6 Things Everyone Should Know About Las Vegas

So good news everybody: I survived my whirlwind long weekend in Las Vegas!

The bad news? I am once again freezing my tuckus off in a subarctic Canadian climate. Also, the Easter bunny seems to have forgotten about me completely. I wonder if this has anything to do with the epic diss I gave him in my last post?

I still blame him for being so creepy.

So I must admit, I wasn’t sure how I would feel about Vegas at first. As my friend Jane so eloquently put it, “I didn’t think Vegas was leftist enough for you“.

I take her point,

But I still really enjoyed it. As Steve Wynn, owner of half the Las Vegas strip (and that creepy voice inside all the cabs) once famously said:  ”Las Vegas is sort of like how God would do it if he had money.”

I have a feeling God might have made a few changes- but if his son`s tweets are any indication, a Las Vegas run by the holy family would still be a pretty fun place to be:

Since I promised my fellow bachelorette-goers I wouldn’t get into too much of the nitty-gritty of our trip, I’m tailoring my Vegas recap to a few things I learned about the city in general. So here goes:

1. There’s Something For Everyone 

Based on my limited knowledge of Vegas, I expected the crowd to be mainly party-goers, eloping couples and Kim Kardashian.

Au contraire bonjour! Apparently everyone goes to Vegas! Families, couples, grandparents, these guys:

Is that a flamingo on your shirt? Or are you just happy to see me?

At first I was confused by all the little kids running around,

………..And then I saw this roller coaster:

It’s also way less glamorous than I expected. I thought people would be dressed to the nines everywhere I went- but let’s just say….. they weren’t. (Hey, I’m practicing cutting people some slack here!)

2. You Can Literally Do Whatever You Want. Except Bring Gum Inside Wet Republic.

My first thought about Las Vegas was that there were no rules whatsoever. Everywhere I looked people were walking around with alcoholic drinks, wearing bikinis, smoking INSIDE.

I even saw one guy drinking his walktail (<– see what I did there) out of a full-sized plastic guitar. It was awesome.

My perception shifted, however, after my first visit  to MGM’s famously raucous party pool Wet Republic.

With security so thick it rivaled Bieber’s entourage, guards double-checked your ID and vigorously inspected the contents of your purse at the entrance- removing any prohibited or nefarious looking items. Advil? No bueno. Bottled water? Fuhhhgettabout it.  I even had my pack of Dentyne Ice confiscated. I still don’t know why. Maybe they thought I was some sort of gum weilding assassin?? Or maybe they just didn’t want me to get it stuck in my own hair. That makes sense.

3. It’s In The Desert, Yo!!

I know what you`re thinking, and yes, I have seen a map before. But it was in that movie National Treasure and I couldn’t make it out very well.

Anyway, I kinda had an inkling that Vegas was in the middle of the desert, but I guess I didn’t fully appreciate this until my skin started shrivelling up like a California Raisin.

My hair quickly followed suit, leaving me resembling one of those sad “before” girls from hair commercials.

Ladies: 3 words: Hydrate, hydrate, hydrate.

4. If You Move There, You Will Gain 300lbs.

Ummm.. HOLY PORTION SIZES BATMAN. The American “bigger is better” philosophy was really drilled home to me during my several trips to McDonalds and In-and-Out Burger. Did you know a standard McNugget meal in the U.S.is 10 McNuggets, while in Canada, it`s only 6??

And as if that weren’t enough, my hotel also had the world-famous Jean Phillippe Bakery right downstairs. Nutella brioche??almond croissants? CHOCOLATE FOUNTAIN? Heart… Beating… Faster.

You guys, it was a bad scene for BreezyK. Think Homer Simpson in the land of chocolate,

But worse. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

5. There is always a “List”-  And you need to be on it.

For girls, this basically means just leaving your hotel room. For guys, it means putting on your best Burberry knockoff and spending hours in line haggling with some glorified bouncer to let you and your buddies spend a grand  on a bottle of Grey Goose. Which you will then ultimately give to a group of cute 20-somethings, who will drink every last drop before running off to find the next table of suckers. The b*tches probably won’t even say goodbye.

And they say life isn’t fair  ;)

6. There`s a Good Chance It Was All Just A Mirage

I mean, it was in the middle of the desert. And the whole thing did sort of feel like a dream. The only evidence I have of even being there are a few instagram pics and a quick-fading tan. But that doesn’t prove anything. I could have just been abducted by aliens with a penchant for vitamin D and social media.

………If I ever made any sense, I have clearly ceased to do so.

Lets get to the winner of my East-Vegas giveaway! Congratulations (drumroll pleaaaaase):

Whinybaby! 

E-mail me at thecamellife@gmail.com with your address!

Question of the Day: Have you Ever been to Vegas?

Viva Las Vegas (Giveaway!!)

