A Very Nova Scotia Thanksgiving

Happy Thanksgiving friends! Today, I am thankful for family, friends, health, happiness, and most of all the homemade apple crisp I’ve been caning like nobody’s business.

thanks2

yeaaah buddy.

Also wine.

thanks1

Always wine.

My friend Lia, who is from Vancouver, came home with me for the holidays, and I’ve had a blast showing her all that the thriving metropolis of Pictou County has to offer. I just hope she can handle the excitement. Watching all THREE Back To The Future Movies in one day is a lot for anyone to handle.

Anyway, since I’m still in a semi-food coma from yesterday’s feast, here are a few pictures of my Thanksgiving weekend in beautiful Nova Scotia:

IMG_4582

Greenhill Lookoff.. not a bad view

IMG_4532
IMG_4517 IMG_4530 IMG_4531

IMG_4499

IMG_4497

I don’t eat Oysters west of New Brunswick

family

I don't blame her. The pumpkin is inherently a lot more interesting.

I don’t blame her. The pumpkin is inherently a lot more interesting.

IMG_4587IMG_4534

IMG_4542

IMG_4601

Hold onto your loved ones tight today, and have an extra piece of pumpkin pie for me :)

Question of the Day:

(cliché alert)

What Are You Thankful for?

A Profound Experience Of Art… Or Something Like That

While I won’t delude you into thinking I am a particularly sophisticated woman, every once in a while I do get a whim- a flight of fancy if you will– to get off my couch and do something cultural for a change.

art1

He knows

One such temporary break in sanity occurred this past weekend, when I attended both Ai WeiWei’s According To What? exhibit at the Art Gallery of Ontario, and Nuit Blanche in downtown Toronto on the SAME DAY.

What can I say? I was bored just really love contemporary art.

The first stop on “BreezyK’s Excellent Bougie Adventure” was the AGO. If you haven’t heard of Ai WeiWei, he is a Chinese contemporary artist, famous for designing the “bird’s nest” stadium at the 2008 Beijing Olympics, as well as for his activism.

art8

An outspoken advocate for democracy and human rights in China, Ai has participated in several investigations of government corruption and alleged cover-ups- including the 2008 collapse of government schools resulting in the death of thousands of children following the Sichuan earthquake.  

As a result of his activism, Ai has been unable to leave China since 2012; his passport confiscated by government officials. His studio and home have also been under constant  surveillance, and his daily blog monitored and censored. 

Regardless of your stance on Ai’s political ideals, his work- which includes sculpture, installations, photography, film and architecture- is pretty incredible. I particularly enjoyed his sculptures, which were massive pieces of work requiring tons of manual labour and raw material to create. Like this piece, made from wooden stools fused together using an ancient technique with no nails or glue!

013

Or “Straight”- composed of 150 tons of steel rebar recovered from the sites of the collapsed schools in Sichuan- each meticulously straightened by hand.

027

It was a pretty cool, and but also extremely emotional experience. Here’s me cutting the tension and showing my instagram followers how artsy I am:

024

The exhibit is on until October 27 in Toronto, so check it out if you have the chance!

Stop 2 of the day was Nuit Blanche – the annual contemporary art festival in Toronto where museums and galleries open up their doors for free from dawn till dusk, and over 150 projects are exhibited around the city by more than 500 different artists and curators.

006

The pieces ranged from “Forever Bicycles” (pictured above) by my BFF Ai WeiWei, a sculpture of over 3,000 bicycles suspended in air, to smaller projects like Parallax, a light fixture of sorts composed of horizontally stacked tubes of different sizes.

020… Not gonna lie, it kind of reminded me of a Lite Brite. 

art6

The other pieces ran the gamut; from “Ferris Wheel” designed to evoke “joy and delight”:

017

To “Music Box”, a jack-in-the-box like collection of instruments that feed off each other and produce one random symphony:

015

…to whatever the hell this is:

025

Something about “childlike innocence”?

art4

As I walked the streets, watching others marvel at the pieces before them, I thought of a passage in a book I read recently called Leaving The Atocha Station by Ben Lerner. The book is about a young American poet named Adam Gordon on a prestigious fellowship in Madrid. One day, Adam witnesses a man openly weeping in front of a painting at an art gallery, and begins to worry that he himself has never been moved to such a level by art:

“Was he, I wondered, just facing the wall to hide his face as he dealt with whatever grief he’d brought into the museum? Or was he having “a profound experience of art”? I had long worried that I was incapable of having a profound experience of art and I had trouble believing that anyone had, at least anyone I knew. I was intensely suspicious of people who claimed a poem or painting or piece of music ‘changed their life’ especially since I had often known these people before and after their experience and could register no change. [...] The closest I’d come to having a profound experience of art was probably the experience of this distance, a profound experience of the absence of profundity.”

