For as long as I can remember, I have always wanted blue eyes. Nevermind the fact that with my exceptionally fair complexion, this would probably make me look like Powder, sans the alopecia, I’ve always found blue eyes to be both mesmerizing, and ridiculously beautiful.
The combination of dark hair and blue eyes is one I find particularly striking and exotic- made famous by such celebrities as:
- Elizabeth Taylor:
- Nelly Furtado
- Courtney Cox
- and of course, my girl Zooey
Like me, my oldest sister was also born with the curse of the brown eye. We regularly commiserate about this- and jealously pine over the beautiful, chameleon coloured eyes of our mom and sister. A few years back, fed up with being genetically short-changed, we decided to purchase coloured contacts. Excitedly, we opened the package and tried them out- certain that this was going to be a game-changer- only to discover what any little kid with a box of crayolas already knew: blue was never, ever meant to cover brown.
The resulting look, which could only be described as “WTF happened to your eyes” , left much to be desired. Now a murky looking brown, interspersed with shards of faded blue, it looked as though someone had tried to douse our pupils in bleach, and then got bored halfway through. Dejected, we resigned ourselves to the fact that brown eyes would forever be our crosses to bear in this life.
That is, until yesterday, when a friend sent me this link- letting me know that a doctor in Laguna Beach, California, claims that he is only about a year away from perfecting a laser technology that will allow you to change your eye colour from brown to blue.
Could it be TRUE?
I guess all of that time spent praying to the Gods of Elizabeth Taylor, and blessing myself daily with White Diamonds finally paid off- because my friends, it seemed as though I had been granted a miracle.
This was going to be amazing. With my new blue eyes, I was sure I’d instantly become the next Hollywood “It” girl. Move over Megan Fox. In fact, move over Rosie Huntington-Whiteley. Michael Bay will clearly no longer be requiring your services for Transformers 4.
So caught up I was in my
delusions daydreams, that I never even realized I had only read the first sentence of the article. I scanned down, and read a bit more:
According to Dr. Greg Homer, even us chocolate-eyed folk have blue eyes underneath a layer of brown pigment. The procedure he has invented will take only 20 seconds, cost approximately $5000, and will involve a laser beam absorbing the brown pigment from the surface of the iris, leaving the eyes blue. Since the brown tissue will never regenerate; you can’t get back your brown eyes once the procedure is done. AKA: That shit is for LIFE.
Hmm. This new information caused me to observe a number of logistical issues with my previously foolproof plan:
- “Permanent” is a bit of a terrifying concept. I wouldn’t go as far as to say I’m a committment phobe- but I also don’t have any aspirations of looking like Kat Von D anytime soon.
- 20 seconds seems a disappointingly short amount of time for such a momentous event (which, coincidentally, is also what Mariah Yeater said about her time with Justin Bieber.. BOOM)
- Shit costs $5000- also known as more than the value of all of my worldly possessions
- Bitch from the article looks downright creepy:
On second thought- I think I’ll sit this one out. Brown eyes aren’t so bad, I guess.. after all, Kim DOES have them…. and they DO give me free license to excitedly point at myself while dancing to the Van Morrison classic “Brown Eyed Girl” at weddings.. both tradeoffs I can live with.