In true lapsed Catholic fashion, this year I’ve decided to spend Easter weekend in the un-holiest place on earth: Vegas Baby!!

That’s right folks- by the time you read this, I will be on my way to Sin City with 17 other bad b*tches to celebrate the bachelorette parties of two of our closest friends. Yep- a DOUBLE bachelorette. God help our livers us all.

I was initially worried that my very devout mother would be horrified at the idea of my spending Good Friday popping bottles with Diddy at Wet Republic,

But apparently she’s way too busy worrying about Pope Francis to even notice. (“I mean, I know he preaches the simple life and all.. but if he doesn’t start using more security soon he’s not gonna be preaching anything at all” )

So I think I’m all set! I’ve got my flip flops, sunglasses, magazines, a crap- ton of candy, and this divine piece of literature for the plane:

The lady at Chapters assured me that it was “amazing” and “a total page turner”, but with lines like “the next time I drive a Ferrari, I’ll be sure to wear a longer skirt” – I have my doubts.

Anyway, I’ve never been to Vegas, but if it’s anything like I’ve seen in the movies, then I expect to do at least one, if not more of the following things while I’m there:

1. Play a specialized role in an organized casino heist with a motley crew of 11 12 13 sidekicks

2. Lose one of the bachelorettes, kidnap Mike Tyson’s tiger and pull my own tooth out

3. Develop an elaborate card counting scheme under the direction of my mentor, Nicholas Cage

4. Marry Ashton Kutcher and split a $3 million jackpot

5. Launder millions of superdollars in a counterfeit scam involving the Triads

6. Thwart Project Vulcan after nearly being assisinated by FemmeBots

7. Form an unlikely relationship with a hardened prostitute and suddenly develop a new lease on life

8. Lose all of my money gambling and have to share a $1.49 buffet with my cousin Eddie

9. Enter a beauty pageant in order to save the original Captain Kirk

10. Get hopped up on acid and drive around in an old Eldorado

Yes my friends, in Vegas, anything is possible!!

I hope you all have a fantastic weekend, and that the Easter bunny finds you. (For your sake, I hope it’s not the same one whose lap I sat on in grade 1.)

*Not me

And if you want to make your Easter REALLY special, you can enter my Festive East-Vegas Giveaway! Just match each of the Vegas activities listed above with the correct movie below, and you could win a free CAMEL LIFE TSHIRT!!

Unfortunately, it’s a ladies size small, so if it doesn’t fit then I guess you’ll just have to frame it and hang it on your wall along with the rest of your BreezyK memorabilia. The winner will also receive a personalized Easter card from me and a Las Vegas themed trinket for your garbage home!

If more than one person guesses the order correctly, I will take bribes draw names.

Here is the list of movies to be matched with the correct # above. Good luck!

A. National Lampoon’s Vegas vacation

B. Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery

C. Rush Hour 2

D. What Happens in Vegas

E. The Hangover

F. Miss Congeniality 2: Armed and Fabulous

G. 21

H. Oceans 11/12/13

I. Leaving Las Vegas

J. Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas

Contest closes on Sunday, March 31 at high noon!

Question of the Day: What are your plans for Easter weekend?

The Demise Of The Penny: A Catalyst For Change?

February 4, 2013 was a day that changed the lives of Canadians forever. No, Tim Horton’s didn’t stop serving coffee (thank God). We didn’t change our national sport to curling. Ryan Gosling didn’t (officially) become President Of The Universe.

No. It was much more drastic than that. On February 4, 2013, the Royal Canadian Mint stopped producing pennies.

Yes, like old age security, military spending and that CBC show Little Mosque on the Prairie, the penny became yet another piece of collateral damage in Canada’s tightening fiscal policy.

Although I knew this day was coming (the announcement that the penny would be phased out came in mid- 2012), I couldn’t help but feel a bit sentimental. It seemed like the end of an era. Pennies had been a fixture in my life since childhood: I dove for them in swimming pools, landed them on the ledge of the PEI ferry, rolled them in 50’s to buy the latest toys.

What was going to happen now? Would a new denomination be arbitrarily deemed “lucky”? Or would luck just be much harder to come by? And what about thoughts? Would they be incrementally more expensive?

I should have been more prepared for this, given that it was not, as it happened, my first rodeo. Back in 1996, the Canadian Government pulled another fast one on me by replacing my beloved, rose-coloured $2 bills with a two-toned, Polar bear embossed coin embarrassingly dubbed the “toonie”
As a semi-OCD 9-year-old, this change made me uneasy. I refused to accept this new imitation currency; and instead chose to hoard $2 bills in my piggy bank like some sort of depression-era housewife.

This obsession continued for about 2 years, until one day in grade 5, I caved and spent my last bill on a bottle of a questionable-looking carbonated beverage called Orbitz:

I still ask myself whether it was worth it.