I could sort of relate. While I appreciated some of the pieces; others (like that scary giant insect) were just completely incomprehensible to me. I wondered if this was because these pieces didn’t  especially “speak” to me, or because I straight-up didn’t “get” it.

art3

In any event, I’ll have some time to think about it, as I’ve now fulfilled my entire culture quota for 2013 and can happily go back to rotting my brain with as much reality TV as humanly possible (which, let’s be honest, was really the goal of this entire exercise.)

Question of the Day: Have you had a “profound experience of art”? Do you believe in it?

I Ate New York

A few weekends ago I went to New York City. Ostensibly, to visit my friend Jane for her birthday…in reality, to eat as much delicious food as humanly possible.

ate6

Our weekend of gluttony began on Friday night with not one but TWO (count ‘em) dinners – the first at a Japanese restaurant in the East Village called Taishu-Izakaya Kenka.

ate10

Since the look of the menu nearly gave me an aneurysm:

024

I left Jane in charge of ordering. She summoned up a delectable feast for us including deep-fried calamari, delicious noodles, and of course, Japanese beer.

ate9

Dessert was do-it-yourself cotton candy from their COTTON CANDY MACHINE.

I love New York.

Although I was already pleasantly full, Jane insisted we check out a hot dog place down the street called Crif Dogs. I’ll admit I was slightly confused as to why we NEEDED gourmet hot dogs after ingesting a full delicious meal, but of course, I wasn’t about to say no (we are talking about food here, people). 

ate4

We walked into a bustling underground hot dog diner filled with hipsters drinking Pabst Blue Ribbon around tables made from upturned arcade games, and I was convinced I was having a true New York experience. 

ate11

Just as I began studying the menu and deciding what hot dog would be getting in mah belly, Jane beckoned my friend Alex and I into to an old timey phone booth at the side of the restaurant.

DSC01672

Confused, we followed her inside, where she picked up the receiver and dialed “1”.  After a couple of seconds, a trap door on the other side of the phone booth swung open to reveal a  SECRET SPEAKEASY! . 

ate12

I’ll admit I was pretty excited, but also kind of bummed because, well  I kinda wanted a hot dog.  “Don’t worry,” said Jane. “They serve hot dogs in here too”. A private speakeasy that served HOT DOGS? I must have died and gone to heaven. 

ate27

I ordered a specialty Kimchi dog:

ate14

And we shared an order of the world’s most delicious tater tots..which I totally hogged.

ate17

(Don’t worry, I saved some for later.)

ate16

We also sipped on just a few cocktails named after old-timey men involving different varietals of bourbon. 

029

When the taxidermied bear on the wall started talking to me, I knew it was time to go; so we stumbled into a cab and went home to crash.

The next morning, we awoke with one thing on our minds: more food. (I told you guys I was on a mission).

Knowing another full day of eating was in store for us, we tried to minimize our caloric impact with a run across the Brooklyn Bridge……which, let’s be honest, mostly involved posing for instagram-worthy photo ops:

035

Then, we headed to Smorgasburg, an open air food festival in Williamsburg.

ate23

You guys, I thought places like this only existed in my dreams. Each tent was filled with a delectable culinary masterpiece: malt ball milkshakes; gourmet mac and cheese;

ate19

truffle fries;

ate22

DONUTS

ate20

I didn’t take many pictures because, well my hands were kind of full stuffing my face incessantly… but I think this gif pretty much sums up the whole experience: 

ate5

The big draw of the day was the Ramen Burger, a gourmet burger with buns made out of ramen noodles. The line was over two hours long!!

ate24

I was feeling pretty seedy after already ingesting a year’s worth of cheese, so we decided to pass on that one. (I’m sure it will become popular in Toronto in like, 2016 anyway.)

