We’re all familiar with the concept of a “Bucket List”, right? Initially popularized by the 2007 film of the same name, a Bucket List is essentially a list of things a person wants to do before he or she kicks the proverbial bucket.
Sounds kind of depressing, doesn’t it? Well for some reason, people have gone absolutely crazy over this concept. Books have been written about it. Countless websites are devoted to it. Even
King Midas Oprah has one.
I noticed recently that Bucket Lists have become all the rage in the blogosphere as well. Many bloggers have a separate tab for their Bucket Lists, where they keeping a running tally of all the items they’ve completed and blog about each experience. It started to feel like every second blog I read featured someone running a marathon, or swimming with dolphins, or climbing mount Everest, or becoming a Monorail conductor, or eating the world’s biggest hoagie, or living in the woods while keeping a journal of their thoughts, or bowling a perfect game.
……….Ok, so at least half of those were actually Homer Simpson’s lifelong dreams. But you get the picture.
Anyway, after reading about all of these great adventures, I started feeling a little envious. Why wasn’t that me standing beside the Grand Canyon with a big, shit-eating grin on my face? Why didn’t I have any pictures of myself hiking the Inca Trail, rendered impossibly skinny from a recent bout of altitude sickness? I wanted that altitude sickness god, dammit!!
I knew what I had to do. I had to cool it on the Real Housewives, and instead devote all of my free time to creating the ultimate Bucket List. With a little luck, soon I too would be celebrating arbitrary goals and posting self-indulgent photos on Facebook!
This was going to be great. I’d compose the best Bucket List EVER, post it on my blog, and get all kinds of
self-worth positive feedback and reinforcement.
Only, when I actually sat down to write it, I realized the majority of the things I wanted to do were either:
(a) too expensive ;
(b) impossible (although, in an ideal world, I would get to meet Astronaut Jones and take a rocket to the moon with him) ; or
(c) embarassing (you WISH I would go there).
It’s sort of disheartening to realize that the majority of things you want to do in life are out of your current reach. Plus, I found the whole exercise to be a little depressing. Thinking about things you want to do before you die sort of makes you think about… well, dying. And that’s a bit of a buzzkill, isn’t it?
I realized then that I didn’t actually want a Bucket List. The last thing I (or any of us) need is another t0-do list. Just thinking about all the sh*t I have to do on a daily basis overwhelms me. Why would I want to itemize the things I actually DO want and risk turning them into just one more chore I have to feel bad about not completing?
Do you wanna know what I think? I think instead of a Bucket List, what we all really need, is a F*cket List.
That’s right. Instead of trying to do MORE sh*t, I think we really all need to just do LESS sh*t. Starting with giving a f*ck. All those things that people say we should do, or shouldn’t do, or should like, or shouldn’t like? Yeah, eff that noise.
Instead of stressing out and feeling bad about ourselves, why not just make a list of all the things that society tries to force upon us that piss us off, and vow to simply not give a f*ck about them?
I’ll start. I hereby vow to give zero f*cks about the following items from this day forward:
- Drinking 8 glasses of water a day.
- Spanx. Aww hellls nah.
- Getting 8 hours of sleep.
- Haters. They gon’ hate.
- The phrase “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all”. Cause saying mean sh*t is fun.
- Saving Money.
- Karma. She can be a real b*tch sometimes.
- Last Call.
- Electronic Music.
Phew. I feel better already!! So, who’s with me??