Anyway, this whole penny situation reeked of Tooniegate 2.0. Plus there were all these extra complicating factors. Like what would happen if things didn’t add up to 5 or 10? Would the cash register just explode?

The Royal Canadian Mint released this helpful diagram to clarify:

but whenever I looked at it, I still felt as though I were being cheated.

It’s been about 6 weeks since the penny disappeared, and shockingly, not much has changed.

I expected my life to be significantly different: to be perpetually in a state of pricing vexation; or to feel the absence of copper in my hand like some sort of phantom limb. But to be honest with you, I kind of… well… forgot about it.

I think part of this is because I rarely pay for anything in cash. (Yes, I’m that annoying girl who whips out her debit card to pay for a $2 coffee.)

Luckily for me, my chronic inability to visit an ATM doesn’t impact my life all that much given that the world is becoming increasingly electronic.

This was reaffirmed for me by this week’s episode of 60 Minutes, which featured an interview with twitter founder Jack Dorsey. (I know. Reading books and watching 60 minutes. Who is this kid??) Dorsey recently developed a new product called Square, which is a small device that attaches to smart phones and allows vendors to accept debit and credit card payments.

Dorsey claims his product is the way of the future because people don’t really like handling money: there’s an inherent guilt and dirtiness about it, and it’s nice when it just disappears. It makes you feel like you’re being taken care of.

I get what he’s saying- I feel this way about buying books on Amazon. The website has all of my personal and credit card information saved; so all I have to do is click “order”. It eliminates (most of) the guilt associated with online shopping and makes for a much more pleasurable experience.

At the same time, I think removing all physical indicators of spending can also be dangerous. Not having that mental reminder can make keeping track of your spending much more difficult, and there are definited security concerns involved. Plus, just to say it: maybe we don’t really need more “guilt free” methods of spending given that consumer debt levels are at an all-time high.

I also don’t know if I totally agree that people don’t like holding money…or at least that’s the impression I get from music videos.

Maybe it’s the smell. Maybe it makes us feel more secure. Maybe it’s just the inherent Scrooge McDuck in all of us.

I really can’t say. Just like I can’t say what will happen to the fate of cash-money. It’s federal budget day here in Canada, and for all we know, the nickel could be next on Jim Flaherty’s chopping block. Maybe the penny will become a catalyst for change- or maybe it will just be some other weird Canadian convention, like the CFL, or half hour timezones. In any event, I don’t plan on hoarding my bills just yet.

Question of the Day: Do you always carry cash?

…. or are you chronically cashless like me?

Road Tested: TopBox.Ca

So today, I’m going to talk about beauty products.

Guys, I’ll give you all a minute to peter out slowly.

All gone now? Ok, good. Now I can feel free to post this highly unflattering/terrifying picture of myself:

Yah, I went there.

Let me back up a minute. About a month ago, I signed up for this service called TopBox (I know- the name is a bit unfortunate. Especially if you’re a 15-year-old boy like I am) where for $12 a month, you get sent four beauty products to try out from a list of great brands.

Pretty sweet, right? TopBox is only available in Canada, but there’s a similar service in the States called Birchbox, so no need to feel left out my American friends!

About two weeks before my first box was scheduled to arrive, I got an e-mail asking if I’d like to choose from one of the March “specialty” boxes. One was a collection of Aveda samples, another some Jurlique products, and something called “Lippy Girl” which I think was lipgloss. Anyone in my family will tell you that I’m lippy enough already, so I decided just to go with the standard four product mix.

I got home from work on Friday to this lovely little gem in my mailbox:

I thought it might be fun to test out the products and do a little review of my experience- so here goes.

L’Oreal Mythic Oil

I was really excited about this one- mostly because I thought it was some sort of actual magic potion.

My initial excitement waned a little when I found out it was just a hair product, but I was still willing to give it a try.

According to the website, this product “leaves even the finest hair looking shiny, feeling nourished and supple.” I did as the instructions said and put a few drops in post-shower/pre-blowdrying.

Before:

After*:

*I may have edited the after pic slightly. Slightly.

As you can see, it really did leave my hair feeling softer and shinier. It also smells wonderful. I wish you all could scratch and sniff the screen right now. Not sure if it’s as great as Moroccan Oil, but I’d definitely try it again.

MaskerAide Hydrating Facial Mask

Given that this product is described as “Pre-Party Prep”, it’s only fitting that I used it on a night when I was doing absolutely nothing at all. Gotta look good for my books, peeps!

When I took this mask out of the package it had the weirdest consistency- gelatinous and a little slimy. It reminded me of something you’d eat at Chinese Dim Sum. I did my best to just ignore that and put it on anyway.

Looking in the mirror with this thing on was a truly horrifying experience- like Friday the 13th meets The Skin I Live In.

I did, however, enjoy texting the pic of me above to all of my friends and freaking them out.

