The world is a strange and mysterious place.
I am reminded of this almost every time I log into WordPress and peruse the list of search terms people have used to find my blog.
While many are unsurprising (“Camel”, “Breezyk”, “unbelievably hot Sex Goddess”), others are pretty funny, and some just downright weird.
Regardless, they give me a good chuckle every time I read them, so I thought I would share a few of the best with you guys today.
Lord knows we could all use a good laugh, given that it’s now the second most miserable month of the year (after February), and the days are about as long as an episode of Breaking Amish ( not nearly long enough).
Not to mention the fact that I’ve heard the term “electoral college” way more times in the past 24 hours than I have enough booze for. In the words of the great Canadian treasure Avril Lavigne: Americans, why you gotta go and make things so complicated?
Hurts mah GD brain, y’all.
Here we go:
10 15* Best Search Terms That Have Led People to My Blog Lately:
*I tried to narrow it down, but couldn’t. There were just too many gems. My editorial notes can be found below.
1. “where to find lonely people”
– Ding ding!!
2. “nadya suleman creepy”
– couldn’t agree more.
3. “i wish my voice was like Lil’ Wayne’s”
– I wish a lot of things of mine were like Lil’ Waynes. Most notably, my bank account.
4. “fat ginger women”
– this one is just perplexing. I don’t even know any fat ginger women. Besides maybe Ron Weasley’s mom from Harry Potter. And I don’t even really know her. I just read about her once in a book. Keep searchin’, buddy.
5. “hipster ukelele”
6. “funny pictures about snacks”
– there is nothing funny about snacks. Snacks are sacred.
7. “Nice things about living in Nova Scotia”
– answer: EVERYTHING.
Well, besides the chronically high unemployment. And the mixed precipitation. And the low number of Starbucks per capita. But besides that.. everything else.
8 “loneliness is highly overrated”
– is it? caaaause I thought I made it look pretty miserable…
9. “seth meyers hot”
– Preach, like-minded google searcher!
10. “How long does carb face last?”
– Well, if you’re like me (checks watch), about 27 years.
11. “drink in moderation”
– Haha. Ha.
12. الورد الاحمر.
– still working on this one.
13. “my dirty laundry”
– sorry, you’ll only find mine here I’m afraid.
14. “archery backpack”
– Sorry I couldn’t help you, person who searched this. Let me know when you find one though. I’ve also been looking for a more efficient means of transporting my archery supplies.
15. “”God wants to talk to you but can’t”
– Oh, I’m sure he does…
So to recap: according to Google, I am a lonely, ukelele-playing ginger woman with a voice like Lil Wayne and a penchant for archery, who lives in Nova Scotia, is a moderate drinker, and has not yet found God.
Sounds about right.
To all the Googling weirdos, creepers and lonely souls out there: keep on searching. You’ll get it right eventually.