Pre-food coma

Pre-food coma

From there we rolled back over the bridge to Manhattan where we did some lazy shopping before heading to our next feast at Fatty Crab in the West Village.

Behold: The Big-Ass Bowl Of Crab:

070

Unpictured: The most heavenly pork buns that I made QUICK work of.

I wish I could say it ended there, but there was also a bit of this:

ate29

A little of this:

107

And a lot of this:

068

I can no longer fit into any of my clothes, but you know what?

ate2

Question of the Day: What’s The Most Delicious Thing You Ate Lately?

Friday Five

So it’s only my fourth day of consecutive posting, and I’m already exhausted. Remind me again why I signed up for this??

friday12

Since writing a post about one coherent topic feels like A LOT right now, here instead are a bunch of random things I’ve been thinking about lately, all wrapped up under one alliterative title! Enjoy!

1. SNL

(and the amazingness that is BLERTA)

This past Saturday, SNL debuted for it’s 39th season; and because I’m kind of a loser die hard, I skipped out on a party to stay home and watch it. (Yes, I am aware I’m dying alone.)

Hosted by Tina Fey, it was the first episode in what has been dubbed a “rebuilding year” after the departure of Bill Hader, Fred Armisen, and mah boo Jason Sudeikis, and the addition of 6 new white guys cast members.

friday14

Although I expected the night to be a total disaster, there were actually a few standout moments – like this parody of HBO’s “Girls” introducing Blerta, the Albanian refugee who keeps all those whiny white b*tches in check with her truth-telling. (and should 100% be made into a full-time cast member.. just saying).

friday1

(Canadians can watch the full clip here)

Blerta is seriously my homegirl.

Side note: does anyone else remember those t-shirts?

friday2

I bought one circa 2004 pretty much solely to shock my Catholic parents, and when I wore it I thought I was the SH*T. I also had a t-shirt with Jimi Hendrix’s face on it, despite never actually having listened to Jimi Hendrix. All of this serves as further proof that I am, in fact, a fraud.

2. Fall Weather

I hate to be one of those girls who just can’t S.T.F.U. about fall, but guys, I honestly can’t help it. October is f*cking amazing. Thanksgiving, Halloween, my BIRTHDAY, pumpkins, not sweating Whitney Houston styles on the subway every morning.. I mean, life really doesn’t get much sweeter than that.

friday4

Plus, with this weather I am actually motivated to get out and run for a change. You see, since the Treadmill, Cold Weather and Too Hot Weather are BreezyK Public Enemies #1, 2 and 3, there is really only a short window of opportunity during which running doesn’t completely make me want to kill myself.

friday7

Since we’re currently in the sweet spot, the other day, I decided to go for a run on the Lakeshore path in Toronto and it was glorious. I of course had to instagram it to show all of my friends how superior I am for exercising:

031

And in doing so, nearly fell into Lake Ontario. Don’t ever let anyone tell you karma isn’t a b*tch, kids.

3. This

friday3

4. The Return of Primetime TV

With the notable exception of Big Brother, it was a long, dry summer for TV up in here. I was seriously beginning to worry I was going to have to find a hobby or something… Or worse, actually leave my apartment.

On a weeknight?!

friday5

Alas, I can continue my sloth-like ways, because all of my stories have returned to their rightful place inside my dream box. There’s

The New Girl,

friday11

The Mindy Project

friday9

Parks and Recreation, X FACTOR. I could go on. There are also a few new shows that I think might have potential- like Seth MacFarlane’s Dads starring Seth Green and Giovanni Ribisi, and Brooklyn Nine-Nine, starring Andy Samberg as a wise-cracking cop.

friday8

I can’t tell if it’s going to be good or garbage but I will support the co-creator of Laser Cats until the day I die.

friday13

5. Fresh New Tracks

Besides just being the season where outfits look the best on me and my skin glows most luminous, fall is also an amazing season for music. Some of my favourite artists are out with new stuff, like Arcade Fire, and Drake (even though he jacked my outfit) as well as some cool new bands I hadn’t heard before, and I’ve got a few sweet concerts lined up. Here’s a track I’ve had on heavy rotation lately to help carry you into the weekend…..and also make you vaguely crave a pumpkin spice latte.