The instructions said to leave the mask on for 10-20 minutes and relax, so I did just that. I lit a candle, put on some Youth Lagoon, and read a magazine. I was so relaxed, in fact, that I completely forgot I had that sh*t on. It must have been like, 40 minutes before I realized. Panicked, I ran to the bathroom, expecting to find my face completely disfigured a la Freddy Krueger, but luckily, all was in tact. I was a little red the next day, but I’m not sure it was because of that or just because I have sensitive skin. Either way, i don’t think this made much of a difference, but it was still kind of fun to try.

Aveda Caribbean Therapy Moisturizer

I’m usually a big fan of Aveda products. I get my hair done at an Aveda salon and love their shampoos and the fancy Aveda brand tea they give you in the waiting area.

That being said, I thought this moisturizer was kind of whack.

The texture was thick and clay-like and the colour was very unappetizing. (Go ahead, say it: TWSS). It also didn’t spread very well and left me feeling like I had covered myself in baking grease.

Despite my subsequent deliciousness, I would still classify this as a non-buy.

Marc Jacobs Fragrances

This cute little case contained samples of Daisy, Daisy Eau so Fresh and Lola by Marc Jacobs. Of course, being the genius I am, I broke the Lola one because I thought the top twisted off when clearly it was a spray cap:

So I never got to try it. But the two daisy ones were nice and fresh. Not sure if either will be my new signature scent though. Choosing a fragrance is a big deal: just ask Snooki:

Overall, I was a little disappointed with this month’s selections. I was really looking forward to there being some makeup products and I was kind of bummed it was all hair/skin stuff. That said, it was still really exciting to get this package in the mail. It reminded me of when I was a kid and used to buy those $1 Grab Bags at the corner store. You kind of knew everything in it was going to be crap, but there was still the thrill of the unknown. I also had a lot of fun reviewing everything (this is literally how I spent my Saturday night), so if you guys are game, maybe I will do another post for next month’s products?

Question of the Day: Have you tried out any new products lately that you love? Any bad ones?

…. or are you low maintenance and think I am incredibly vapid and vain. Because that is also a fair assessment.

Book Review: Ham On Rye By Charles Bukowski

Charles Bukowski was one angry man.

….Or should I say, Henry Chinaski, Bukowkski’s thinly veiled aler-ego in the novel Ham on Rye.

In this semi-autobiographical take on Bukowksi’s own life, Ham on Rye follows Chinaski through his childhood and adolescence, first in Germany, and then in depression-era Los Angeles.

To say life wasn’t easy for the young Chinaski would be an understatement. Poverty, bullying, and frequent beatings from his father were just a few of the problems he faced on a daily basis. Not to mention the horrible,  disfiguring acne he acquired as a teenager, forcing him to suffer through painful treatments and social ostracization.

As a result of this, Chinaski grew up an angry outsider. He had few friends at school, and spent most of his time reading D.H. Lawrence books in the Los Angeles public library. He also sought solace in writing, but his stories were often dismissed by others as being “too angry”.

I would call Chinaski a misanthrope, were it not for his abiding love – nay, obsession- with the female form. (let’s just say l had no idea how gross teenage males could be).  Oh, and of course, alcohol. He notably remarks, after experiencing intoxication for the first time: “this is going to help me for a long, long time”.

Unfortunately, the honeymoon is short-lived, and his relationship with alcohol leads to progressively seedier and more violent behavior.

There’s not really much of a “plot” in Ham on Rye: it tells the story of the first 20 years of Chinaski’s life; and then it ends. And that was OK with me.

I read this book in one Sunday afternoon. I had planned on seeing Gangster Squad, but had 45 minutes to kill before the movie started. So I popped into the bookstore next to the theatre. I’d been wanting to read Bukowski since I read this letter he wrote, so I picked up this book and settled into a comfy chair to check it out.

Four hours and 230 pages later, I completely missed my movie, but found a great book. (Yes, a book beat out Ryan Gosling. What is happening to me.)

I ended up buying a copy out of guilt (Well played, Chapters Indigo…Well played), and proceeded to walk out of the store like a zombie. The last time I read an entire book in one day was probably in Middle School, when I was obsessed with the Emily of New Moon series.

I used to lock myself in my room for days, devouring books like some sort of crazed meth addict. I’d forgotten what an overwhelming and mentally exhausting feeling this can be. Thoughts and emotions whirred around my brain like crazy; letters floated in front of my eyelids every time I blinked.

I think this book hit me particularly hard because it was so emotionally raw. At times I thought about putting it down, but couldn’t. It was sort of like pressing a canker sore; as uncomfortable as it was, I also kind of liked it. Having read a lot of fluff before this, it felt good to read a book with real pain and tangible feelings involved- one that wasn’t obviously angling to become a Hollywood film.

