10 Reasons Why I’m Not Ready to Quit Facebook

I read an article in the Huffington Post recently that said according to recent data from the American Customer Satisfaction Index, Facebook scored only a 61 out of 100 in customer satisfaction among users. That’s an 8-point drop from 2011, and the fourth-lowest score among all 230 companies surveyed.

The article also referred to the growing number of “Why I Quit Facebookblog posts and editorials popping up all over the internet lately, written by jilted Facebook creepers users who have decided to escape the clutches of the addictive social media superpower once and for all.

A lot of different reasons have been given for the shift- from loosey-goosey privacy standards, to the disappointing IPO, to a desire to interact with people on a more personal level, to just straight up self- respect.  Whatever the reason, it seems that “de-facing” (as it has colloquially become known) is now all the rage.

Man. Mark Zuckerberg better hope that Justin Bieber doesn’t tweet that sh*t.

Anyway, despite the mass exodus, I can assure you that my creepy ass quirky online persona isn’t going anywhere. I didn’t spend all of this time picking out the perfect profile picture for nothing.

If you’re wondering, this is it by the way:

Faces obscured to protect the innocent

I think it really screams “hey! I’m cute, approachable, have at least two people willing to be in a photo friends with me, and on occasion like to treat myself to a fun, flirty cocktail! Now friend me, b*tches!”

But this amazing profile pic isn’t the only reason I’m sticking around. Here, for your reading enjoyment, are

10 more (super serious and not at all sarcastic) reasons I’m not ready to quit Facebook:

1. Because I haven’t seen enough of your baby photos yet.

Seriously. Keep ’em coming.

2. Because facebook has taught me that I too can become a “photographer”simply by purchasing a digital SLR Camera.

Or squirrel.
or raccoon.
or this toad wearing a straw hat.
Or this siamese cat.
Or whatever this thing is.

3. One word: INSTAGRAM

4. Because my self-worth is a fragile and delicate being made up primarily of “Likes”, comments and tissue paper.

Spoiler alert: it is.

5. Because of all the amazing inspirational quotes that help me make it through the day, like this one:

Truth.

6. Because I won’t rest until I discover the deeper meaning behind your cryptic status update….

7. Ummm… how else would I make my ex-boyfriend jealous??

8. Because I’ll never grow tired of seeing exactly what you ate for dinner.

Especially if it looks like this. Heh. That pancake man looks like a judge.

9. Because that picture of you and your entire family posing in an oversized Adirondack chair is just so god damn adorable.

It’s funny, cause it’s bigger than a regular chair.

….and finally:

10.  Each and every one of your super romantic and not at all cheesy engagement/wedding photos.

……..Thank you for showing me that fairy tales really do come true. Just one request though- could we get a few more of the “holding hands across the railroad tracks” pose, please? K thanks.

Question of the Day: Are you ready to quit Facebook? Why, or why not?

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30 thoughts on “10 Reasons Why I’m Not Ready to Quit Facebook

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  1. Facebook makes me angry too, no, I’m not interested in how many fluid ounces your child has ingested today, or hearing you talk about yourself in the third person ‘mummy is so proud…’. Ranting this much makes me feel alive….

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    1. You can take the girl out of Nova Scotia….. actually, scratch that. “Adirondack” has no affiliation with Nova Scotia whatsoever. I think it’s in New York there. Muskoka it is!

      Like

  2. It’s 9:30am and I can already commit to saying that this post will be be the best part of my day. Great photo accompaniments!

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  3. Facebook sucks. Take the plunge and drop out. These pictures and stories are all over the Internet – no need for Facebook today anymore than there was yesterday. I never did understand it from the beginning: if I have my friend’s email addresses why do I need Facebook to connect with them? As for reconnecting with those from the past, my experience was one of finding there is usually a reason people grow apart.

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    1. I guess it allows you to connect in a passive way without having to be really “connected”. Which is kind of sad in a way, but also something a lot of people want these days…

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  4. I don’t use my personal account much, and I usually get annoyed when I look at the stuff posted in my timeline. “Packet of crisps, lol” for instance.

    I now have a Facebook page that I use, to try and promote my books and writing, which is far more bearable.

    Facebook itself is a horrendously unwieldy beast though.

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  5. I dunno. Maybe. I do like keeping up with my friends that live in other places, and it’s hard to do so without something and Facebook certainly beats the bon bons out of myspace and friendster (what are we, animals?), but the banality of it all does make me check it much less than I used to. Those inspirational quotes make me want to punch a newborn. And I don’t mind people posting pictures of their kids so long as it is at least 1/3 or less of the person’s photos. If all you can do is post photos of your kid, set up a profile for your kid and shut up. Also, I would add two types of people that have really gotten under my skin recently: 1) the super-user: this mofo wants you to know EVER detail every five seconds of their life. I made the mistake of starring one person that literally posted something at least every 15 minutes if not more, none of which was at all consequential. 2) the cutesy fake profile of some literary character: these d-bags have shifted back to full myspace glory by having (usually multiple) fake profiles of people like Oscar Wildewoodflower or Abraham Lincolncontinental, complete with photos of ironic activities on what said character is doing (“I’m dancing the fandango. My, aren’t these modern computer gadgets just so passé”). It’s not cute. It’s obnoxious. It’s like some kid in drama club couldn’t make it in the art world, and so has to bore us by cluttering up the sidewalk with his crap. Sigh.

    That all being said, I love a good lolcat.

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    1. I agree on the 1/3 or less ratio. That should be a site rule. And also on the over posting of details… especially when it takes on a journal-like quality. I guess I could always skip over them but for some reason I’m compelled to read even the worst ones. They make me feel better about myself maybe….

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  6. I dropped off facebook, and stayed off it for over a year. I resumed my relationship strictly as a means of drumming up readers for my blog. So you know, getting facebook software off of your computer is almost as difficult as getting labradoodle poop out of the treads of a new pair of Chuck Taylors.

    I’ll probably stay on it, just so I can alert the three friends on there who actually read when I post something. Also, I enjoy feeling superior to the ones who write and post particularly pathetic stuff. Finally, I get a kick out of not “liking” any number of causes, regardless of how politically correct they might be.

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    1. haha you say that as if you have extensive experience with this labradoodle poop/chuck taylor problem. Is that a fair assessment?
      Good on you for not liking those causes! Eff the man!

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  7. I actually took a break from Facebook after breaking up with a girl. I didn’t want her to see I was managing without her. She’s also spending the summer in Europe. I don’t need to be reminded how much better looking the guys she meets over there are than I am.

    I hardly use it anymore anyway. You captured everything here as to why I hate it. I avoid socializing as much as possible in person. If I can avoid it online I am all for it.

    By the way I used that same profile picture strategy before. I was with two women and a black guy. It let people know I am not sexist or a racist. When you need a picture to prove it, you probably are.

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  8. Just got back from the beach, stopped into the grocery store to pick up some things for dinner, and now I’m going to take a shower before eating and settling in for the night!

    …exactly the type of thing people post that I hate!
    Sorry to infiltrate your blog.
    Lol

    Like

    1. don’t forget to tell me about your pajamas. in great detail. Also what you watch on TV (especially if its Big Brother), your nighttime snack, and how long you brushed your teeth for. I’ll be checking back in for an update soon.

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  9. So funny, yet I have to bury my head now since I am guilty of some of these things. I have considered my facebook posts (which may annoy others) to be sort of a journal to self, something I don’t care if someone else judges because it’s for my own record. Maybe I’m overboard on pics, at least I don’t get ultra personal on my daily activities and mood. Thanks for the laugh – and I think I will share this on my facebook wall now!

    Like

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