No? Just me on the latte then?

Question of the Day:

(get ready- because it’s a really deep one)

What’s your favourite season?

You Had Me At “Showstopper”

I bought something from The Shopping Channel the other day. I’m not proud of it. 

shop1

Actually, f*&k that, I’m totally proud. It was a sweet-ass deal.

The incident occurred during a very frequent rare night in. I was sipping my Night Wine and flipping between “Guiliana and Bill” and “Dancing With The Stars” when something glittery and gold caught my eye.

Behold- the “So Status” watch and bracelet set –

shop6

The newest piece by R.J. Graziano- jewellery designer TO THE STARS (uhhhh like MEL B., people), this gold (plated) multi-piece set was on for the “Showstopping” price of only $69.99! That’s almost 50% off regular price! Obviously I needed this pre-packaged elegance in my life.

I’ll admit, I was a little nervous about buying a “luxury” item from a TV infomercial, but I told myself that if it was good enough for Scary Spice, then it was good enough for me.

shop3 I quickly logged online, created a profile and after agreeing to just 3 easy payments of $23.33 (interest free maaaahf*ckas!) my instant glamour was on its way. 

As I waited for my package to arrive, I started receiving daily e-mails from The Shopping Channel featuring the day’s “Showstopper” deal. The products piqued my interest, if only because they were so incredibly random.

There was a Wolfgang Puck cookware set:

photo (17)

Egyptian cotton sheets: 

photo (15)

One VERY special Joan Rivers Collection Houndstooth Signature Blazer

photo (16)

* Available in FOUR DIFFERENT SHADES OF HOUNDSTOOTH!

…. and if Old Lady Chic isnn’t your thing, what about these luxurious drapes? (With Beaded tiebacks!!!)

photo (14)

…. or how about this thermal back pain pack?

shop5

Oh, and don’t forget the fur-trimmed Mukluks!!

photo (18)

I started questioning  just what target demographic The Shopping Channel was trying to achieve here. A glamorous Octogenarian housewife with a penchant for entertaining, chronic back pain, and a love of comfortable/yet stylish footwear? Sounded about right. 

Anyway, despite their complete and total irrelevance to my life, I found myself actually considering buying each day’s Showstopper because it was such an “amazing deal”. Didn’t I need new sheets anyway? And I’d been meaning to get into cooking ……Who cares if I have no outfits that go with fur-trimmed Mukluks? At this price, I could afford to buy more!

shop7

Needless to say, my virtual shopping cart continues to pile up at an alarming rate, and I’m beginning to feel the weight of all of those compounded “easy” payments. Clearly there is some sort of void deep down inside me that I’m trying to fill with material things, but in my own delusional way, I completely blame The Shopping Channel and their genius marketing for all of this. I mean, guys.. these deals are for a LIMITED TIME ONLY!!! 

I know an easy solution would be simply to unsubscribe from the newsletter, but I can’t help but feel FOMO that I’m passing up on the next really sweet deal. At some point, I’m probably going to need a shop-tervention- but in the meantime, I’ll just be rocking my Houndstooth blazer, sleeping on Egyptian Cotton and feeling up my fancy-ass drapes in the corner. 

Question of the Day: Have you Ever

bought anything from TV?

How did it turn out? 

10 Inventions From Pop Culture I Wish Were Real

Few films have left such a lasting impact on my life as the 1999 cult classic Office Space.

officespace2

Not only are its characters hilarious and its lines highly quotable, its tongue-in-cheek (yet painfully accurate) depiction of corporate culture continues to haunt me in my day-to-day life.

officespace1

Anyway, while catastrophizing about my life the other day, I was reminded of one of my favourite anecdotes from the film-  the “Jump To Conclusions Mat”.

invention10

Conceived by the bumbling Tom Sizemore, the Jump to Conclusions mat was, quite simply, a mat that you put on the floor with different CONCLUSIONS that you could JUMP TO.

invention11

I wished I had a jump to conclusions mat myself. Things would be so much simpler (especially if I landed on “moot!” every time).

All of this got me thinking: what other inventions from popular culture would I love to see come to life?  