I think one of the biggest things I took away from this book was just how good my generation has it. Growing up, my parents would say things like, “you kids don’t know how lucky you are!”. And proceed to regale us with harrowing tales from their youth; like “I used to walk four miles to school, in 35 foot high snow!”  or “I had to scrub the floors for three hours every day.. with a toothbrush!”

It was easy to tune them out and hear the voice of the Charlie Brown teacher when it was my parents:

not so much when the words were right there on the page in front of me. It made me feel guilty and ashamed for complaining about all of my first-world problems, when poor Henry Chinaski was wearing the same pants to school every day and getting his ass kicked for missing a blade of grass when he cut the front lawn.

Chinaski’s experience as a German immigrant also really hit me on a personal level. Like Chinaski, my father was also the son of Eastern European immigrants, and he too was chided by his peers and made to feel unwelcome for his immigrant status. It gave me a whole new appreciation for how difficult it was for my dad growing up. I wanted to reach out across four provinces and give him a great big hug.

Even though it was aggressively emo and made my cold sarcastic heart grow three sizes in one day,  I still thought this book was great, and would recommend it to anyone who is looking to take a step out of their reading comfort zone.

I give it: 4/5 Intellectual Dachshunds 

Intellectual Dachshund Says: I Feel Feelings

Question of the Day: What book has made a lasting impression on you?

And P.S. for those of you who are worried about my emotional health, rest assured that I am currently reading The Happiness Project.. which I’m told fixes every problem in your entire life. Right??

When Did Valentine’s Day Get Such a Bad Rap?

The other day, I got a package in the mail from my mom and dad. In it, was a little Valentine’s day gift (yes, I know I am 27 years old.. what is your point, please?), as well as this vintage looking card with Raggedy Ann on the front:

Curious, I opened it up to reveal that this was one of the cards I had given away myself in elementary school.

Cute, eh? I can’t say for sure, but I’m pretty sure I gave these out in grade 3. I also dressed up as Raggedy Ann for Halloween that year, so the timeline (and sadness) of it all would make sense.

Grade 3 was a bit of an awkward year for me.

Anyway, it all got me to thinking about Valentine’s days past.

I will take any excuse to use this flashback image.

Back when I was a kid, Valentine’s day was invariably awesome. I’d wake up to some little treat from my parents; a card with some chocolate, some new barrettes, maybe even a Barbie (!!!) and then sit down to what I can only assume were my dad’s attempt at heart-shaped pancakes.

He tried.

Then, I would deck myself out in red from head to toe (even the socks. I was a Valentine’s day extremist) and head to school, where we’d spend the morning fashioning little envelopes out of construction paper to hang on the edge of our desks to collect our Valentine’s bounty.

After lunch was when the magic happened: Everyone brought in some food item to share with the class; (homemade cupcakes if your mom was fancy; a box of Oreos in my case) and there was often a bowl of punch, which, as a kid always made you feel very grown up.

Then, when it was time, you’d walk around the room and drop your painstakingly chosen Valentines into the newly minted envelopes of each of your classmates. No one was ever left out; as the rule in my school was that everyone got a Valentine.

When all was said and done, I’d lay them all out on my desk; analyzing my haul the way I would my Halloween candy. Disney cards were always a constant; The Little Mermaid, Beauty and the Beast. Other themes varied from year to year. One year Power Rangers was big; another year I distinctly remember getting 6 separate Sailor Moon cards.

I can’t help but wonder; when did it all change? When did Valentine’s day go from being this awesome day filled with treats, kitschy cards and self-assurance; to the polarizing, commercial holiday it is today? When did we start calling it “Singles Awareness Day”, rather than just “Best Day Ever”?

Was it once elementary school ended, and the safety net of everyone getting a card was cruelly ripped out from under us? Or was it even sooner? Come to think of it, I remember as early as grade four, poring over the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles card given to me by my crush, analyzing the cryptic message inside. “You have a Pizza My Heart” it read. Did this mean we were officially an item now? He had pushed me in the mud earlier that day…

I can’t say for sure, but I kind of long to have those days back. I want to make sh*t out of construction paper again, and dress in monochromatic red with reckless abandon. I want to drink Hawaiian punch out of a fancy bowl and gorge myself on Grocery store slab cake. (Ok, that last part I will probably still do; though it will be in the solace of my own home rather than a classroom setting. And the punch will probably be spiked with the good stuff). Who’s with me? Let’s find a DeLorean and make it happen.

Question of the Day: When did your perception of Valentine’s Day shift?

Throwback Thursday: Where Are They Now?

I’m a sucker for a good Friends re-run.  Anytime I hear an episode playing, or catch a glimpse of it on TV, I automatically feel compelled to watch it.

It’s like I’m being pulled by some sort of centrifugal force. Kind of like how Kramer felt about Mary Hart…. only exactly the opposite.

Anyway, the other day I found myself watching an episode;  and as the iconic theme song filled the room, and my heart with nostalgia, I got to thinking about The Rembrandts.

