Well, it’s Friday- and you know what that means- time for another unsolicited recap of some of this week’s things that make me go “yaayyyy”, and some things that make me want to join the cast of Dancing With The Stars and hide out under one of Chaz Bono’s man-boobs until they go away.
This week, surprisingly, I have a disproportionate amount of Good things… which is fortunate, because Chaz Bono’s nether regions are an area I do not really wish to explore.
So without further adieu, let’s get started (And P.S. don’t forget to check out Vol. 1 and Vol. 2. if you missed ’em- I talk about some really important and life-changing stuff… like mascara… and cheese)
Turn Up the Good:
Bored to Death Season 3: If you have never seen this HBO gem, now is the perfect time to jump on the bandwagon… the show is written by Jonathan Ames, and stars Jason Schwartzman as Jonathan Ames (modesty is apparently not one of his biggest virtues)- a struggling author who also doubles as a private detective for hire on craigslist. Only he’s really bad at it. And his sidekicks; “George” (played by Ted Danson), a narcissistic magazine publisher, and “Ray” (played by Zach Galifianakis), a mildly successful cartoonist with a penchant for drawing penises, are even worse. I’ll let you fill in the blanks.
*Sidenote – Have any of you read any of Jonathan Ames novels?? Are they worth it? At the risk of thoroughly pissing off my DVR, I’m considering actually reading a book for a change…
Misadventures In Zombie Film-making: Since I got a bit of a positive response to “Frasier the Crane” last week, I thought I’d share with you this week’s breaking news story gleaned from watching Breakfast Television on the treadmill. Apparently, they are currently filming Resident Evil 5 in Toronto, and a few days ago a platform collapsed during filming, injuring 12 extras who had to be rushed to the hospital. The catch?
The doctors apparently couldn’t tell which of that shit was real, and which of it was just the magic of film.
I mean… it’s kind of a sin and everything, but it’s also extremely hilarious and ironic. I would love to be a fly on the wall in that hospital when a truckload of zombies gets carted in… is it just me or does this sound like the plotline to the Grey’s Anatomy Halloween special?? ( Who’s got the rights to that shit? Call me.) And while we’re on the subject- what is it with Zombies, anyway? Why do people love them?? I liked Michael Jackson’s “Thriller” Video just as much as the next girl… but really? Zombie Walks? Any Zombie fans out there who can explain this to me?
Kim Kardashian’s Wedding Special: You didn’t think I was going to let this go by without comment did you??? As much as in my heart I know this is a made-for-tv wedding publicity stunt, I just can’t help but love it. I’ll spare those of you who aren’t
completely obsessed fans the recap of the full four hours, and I’ll just share a few of my thoughts (*but if any of you are interested in a full-on, scene by scene recap of the entire episode, please do not hesitate to e-mail me at email@example.com) :
- The emphasis placed on Rob’s binge eating problem was completely gratuitous, and clearly just PR for his appearance on “Dancing with the Stars”… but I still loved watching him order 12 tacos and then cry about it on camera.
- Kris Humphries acts like a 12 year old… and is clearly a scrub. “Ohhh something happened with my Air Miles Kim and now I can’t afford to fly my pastor in to the wedding” yahuh. Likely story, buddy
- Someone should probably give Vera Wang a sandwich.
- “Kris & Bruce Jenner in a sex toy shop” is right up there on the list of things I didn’t need to see in my lifetime. Bible.
Honourable Mentions (or “Half Blast”, if you will)
A few of this week’s gems that didn’t quite make the cut… presented without (much) comment:
- Whitney Houston will NOT always love Seatbelts, apparently
- Children are starving in Africa, and all we care about are Lindsay Lohan’s teeth … that sh*t IS pretty messed up, though…
- I see that Ashton Kutcher’s mistress is going the Rachel Uchitel route…. next stop, Celebrity Rehab
Footloose, The Remake- The suck knob is definitely cranked up to 10 on this one. Why does Hollywood insist on always messing with good things? First “Dirty Dancing: Havana Nights”, and now this? Not only do we have to watch Julianne Hough attempt to act, we also have to listen to Blake Shelton (yah, that guy from “The Voice”) massacre Kenny Loggins official title track by “putting a country spin on it” . Plus, that dude they hired to replace Zach Efron? A little piece of me dies every time I watch the preview and hear him say “this is OUR time”. Kevin Bacon, I implore you- use as many degrees of separation as you need to put an END to this nonsense.
Blackberry: More like WHACK berry. Constant service interruptions this week? No BBM?? No bueno. I don’t really understand how service could be down for so long worldwide though… my only guess is that a group of disgruntled shareholders have been performing voodoo on an 8700-series in some back room somewhere. Damn you Apple and your projected $700 share price!!! That iphone is starting to look better and better. But oh wait- guess what else is on the list:
The Iphone 4S – Since my blackberry screen has been cracked for ages now, I decided I was finally going to replace it with the new iphone coming out this month.. but then we get the big announcement: Introducing… the Iphone 4S!
WTF? Wasn’t this supposed to be the Iphone 5?? What, do I have to wait for T,U,V,W,X,Y,Z first, now?
Also, on a related note why is there ALWAYS a line at the Apple Store?? It’s not like they don’t sell Ipods anywhere else… Are all of the sales associates Victoria Secret models?? Do they give you cocaine-laced beverages while you wait?I’ve never stuck around long enough to find out… (And P.S., I’m sorry if this I-rant is insensitive given the recent passing of Steve Jobbs…. I think he was a great guy, and I wish I had’ve been like Forrest Gump and got in on Apple early… then I could just torture you all with blog entries on a full-time basis)
Hope your weekends are all heavy on the good- and low on the suck…. I know mine will be, if I can manage to get home without being bludgeoned to death by Occupy Wall Street protestors…. wish me luck.