Between all the talk about self-doubt, fate and serendipity, plus my novice literary critiques, I feel like things have been getting a little heavy around here lately.
Intellectual Dachshund says: Who you calling”heavy”? Last time I checked, I’m not the one who hasn’t been to the gym in a week .
Ahem. I said we’ll talk about this later.
Anyway, today, I’m going to lighten the mood a little by resurrecting a feature I like to call: “You Googled What??”- a collection of the most ridiculous, obscene,and sometimes just plain sad search terms people have used to find my blog. (If you missed the first installment, you can find it here.) Below are just a few of my favorites- along with some color commentary.
“epi-pen party”
Um. Is this a thing? Because, like, not to be a Debbie Downer or anything, but it sounds kind of dangerous. You should probably have a doctor on hand. And everyone’s up-to-date emergency contact information.
Safety first!
Other than that, have fun you crazy kids!
“Hanging with Mr. Cooper”
Boy, this one brought me back. Who didn’t love this mid-90′s TV gem about a charismatic retired NBA player turned substitute teacher who moves in with his two gorgeous female friends? Think Three’s Company, but with an urban twist.
Not only was Hangin with Mr. Cooper quality TV programming on its own, it also had the privilege of being included in potentially the best TGIF lineup ever (IMO): featuring Family Matters, Boy Meets World and Step by Step.
There are too many wonderful things in this pic to count.
I was curious what ever happened to Mark Curry (aka Mr. Cooper), so I did a little Googling. Apparently, he is now on the Nick-at-Nite family show See Dad Run with Scott Baio (!!) and does stand up comedy on the side. He also got burned pretty badly a few years back after a can of aerosol spray exploded in his house, and he contemplated suicide for a while, until he talked to Sinbad (!!!) and decided that life really was worth living after all.
I honestly can’t even make this sh*t up.
“small town guy just trying to fit in”
Call Me.
Especially if you look like this.
“home alone bird lady”
Sin, guys. ……………I mean, I know I kind of look like her, but really.
“why would someone steal my hairbrush”
OMG you too??? WHO IS THIS PERSON AND WHAT DO THEY WANT FROM US
“Am I meant to be alone forever?”
While I unfortunately do not have a crystal ball, I can give you this handy little quiz to help you answer that one:
1) Do you have a cat?
2) How many?
3) Is your PVR more than 80% filled with episodes of Say Yes to the Dress and/or Real Housewives?
4) Do you collect human hair?
5) Do you refer to the side of the bed you don’t sleep on as “the storage side” ?
If you answered yes to 87% or more of these questions, then I’m sorry to tell you that yes, you are a card-carrying member of the Forever Single Club. But never fear! In the words of the King Of Pop:
“best diorama ever”
Finding the “best diorama ever” is an incredibly noble pursuit. That’s why I thought I would help by identifying a few suggestions: 
….. also, apparently marshmallow peep dioramas are a thing:
…. and my ultimate winner:
“I want to make an artificial jungle to submit in my school for an exhibition”
……you should totally do that. And then send photos. Actually, live footage would be preferable.
“camel on America’s next top model All Stars”
Um. Is this true?? Because that would be AWESOME. I bet that Camel could show those skinny b*tches a thing or two about posing.
My humps.. my lovely lady lumps
“is being a quirky girl a good thing?”
My heart breaks for the poor, insecure girl who searched this. Mostly because it was probably me.
“indie love mixtape”
Yes, please.
“what to do if kids happen to see their Christmas gifts on Christmas eve and ruin the surprise”
…Give up now because you are obviously the worst mother ever and nothing in your kid’s life will ever be the same again. Way to ruin everything, mom.
“how to identify leftover yarn”
Like, are we talking from a pile of other non-yarn related items? Or from a pile of other pieces of yarn, some of which new, some of which “leftover”? …. Either way… you should probably just ask your mom.