Remember them? They had a massive hit back in 1995 with the mind-numbingly awful yet unbelievably catchy ”I’ll Be There For You” , but what have they done since?

A quick Google search informed me that The Rembrandts (otherwise known as Phil Solem and Danny Wilde) had one other hit: the emo slow jam “That’s Just the Way it is (Baby”). Apparently, however, the stress of 2 hit songs was too much for them, and they split up shortly thereafter. Solem wanted to concentrate on his own band Thrush, while Wilde released his own solo album.

Both of these solo efforts met with about as much success as David Schwimmer’s movie career:

So they eventually got back together in 2000, and have since released about 17 greatest hit(s?) albums. They also  write and produce music for other really current and relevant bands, like The Gin Blossoms. Other than that, I think they’re probably just busy hot oiling their hair, wearing round sunglasses, and cashing in on all their Friends royalties.

Syndication, baby! Ca-Ching! $$

Incidentally, that episode also guest-starred Jennifer Grey as Barry’s fiance, Mindy. Obviously I needed a little refresher on what Baby was up to as well.

Well, apparently that nose job wasn’t so “career ending” after all because home girl won Dancing with the Stars in 2010 and is now starring in lifetime movies! Holla!

Take that, haters!

All of this got me thinking back to some other forgotten has-beens celebrities from my past.. like:

B4-4

Canadian ladies of my vintage will undoubtedly remember the hot mess of seashell necklaces, spiky hair and sub-par vocals that was B4-4.

The band, which consisted of Toronto twins Ryan and Dan Kowarsky and their friend Ohad Einbinder,  hit it big in 2000 with their single “Get Down”:

WARNING: This video contains scenes some viewers might find disturbing. Like Orange and yellow parachute pants.. and Mank Tops.

I never heard much of them after this, but Wikipedia tells me that they went on to become a giant hit in Germany.

David Hasselhoff and B4-4? Germany, I may never understand you.

They also used their fledgling celebrity status for a good cause by promoting an anti- frosted tips Smoking Campaign for the European Union alongside Moby.

The band broke up shortly thereafter, and Ryan and Dan decided to branch out on their own and form the inventively named pop/opera duo “RyanDan” .

I just can’t even.

According to the RyanDan website, they are releasing a new album soon. Get ready ladies!!

And as for Also-ran (I mean, Ohad Einbinder), apparently he works in music production now and developed a pair of headphones that transform into a boombox. Watch out for the film adaptation in 2014 starring Shia Labeouf.

Natalie Imbruglia

The Australian sensation had a giant hit here in North America in 1997 with her song “Torn”, which I was legitimately obsessed with back in grade 6.

I made an entire mixtape of it just this song, and listened to it so much that my mom and dad tried to impose a two-times-a-day limit. I also got my hair cut just like hers; failing to consider that the effect might be slightly different on a prepubescent, mildly overweight 12-year-old than on an Australian pop star.

Once I had my haircut, I would put on my matching grey hoodie and Chinese print tee, set my mixtape to “play” and lip sync in front of the mirror for hours. I had all the moves from the video down pat.. which mostly involved flailing my arms around and looking distressed.

This was not a proud time in my life.

So what has she been up to since? Well, apparently she was a judge on Australian X-factor and was married to Daniel Johns from Silverchair, but is now divorced. Currently, she is an  unsigned artist.

I also stumbled across her Instagram the other day, which didn’t tell me much, except that she has long hair now, and really likes Koala Krisp:

Damn, that b*tch looks good in anything. Off to buy my own box of cereal and mimic this pose.

Question of the Day: Any forgotten celebs you’re wondering about?

(I’ll save you the 30 seconds and Google them for you)

Books I Read in January: Part 2

Did you all enjoy meeting Intellectual Dachshund last week?

He enjoyed meeting all of you, and is back to review two more books he (I mean “I”. This is getting confusing) read in January.

*Just as a head’s up, Intellectual Dachshund is known to be a bit of a tippler, and may be under the influence of a nice malt scotch or two while writing this. Glenfidditch or Johnny Walker Black Label most likely. He finds Lagavulin too peaty.

First up:

The Imperfectionists by Tom Rachman

I bought this book at a small, independent bookstore in Thornbury, Ontario. I was there for the weekend at a friend’s ski chalet, and we decided to do a little shopping downtown. I didn’t intend on buying anything, because I knew I could get all of the books way cheaper on Amazon, but there was  something about the charm of the bookstore, the lovely proprietor just chilling there with her cat, and  the picturesqueness of the small town that prevented me from leaving empty-handed.

Here is a picture of Thornbury:

See. It’s f*cking beautiful. No wonder I bought something.

If you’re ever in town, make sure to hit up Jessica’s Book Nook. And don’t forget to compliment her on her singing. I think she likes that.

