10 Foolproof Father’s Day Gift Ideas

Father’s Day is right around the corner, and if you’re anything like me, you’ve been far too busy patio drinking and getting your picks in for your office Bachelorette pool to find that something special for Dear Old Dad.

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Well never fear, teetotalers and hapless procrastinators! BreezyK is here to help you out with 10 foolproof gift ideas dad will be sure to love this Father’s Day season!

1. Spray-On Hair

Dad can kiss that pesky bald spot goodbye with this groundbreaking new product! BONUS: works for ladies too, so mom won’t be left out!!

2. Built-In Socks With Sandals

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As the boy scout motto attests: always be prepared! Your dad will be fashionable, chic and ready to mingle with this handy new product that will allow him to skip the integral step of socks first, then sandals. Just think of all the extra time he’ll have to mow the lawn and criticize your life choices driving skills!

3. The Potty Putter

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Your mom will love you for this one!

4. Richard Simmons “Disco Sweat” Workout DVD

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If there are two things all dads love, it’s disco, and Richard Simmons. With this low-impact cardio workout set to such famous disco hits as “I Will Survive” and “Disco Inferno”, dad can burn away the calories while having fun doing it! Can you say, Daughter Of The Year award??

5. Spanx For Men

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There are some trouble spots even Richard Simmons can’t fix. If your dad just can’t seem to shed those last 5 pounds (or just has a fierce affinity for pecan pie like mine does), help him out with this thoughtful and not-at-all offensive gift!

6. Piano Key Necktie

……………because it says “I want to be formal, but I’m also here to party”

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… plus, it skyrocketed Mugatu to superstardom, so…

7. DIY Ride-On Lawnmower

Now that my dad is getting a little older, he’s having a hard time keeping up with the yard work the way he used to. My siblings and I considered getting him a ride-on lawnmower for Father’s day, but were blown away by the astronomical price tags.

Solution? The DIY lawnmower!

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This handy (and inexpensive) little gadget has all the features of a store-bought lawnmower at just a fraction of the cost!! All you need is a bike (free if you steal one from a neighbourhood kid riding down the street) some string, a bit of silly putty and some cheap manual labour, and Voila! Perfect gift!

8. The Comfort Wipe

Your dad is awesome. Too awesome, in fact, to wipe his own ass. Show him you care about his extreme laziness personal hygiene with this groundbreaking new product that turns a visit to the john into a hands-free experience!

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9. This Awesome Visor

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Finally- your dad can relieve the days of his follicled youth, while at the same time channeling Sex God Guy Fieri:

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10. Recycled Artwork You Made As A Child

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Remind dad of the budding little Picasso you once were with a beautiful piece of art you fashioned as a child. Not only is this gift simple inexpensive, and high on the nostalgia factor, it also shows your penchant for the three R’s: Reduce, Reuse and really don’t give a fuck cycle. (Tip: Try not to use one with macaroni, because, let’s face it, that’s just gross.)

Alternative: If you can’t find an old piece of old artwork:

A free hug coupon

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…because you’re never too old :)

Happy Shopping!!

….. and happy Father’s Day to the best dad around! I love you!

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Question of the Day: What are you getting your dad for Father’s Day?

Like Father, Like Daughter

So as I mentioned in my last post, my dad came to visit me in Toronto this weekend.

Since his birthday is on Christmas and he perpetually gets the shaft gift-wise, my siblings and I decided to chip in this year and get him tickets to the Buffalo Bills game happening here.

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Now, given my dad lives in small town Nova Scotia and has only been to Toronto once 30 years ago, I kind of expected his visit to resemble one 48 hour-long episode of Breaking Amish.

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But I couldn’t have been more wrong. Dad soaked up Toronto like a sponge and wanted to experience everything it had to offer. He seriously wore me out. I’ve gotta start taking those iron pills.

The weekend got off to a rough start, however, when we experienced a slight luggage snafu at the airport. (I just love the word “snafu”. It makes even the most horrific problems sound like charming little anecdotes). I won’t get into too much detail because it’s kind of a long story, but know that in the end, we emerged victorious. And there might have been a little low-level B&E involved (By him, not by me of course: I have a professional reputation to uphold).

All’s well that ends well, right??

Anyway, with lady luck on our side, we prepared to tackle the rest of the weekend. (<— football pun).

Some highlights included:

  • Brunch Dates: (Sorry Karen.. had to cheat on you just this once)

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  • My very first visit to the CN Tower

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(And no, I did not step foot on that glass floor. Heights and I do naaaat get along.)

  • The Hockey Hall of Fame

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Ladies- a word to the wise. If you plan on accompanying a man here, bring reading material. And maybe a flask. (Unless you’re one of those progressive ladies who are really into sports. In which case, have fun… and ignore my anti-feminist propaganda. )

  • The Allan Gardens Conservatory:

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  • The St. Lawrence Antiques Market

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This was a win for both of us. I checked out vintage jewellery and books while he bartered over old coins. I even scored this sweet vintage 1968 Bulova. #treat

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  • He even got me to go to church. At least I got this cool instagram pic:

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And, of course, the Bills game:

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To say he loved it would be an understatement. We got kicked out of the stadium for lingering there so long afterwards. He loved the crowd and seeing all of the behind-the-scenes stuff you don’t see on TV.

I, on the other hand, amused myself by taking pictures:

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Reaffirming my love for cracker jacks, and of course, Psy’s halftime performance.

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Does this feel like a really long 15 minutes to anyone else?

I also feel like I got to know my dad a lot better this weekend. Like for one thing, he asks a LOT of questions. Here is just a small sampling of the many queries he had for me:

  • Are the Concession vendors inside Rogers Centre paid an hourly rate or by commission?
  • Who owns this building/when was it built/what is the occupancy/how many stories is it (Re: every single building we were in)
  • What does your landlord’s boyfriend do for a living?
  • Are the subway cars the same on both ends? What happens when it gets to the end of the line?

I guess I can’t really fault him; I, too, was notorious for my relentless questioning as  a child. I remember asking my older sister what other names my parents had considered for me, and she responded “Sun Yeoung”.

“What does that mean?” I asked.

“She who asks too many questions.”

What’s that about an apple and a tree?

He was truly obsessed with the subway though.

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He had never been on one before, and kept trying to convince me to take it to the end of the line just to see what would happened. Of everything we did this weekend, he told me the Bills game was his favourite, followed by riding the subway. I told him he was like a little kid who gets a gift and likes the box better than the present itself.

Dad also made like 800 new friends talking to every single person he encountered. Ticket scalpers, homeless people, construction workers, TTC employees, you name it. He knows all of them by name and their life stories. I hope he doesn’t get wind of the fact that we’re looking for a new mayor here in Toronto, or I may never have my apartment to myself again.

Question of the Day: Are you like your dad? Your mom?

P.S. I know you’ve been waiting for it. Here it is, folks: Track 3 from the mix-tape nobody cares about!