1. The Delorean Time Machine

Back To The Future

invention13

Where we’re going, we don’t need roads.

Man, what I wouldn’t give to go back in time. On second thought-  I don’t know if I could handle the responsibility. What if it was like that episode of the Simpsons where Homer time travels through a toaster and Ned Flanders becomes dictator of the universe? Or we all end up with giant lizard tongues? Actually, the lizard tongues would be kinda cool. One Delorean, please.

2. Transporter

Star Trek

inv5

Oh, the places I would go with a Transporter.

……Mostly to Sephora and the bulk candy store down the street… but still, Beam me up, Scotty!

3. Mind Control Device

Family Guy

inv4

The brainchild of diabolical toddler-genius Stewie Griffin, this ingenious device allows its holder to completely control the mind of anyone within aiming vicinity.

While Stewie used his  in an elaborate scheme to kill his mother, I’d use mine for much more benevolent purposes…. like convincing all of my coworkers to bring me cupcakes. Mmm. cupcakes.

4. Invisibility Cloak

Harry Potter

inv2

Because I’m inherently 7 years old, I often think about what I would do if I could be invisible for a day. Eavesdropping, sneaking onto international flights and stealing expensive items are all high on my list; but more importantly, I’d probably just pull a lot of people’s pants down.

5. The Transformation Chamber

Family Matters

invention6

Like Steve Urkel’s debonair doppleganger Stefan Urquelle,
invention8invention7

I like to think I have an alter ego inside me just waiting for a Transformation Chamber to come out as well. Her name is Breeyoncé, She is a 5’11 Spanish pop star/diplomat/fugitive who is wanted in several countries for her suggestive on-stage dancing. Recently divorced from Charlie Sheen, she bides her time as Karl Lagerfeld’s muse and has a taste for expensive champagne and wealthy Italian race car drivers. She also rarely sweats, has long, thick, luxurious hair, and never feels awkward at cocktail parties.

6. The Lazy Man Toilet Chair

The Simpsons

invention14

This spectacular device was created by Homer as a way of going to the bathroom while watching TV; because, as he rightly proclaimed, going upstairs is  “the hardest thing in the world.”  I feel you, Homer- and applaud your ingenuity- even if it is really gross.

7. The Hair Helmet

Flight of the Conchords

invention4

While this invention might not be as useful as, say, a teleporter or time-travelling DeLorean,  I still think I’d look pretty bad-ass riding around Toronto in one of these puppies.

Especially if worn in conjunction with Brett’s other inventions: the “camera phone”

invention5

……….and gloves that look like hands.

inv6

8. Everything by Kramerica Industries

Ah Cosmo Kramer. One of the most inventive, yet misunderstood minds of our generation. How could I choose just one invention when we’ve got:

  • The Coffee Table Book about Coffee Tables

invention15

  • the Mansiere (or “the bro”)

invention17

  • the pizza restaurant where you make your own pie

invention19

  • cologne that smells like the beach; and last but definitely not least:
  • Fusilli Jerry
Seinfeld Bus

“I chose Fusilli… because you’re silly”

9. Neutralyzer

Men In Black 

inv3

When you say and do as many awkward things as I do, having a device to easily eradicate others’ memories of your ridiculousness sounds pretttty pretty good. Especially if it comes with a side of Will Smith.

10. The Cornballer

Arrested Development 

invention3

Invented by George Bluth in the mid-1970s,  the Cornballer is.. well, a device used to make cornballs.

invention1

It was made illegal after it was found to cause serious burns, however George continued to market it in Mexico with the help of Richard Simmons.

3rd degree burns or no 3rd degree burns, cornballs are damn delicious. I could use one of these bad boys in my life.

Question of the Day:

What fictional invention(s) do you wish were real?

B*tch Stole My Look

So I know this blog has been limping along like Lohan’s career, but I am finally here to break my prolonged silence with  a very important announcement:

You guys…..

DRAKE JACKED MY OUTFIT

050

That’s right. DrizzyDrake pilfered my swag.

Let me explain.

I took this selfie of my amazing (and expertly styled) Wu-Tang Clan t-shirt on my way to a fashion show/design competition here in Toronto called The Art of Fashion.