The Imperfectionists is a story about a struggling English language newspaper in Rome, and the lives of the journalists who work there.  Each chapter follows a different member of the paper’s staff: from Herman, the cantankerous corrections editor, who terrorizes his staff with a monthly newsletter of the paper’s errors entitled,  ”Why?”, to Hardy, the unlucky in love business columnist, to Craig, the middle-aged news editor in romantic turmoil. Between each chapter are a few pages telling the history of the newspaper. I thought this was a nice segue and helped tie everything together.

I really enjoyed this book. I was impressed by how many individual narratives the author was able to weave together while still making each one strong on its own. He did a great job of telling a cohesive story and capturing the complexities of each character in just one chapter. At the end, I was left wanting more, but in a good way.

It’s also a great read if you have any interest in journalism. Tom Rachman himself used to be a journalist and brings a lot of his behind the scenes experience to the table.

Favourite Line: “You know, there’s that silly saying ‘We’re born alone and we die alone’ -it’s nonsense. We’re surrounded at birth and surrounded at death. It is in between that we’re alone.”

Overall Score: 4/5 Intellectual Dachshunds.

2. My Boyfriend Wrote a Book About Me- Hilary Winston.

Comedy writer Hilary Winston was browsing a bookstore one day when she stumbled across a title written by her ex-boyfriend, Kyle. She opened it up to reveal that this piece of “fiction” was largely about her. It revealed highly personal (and often unflattering) details of their 5-year-relationship, and referred to her several times as his “Fat-assed ex girlfriend”.

In response, she wrote her own book. Hers, however, is about much more than just her relationship with Kyle. In My Boyfriend Wrote a Book About Me, Winston lays bare her entire relationship and sexual history. From getting her sex-ed from reading Truly Tasteless Jokes, to storming in on her high school boyfriend with another woman, to her series of gay ex-boyfriends, it’s basically one shit storm after another. Interspersed throughout, are personal details of Winston’s private life, which mostly centre around her diabetic cat who won’t stop peeing all over her apartment. It’s all very, very sad.

  I can’t say I was a fan of this book.

Not like this

I picked it up thinking it would be along the same lines as Mindy Kaling’s book but it wasn’t at all. Though HIlary has written for such shows as My Name is Earl and Community, and parts of the book were funny, overall, I just found it really depressing.

Unlike Mindy, Hillary (at least for me) was not a likeable protagonist. I often found it difficult to relate to her, and caught myself thinking on more than one occasion “we would never be friends in real life”. It’s clear she’s still not over her ex – in the epilogue she mentions still texting him, which I think is sad after all he did to her.

But hey, what do I know- apparently she has signed a deal with Lorne Michaels to make this into a movie. And since Lorne can do no wrong in my opinion, I’m sure he’ll find someone likeable to play Hilary, tone down the sad and add in more funny, and it will become a cult classic.  We’ll see.

Favourite Line: “I have never felt more single than the night I stayed in to apply pro-active and a warm compress to my cat’s acne ridden skin.”

Overall score: 2/5 Intellectual Dachshunds.

Question of the Day: Have you read either of these books?  What about Mindy Kaling?

P.S. Keep the recommendations coming! I love it!

Books I Read in January: Part 1

You may recall that back in the beginning of January; I made a New Year’s Resolution to read 52 books in 2013.

Unlike my other resolutions of eating less cereal for dinner and actually putting on pants when I leave the house, I’m actually sort of keeping this one.

In the month of January, I read a total of 5 books. This is a big accomplishment for someone who typically only reads take-out flyers and the twitter feed for The Bachelor.

So to prevent all of that new-found knowledge from going to waste, I thought I would review some of the books I’ve read. For each book, I will give a short plot synopsis, followed by my thoughts, and a score of 1-5 Intellectual Dachshunds.

Why? Because this dachshund is reading Vonnegut, wearing a po’ boy cap, and smoking an extra long cigarette. He obviously knows a thing or two about literature..

DISCLAIMER: I am in no way qualified to conduct book reviews, nor do I hold an advanced degree in any of the literary arts. I am simply an enthusiastic young woman with a sixth grade education and an abiding love for all God’s creatures. (<– 1,000 bonus points for whoever can name that quote.)

1.       The Sense of An Ending - Julian Barnes

This book already won the Man Booker Prize, so I feel sort of unworthy to review it. It’s like when an amazing contestant auditions on American Idol, and Mariah Carey is all, “I can’t even critique that”.

But I’ll try.

The book centers on Tony Webster, a retired Englishman in his 60’s, who is unexpectedly bequeathed the diary of his old friend Adrian. Adrian had committed suicide decades earlier; but not before stealing Tony’s girlfriend. The gift sends Tony on an unexpected trip down memory lane, and we travel with him as he tries to make sense of it all, and come to terms with the past.

I really enjoyed this book. It was compelling, had some plot twists and turns (not like, M. Night Shyamalan or anything, but still good), and the prose was magnificent. I found myself re-reading a lot of passages. Plus- it’s short (150 pages) and a quick read.

