 5ive’s time in the spotlight was short-lived. The Brit boy band, which was created by the same producers as The Spice Girls (and included a member named “Abz Love”), split up in 2001 after- you guessed it- “creative differences”. The boys’ post-breakup history is pretty much par for the course: failed solo careers, stints at music production, domestic abuse allegations, oh- and of course a reality show.
That’s right. Earlier this year, 5ive teamed up with fellow has-beens 911, Atomic Kitten, B*Witched, Honeyz and Liberty X, for the British documentary series The Big Reunion, which followed the bands as they prepared for a reunion concert.
I have obviously been scouring the internet for footage of this train wreck but haven’t been able to find it. UK readers- help a sista out. Where can I watch this television gold?