031

….Because I do cool things like go to fashion shows all the time. See, look, here’s me at Paris fashion week with Kim and Kanye (and Ciara? WTF?).

kimye2

Just kidding. I’ve never actually been to a fashion show. (Sorry, Lily Collins for superimposing my head over your spectacular eyebrows). But my friend’s sister was organizing this one, and there was an open bar, so… you know…..

Anyhoo, shortly after posting the aforementioned selfie, I noticed that Drake instagrammed a pic of himself wearing suspiciously similar threads.

039

ummmm can you say BITCH STOLE MY LOOK??

Not cool, Drizzy, Not cool.  I’ve decided the only possible explanation for this is that Drake is in love with/obsessed with me and has been monitoring my Instagram feed (@breezyk1 holllaaaa) for all of the latest trends.

Who knew Wheelchair Jimmy was such a biter?

JUST KIDDING DRAKE I LOVE YOU AND YOUR NEW ALBUM!!! NWTS4LIFE!

drakealbum

Sorry for all the caps lock. I’ve clearly been spending too much time on Kanye West’s twitter feed.

Anyway, since all of you need more gems like this one in your life (and I clearly need more practice writing coherent sentences), I’ve decided to do a blog post a day for the entire month of October!*

loco5

*Monday to Friday. Ain’t nobody got time for that on weekends.

Don’t expect much. 95% of my posts are probably going to be about pumpkin spice lattes.

latte

There’s a reason they call them clichés.

Question of the Day:

Has a b*tch ever stolen your look? What did you do about it?

Also: How often do you post on your blog? What do you think is the optimal amount?

The Fantasy Boyfriend Draft

It’s that time of year again, folks- when body paint, beer and tailgate parties abound, and the men in your life fall into a state of temporary insanity for the next few months.

bf43

That’s right it’s football season!

bf35

How do I, a girl whose only knowledge of football stems from the movie The Water Boy, even know this, you might ask?

bf47

Because for the past two weeks, I have listened to nothing but my male coworkers and friends discuss their fantasy football leagues.

????????????????????????????????????????

While at first I sat there bored to tears, praying for imminent death, after a while the idea of a fantasy draft started to sound kind of appealing to me. Not the football part of course – more the plotting, scheming, strategizing and overall shit-talking involved. I thought, wouldn’t it be cool if there was a fantasy draft focused on something I actually cared about?

…. like boys.

You guys… what if there was A FANTASY BOYFRIEND LEAGUE??

A dream-like place where a roster of all of your ideal boyfriends would compete against teams of other ladies’ choosing in all of the manliest of activities? I’ m talking wood chopping, moustache growing, outdoor survival skills, shirtless acoustic guitar playing, and of course- the manliest of all artisinal crafts: furniture making.

Or maybe they would just fan you with palm fronds and feed you bunches of grapes all day. I haven’t quite figured it all out just yet.

But what I HAVE figured out, is who would make up my team. Hold onto your hats ladies, because the draft is about to begin!

Round 1: Ryan Gosling

bf9

You knew it was coming. Like 99.999% of the other women on the planet, I’ve loved this piece of sexy Canadian man-candy since he first stole my heart as Sean on Breaker High.

bf11

That pleather jacket! My heart be still.

Round 2: Bradley Cooper

bf40

In the event that the reigning Sexiest Man Alive happened to still be available, you better believe he’d be coming home with me as a second round draft pick. Not only has homeboy got the whole rugged, charmingly befuddled thing going on, he also loves his mama.

bf48

Awww.

Round 3: Seth Meyers

bf20

The lovable SNL head writer and Weekend Update host always had a special place in my heart- despite the fact that he is already engaged to a (different) sexy lawyer. Well, Seth- I just have one thing to say about that:

Really? Really?

bf46

Round 4: Joseph Gordon Levitt

bf5

Hey JGL, what’s that vest made of? Oh yeah… BOYFRIEND MATERIAL.

Ever since I saw him rocking out to The Smiths in 500 Days of Summer, I knew the indie heart-throb had to be mine. In fact, I’d take him even with this haircut:

bf8

That’s love.

Round 5: Rafael Nadal

bf24

Since every fantasy boyfriend team needs at least one professional athlete (<– I just made that rule up right now), I have chosen the 12-time Grand Slam winning tennis star and sexy Spaniard that is Rafa. Admittedly- his English is a bit touch and go – but something tells me I could learn look past that.

