Family / Humour

Move over, Nadya Suleman….

I wish I loved anything in life as much as my 7-year-old niece, Lola, loves her dolls.

Well,  “Babies” is actually the proper term to describe them- which she will remind you of  time, and time again when you inevitably make the mistake of suggesting that they are in some way inanimate. 

The child has been obsessed with dolls since she was in diapers. She is never without a baby tucked under one (or both) arms, or a stroller overflowing with counterfeit infants and their corresponding accessories. If there’s one thing I can say, it’s that she takes her role as a “mother” extremely seriously at all times. 

When it comes to grade- she prefers the old-school, stuffed-body/plastic limbed, variety (yeah- the ones with the creepy glass eyes); eschewing both Barbie and her posse, and the suggestively dressed Bratz dolls (one time I gave her one of these for her  birthday.. I think she regifted it).

She has moved through her young life collecting new babies the way Paris Hilton collects boyfriends… only unlike Paris, she doesn’t purge one when a new one enters the picture- she keeps them all, and attempts, honorably, to pay equal attention to all of them.  Currently, her “children” include (in order of appearance):

  • Baby (the original- and though she vehemently denies it- I think her favourite)
  • Jo-Jo (who curiously is half the size of Baby, although according to her adoption papers, exactly the same age)
  • Lillian
  • Rebecca
  • Kara
  • Liam (soon to be canonized for his having to deal with so much estrogen)
  • Elizabeth; and
  • Alive (her unimaginatively named Baby Alive doll… hey, cut the kid some slack- she must be running out of steam at this point) 

In case you lost track- that’s 8- Count ’em- 8 babies.

She is basically the Octomom.

Nadya Suleman- AKA the “Octomom”
I’ve learned that being a 7-year-old Octomom is no easy feat. Anytime we want to go somewhere, it takes us approximately 8 times as long to get ready; as 8 babies need to be strapped into strollers, tucked into car seats, and adequately fed and bottled in advance. Make the mistake of suggesting that one or more of them “just stay home” and you will be met with a death stare that seethes: “REAL Mothers don’t leave their children unattended. You must be some kind of idiot.”

Like with Nadia herself, my sister and other members of my family have subtly (and not so subtly) tried to suggest that perhaps 8 children were enough. But driven by some unidentifiable force, she continues to long for another child… placing it atop every Christmas & birthday wishlist.

I’m reserving my god-given right as an Aunt to be worried about this for now. She’s only 7 after all, and when I was 7 I was spending more time with my imaginary friends and imposing arbitrary bedtimes than actually living.

 For now I’ll just laugh about it… especially if my sister keeps sending me pictures like this one:

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9 thoughts on “Move over, Nadya Suleman….

  1. So… I haven’t sat down with Lola to read your blog yet. She asks me every day if you’ve posted a new one, but today was crazy busy.

    This morning, however, I showed her the photo I took last night ( last photo in blog ), thinking she’d get a good laugh out of it.

    She smiled, but immediately, the conversation took a serious turn when she said ” mama… You didn’t put this on the Internet or anything, did you? ’cause the babies really don’t appreciate having their photo taken while they’re sleeping”

    Is there a liability issue here, sister lawyer? Breach of trust? Or are we good? 🙂

    Funny stuff- can’t wait to let her read it tomorrow!

    Like

    • This is amazing. And re: liability – at first blush, it seems that there might be a liability concern here, given the power imbalance between the parties (me, being a lawyer- they, being dolls)… but due to the fact that their legal guardian will not reach the age of majority for another 11 years and thus can’t bring a lawsuit until then- I think I might be off the hook 😉

      Like

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