So, after meeting a pseudo (not really) celebrity on Friday night and acting like the female version of Michael Cera, obviously, the rest of the night was spent drowning my sorrows in.. well, everything.
Needless to say, Saturday morning hit me like a freight train…but after meeting some friends for recovery eggs benny on the rooftop patio of The Drake Hotel (I like to live my life in a highly
leveraged fabulous sort of way), I was ready to face the day.
It was 30 degrees and sunny in Toronto, and despite the fact that we are all clearly going to die from global warming, we were all in great spirits, and so decided to hit up Toronto’s Trinity Bellwoods Park.
Bellwoods, for those of you who aren’t familiar, is kind of like Toronto’s answer to Central Park… only with less trees.. and more hipsters. Yeah.. it’s basically nothing like Central Park.
Anyway, the hipsters were out in full force that day, lemme tell ya. If you
have been living under a rock are unfamiliar with the concept of hipsters, according to Urbandictionary.com:
“Hipsters are a subculture of men and women typically in their 20’s and 30’s that value independent thinking, counter-culture, progressive politics, an appreciation of art and indie-rock, creativity, intelligence, and witty banter”
And if that’s too cerebral for you, then maybe some pictures will help to explain it. You are a hipster if you….
have a haircut like this:
Or, if you’re a girl, this:
Glasses like these:
ironic facial hair:
A fixie bike:
and Clothes like these:
I could go on, but..you get the picture.
Anyway, as we watched a male hipster in cut-off jean shorts and a black and white American flag tank top spread his blanket out and settle into his book (I couldn’t see, but I bet it was definitely either Jack Kerouac or Norman Mailer) my friend turned to me and said: ” you know, the hipsters really have won”.
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“Look at this place..” she said, gesturing around at the grass dotted with vintage throw blankets housing aloof looking 20-somethings and their assorted hipster paraphernalia. “Hipsters have completely taken over. Not just the park, but society in general”
I looked dubiously at the group of kids to our right eating organic kimchi soba noodles out of free-range take-out containers, my suspicions raising with each discarded Pabst Blue Ribbon can I counted.
I gazed back down at my newly purchased copy of US Weekly. Suddenly reading about celebrity gossip felt misplaced. I shouldn’t care about celebrity gossip. In fact, if I wanted to be cool- I shouldn’t care about anything.
“You’re right”… I responded “Hipsters have become the mainstream.. now we are just the subculture.”
And it’s really true. Toronto, at least, has become a hipster hotbed. No longer does Bay Street set the tone- hipster preferences rule the masses. The hottest new restaurants are no longer 5 star, Michelin-rated establishments, but hole-in-the-wall $3 taco joints with 2 hour wait times (like this one I went to this weekend. and it was delicious. Damn you hipsters.) Because of their lobbying, some of the biggest issues in Toronto municipal politics have become bike regulations, rent control, and zoning for more bars on Ossington. If we’re not careful, we’re gonna end up like Williamsburg, Brooklyn- electing a 27-year-old hipster as mayor.
I found it kind of funny to think about what life would be like in Toronto if we had a hipster for mayor, so I canvassed my friends, and together we came up with a few thoughts:
- Our hipster mayor would probably be named Jef with one “f”, and his work experience would include: being in a band, working for his dad’s PR firm, and a brief stint slinging Burritos before graduating to a solid 9-5 at a non-for-profit providing fans for endangered birds in Africa to combat the effects of global warming.
- Jef’s fiscal budget would probably be broken down a little like this:
- 15% – public transportation
- 5%- Prius subsidies.
- 80%- cats.
- All of Jef’s public appearances would be made via Skype or Instagram.
- All workplaces would have mandated 15 minute Facebook/Twitter breaks.
- Everything would be Occupied.
- Music would once again be mandatory in public schools, only instead of piano and ukulele, kids will learn the Synthesizer.. and how to dance like this:
- Stephen Harper would be burned at the stake.
- Trips to South America to “find oneself” would be mandatory for 20-somethings.
Man, I don’t know about you guys.. but this sounds like a city I’d like to live in. Jef for mayor in 2014!
Question of the Day: Have hipsters taken over YOUR city?
…. what do you think it’d be like to have a hipster mayor?