…..with these biceps. (Please ignore the fact that he looks a bit like Michelangelo in this pic)

bf23

Round 6: Jason Sudeikis

bf56

Damn you and your perfect cheekbones, Olivia Wilde! Why must you take my perfect man away from me!

Round 7: Colin Firth

bf42

This one needs no explaining. If my boy Mark Darcy isn’t the penultimate boyfriend, then I really don’t know who is.

Yes, I like you very much, Colin – just as you are.

Round 8: Chris O’Dowd

bf26

This one falls into my “up and comer” category. I first developed a crush on this Irish hottie when he portrayed Kristin Wiig’s love interest in Bridesmaids. This crush later blossomed into a full-on stalker flower while watching him HBO’s Family Tree. He’s cute, tall, funny, loveable- and I kinda wanna pinch his cheeks.

It’s not weird.

Round 9: Joel McHale

bf2

Joel for me falls into the “underrated” category. He cracks me up every day on The Soup and is hella handsome, but for some reason hasn’t reached leading man status just yet. Don’t worry Joel.. you’re a leading man in my heart.

Round 10: Thomas Mars

bf19

This might seem like a strange pick, given that he is not all that conventionally good-looking, but I’ve been seriously crushing on the Phoenix lead singer since I saw him crowd surf at Lollapalooza.

bf17

Plus, he’s married to Sofia Coppola which officially makes him 1/2 of the coolest couple of all time. Sigh.

bf15

P.S. Did I just use the expression “seriously crushing”?

bf45

Round 11: Jay Baruchel

kinopoisk.ru

I’ve loved the Canadian funny man since I used to watch him on “Popular Mechanics For Kids” alongside Elisha Cuthbert.

Popular Mechanics for Kids l-r Alisha, Jay

Yes, this really happened.

Since he only lives a few hours away in Montreal, I actually kind of like my chances on this one. It’s all about pipe dreams, kids.

Round 12: Prince Harry

bf13

I was about to cut it off at 11, but then I remembered that every fantasy boyfriend team needs a royal! Enter Prince Hot Ginge (or “PHG”). While the reality of ginger babies would be a risk I would have to take, I’m confident PHG’s playfullness, charm and winning smile would outweigh the potential downsides. Plus, I just love attention. Bring on the paparazzi!!

Question of the Day: Who would be on your fantasy boyfriend (or girlfriend) team?

5 Tips For Surviving A Summer Music Festival

It’s been about a month since you last heard from me, and in that time a lot has happened. Mostly sitting on my ass watching TV (damn you Big Brother and City Girl Diaries!); but shockingly, also a few things that involved leaving my apartment.

Like attending Lollapalooza – the annual three-day music festival in downtown Chicago, Illinois.

lolla2

As a 27-year-old music festival virgin, I will admit that I didn’t really know what to expect. Would I have fun? Was I too old for all of this? What if I fell for the Jimmy Kimmel trap and became a viral sensation? 

Luckily, I ended up having the time of my life. However, there are a few things I wish I had known before boarding that flight filled with excited 21-year-olds debating the merits of the male tank top. And to spare you all the same fate, I’ve decided to share them with you today.

1. But What Will I Wear!

I’ll just go ahead and save you the trouble of Googling “festival chic” and trolling Urban Outfitters for hours on end, because this, apparently, is the only thing you’re allowed to wear to a music festival:

lolla7

If you’re a girl that is. If you’re a guy, it’s something a little more like this:

lolla6

Dont say I didn’t warn you.

2. When Nature Calls…

I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but unfortunately, unless you a) bring a catheter or b) are a freak of nature with super-human bladder control, you’re gonna find yourself up close and personal with these bad boys.

lolla8That’s right. The dreaded port-a-potty. If you’re a guy, you’ve got it easy. Just plug your nose and try your best to aim in the general direction. If you’re a girl -God help you.

lolla13

But never fear! It IS possible crawl through the river of shit and come out (relatively) clean on the other side. Here is how you do it:

  • Front-load your bathroom trips early on in the day (these puppies grow exponentially grosser with each passing hour)
  • Choose a line with mostly guys in it (women move at a glacial pace)
  • Once inside, grip the door handle and hold on for dear life (try not to think millions of germs)
  • Squat
  • Pee
  • Try not to get it on your own shorts  (easier said than done.. this is a serious leg workout, ladies)
  • Finish your business
  • Immediately head to the nearest hand sanitizing station (You should probably cover your entire forearms, just to be safe.)
  • Repress
  • Repeat

3. Hydration, Hydration, Hydration

Pace yourselves, kids, because it’s going to be a long weekend. You don’t want to be the FunDrunkFriend passing out at 4:00pm.. or worse, throwing up in the corner while the evening headliner croons on.

Keep it sensible. Alternate every Bud Light Lime-Rita:

193

With a box of water.

187

Yes, apparently this is a thing.

Don’t forget to eat.

lolla11

Deep dish pizza if you’re in Chicago, obvi.

… and whatever you do, remember that wine in a sports bottle is a sneaky bitch:

331

seemed like such a good idea at the time…

4. Personal Space? Who Needs It!

If you dislike crowds, noise, and drunk people all up in your grill, then you miiiight want to hang out near the back and watch the shows projected from the jumbotron.

That being said- to the victor come the good seats. Here’s what you do:

1. Make yourself as big as possible. I’m talking starfish, people.

283

Clearing space for Kendrick Lamar.. it’s a jungle out there folks.

2. Try your best to ignore the verbal abuse being hurled at you from concertgoers in every direction.

3. Find your happy place

lolla12

(this may or may not involve a sports bottle filled with wine).

Enjoy!

5. Don’t Hate, Appreciate 

I get it. Its hot. Its crowded. You kinda want to kill that dude with the 100 foot pole coming out of his backpack. But remember, you’re the one who paid $300 for these tickets. You bought all those t-shirts at the merch stand. So let’s try to be cool, ok?

lolla10

One way to prevent yourself from getting too burned out is to spend some time away from the festival grounds. Because I am a (relatively) old lady, I chose to be selective with my concert schedule and spend the first half of each day exploring the beautiful city of Chicago.

231

325

I even managed to get in a bit of instagramming  exercise.

317

286

… And if all else fails, you can always take the edge off with a friendly push-up competition

270

Yes, these are my grown-up friends.

………And don’t forget to pose for copious amounts of photos and convince your friends at home what a great time you’re having!! 389

271

345

255

355

Remember kids- if you didn’t Instagram it, it didn’t happen!

Question of the Day: Have you ever been to a music festival? Any interest?

Workouts, Wild Turkeys and Way Too Much Time On My Hands

Greetings from Canada’s Ocean Playground!

336

I’ve been in Nova Scotia for about a week now, visiting with family and friends, lazing on the beach, and basically living the life of a bored housewife with way too much time on her hands.

bored

It’s all really great and relaxing-  except for the WILD TURKEY who has taken up residence in our backyard and insists on waking me up at 6 a.m. every morning. Seriously guys, this thing is hard as f*ck. It’s about 2 feet tall, feral looking, and has a “call” so loud and frightening it has started featuring prominently in my nightmares.

turkey

It also hasn’t been relaxing in the sense that my family are exercise fanatics and insist on constantly shaming me into working out. Hot yoga, running at the local track, “power walks”, gym sessions… I’m beginning to think they’re trying to tell me something.

510

If I'm getting my ass to the gym on vacation, you better believe I'm taking a selfie of it.

If I’m getting my ass to the gym on vacation, you better believe I’m taking a selfie of it.

My mom, just killin it.

Look at that smug look on her face.

Skinny b*tches.

Anyway, gotta make this a short one because I must return to my busy schedule of watching The Doctors, making unnecessary trips to the grocery store and coordinating hairstyles with my 8-year-old niece:

429

so for now I will leave you with this adorable photo of my niece Maeve, who, at 14 months old, is already demonstrating more maternal instinct in her little finger than I will ever hope to possess.

My niece Maeve and her baby/twin

Happy Friday y’all!

Question of the Day: How do you exorcise an evil turkey nemesis?

… and don’t say garlic, crucifixes or kryptonite cause I’ve already tried that sh*t and the damn thing ain’t budging.