Favourite Line: “History isn’t the lies of the victors, as I once glibly assured Old Joe Hunt; I know that now. It’s more the memories of the survivors, most of whom are neither victorious nor defeated.”

Overall Score:

5/5 Intellectual Dachshunds

Intellectual Dachshund says: “Jolly good show, sir!”

2. Mr. Penumbra’s 24 Hour Bookstore – Robin Sloan 

Since Sense of an Ending was a bit heavy, I wanted something light and fluffy to follow it.  Enter: Penumbra.

The story centers around Clay Jannon, an out-of-work San Francisco web-designer who takes a job working the night shift at Mr. Penumbra’s Bookstore. It doesn’t take long for Clay to realize that this isn’t your average bookstore: the shelves are 20 feet high and filled with obscure titles Clay is forbidden to read. Plus, no one ever comes in, except for the same, few patrons who request titles from the “secret section” in the back.

Obviously Clay has to get to the bottom of this. He enlists the help of his friends and cute, computer-nerd love interest, Kat, and together they embark on a trans-American journey of mystery, romance and computer programming.

If I had to describe this book in one sentence it would be “The Da Vinci Code for Millenials”. It involved a LOT of computer programming/social media stuff that made even me feel old. Aside from that, while I found it somewhat lacking in character development   it was still a light, enjoyable read. I can definitely see it being made into a cute indie flick. I’d cast Andrew Garfield as Clay and Aubrey Plaza as Kat.

Favourite Quote: “These days, the phone only carries bad news. It’s all “your student loan is past due” and “your uncle Chris is in the hospital.’ If it’s anything fun or exciting, like an invitation to a party or a secret project in the works, it will come through the internet.” 

Overall Score: 3/5 Intellectual Dachshunds

“Meh. It’s no Slaughterhouse 5″

3. On the Road - Jack Kerouac

I had seen this book on almost every Recommended Reading List and knew it was an American classic, but never got around to reading it. What finally pushed me was the movie The Perks of Being a Wallflower.

The main character, Charlie, a high school freshman, reads it and writes a book report on it.

Since I refuse to be outdone by some emo 15-year-old, I obviously had to read it too.

On the Road is based on Jack Kerouac’s travels across America in the late 1940’s with his friend Neal Cassady; the many experiences they had, and life lessons they learned along the way.

While this book was undoubtedly great, I found it difficult to get through. Kerouac’s writing style is like one, big, run on sentence with no punctuation and a lot of slang. (I later learned he did this on purpose to imitate the way jazz music sounds.) It commands a lot of focus and attention, and is not the kind of book you can just pick up for a few minutes; you really have to commit to it.

That being said, I’m really glad I read it. It was meaningful, poignant and definitely worthy of the “American Classic” title. A lot of the themes and characters are still resonating with me.  Plus, now I get to see the movie and be all “The book was so much better”.

Favourite Line: “What is that feeling when you’re driving away from people and they recede on the plain till you see their specks dispersing?- it’s the too-huge world vaulting us, and it’s good-by. But we lean forward to the next crazy venture beneath the skies.” 

Overall Score: 4/5 intellectual Dachshunds!

“This book was the bee’s knees man! Dig.”

Question of the Day: Have you read any of these books? Any recommendations?

Always Remember That You Are Unique. Just Like Everybody Else.

You guys, I have to begin with a piece of breaking news: SOMEONE RETURNED MY HAIRBRUSH!!!

The lovely cleaning lady at the gym took pity on me when I told her my harrowing tale of loss and sorrow, and directed me to a second location where they sometimes keep lost items. Lo and behold, there was my brush! AND my facewash!

My faith in humanity has been restored. Note, however, that the other two brushes remain outstanding.  This means that the probability of a BreezyK hair doll existing continues to be high.

Now onto item of business #2: Both Ross Murray and Twin Daddy gifted me with the Very Inspiring Blogger Award.

Ross is the hilarious and insightful blogger behind Drinking Tips for Teens, and, more importantly  a fellow Nova Scotian. Holla!

And of course, many of you know TwinDaddy of StuphBlog fame from his mysterious StormTrooper Avatar, faithful commenting and UnShitty Trademark. Now go and visit them both! (You know, after you finish reading this post.)

So the rules of the game are as follows:

• link back the person who nominated you (done),
• state 7 facts about yourself, and
• nominate 7 other bloggers for the award.

Wow, this is going to be so different from all my other posts! I never write about myself! (Just kidding, that’s all I do.)

Here goes:

1. I regularly walk into Godiva with no intention of buying anything. I just linger there long enough to get a free sample, then leave.

2. I went snowshoeing last weekend for the first time ever.

I’m not gonna lie, I kind of expected my snowshoes to look different.

Exhibit A: What I thought my snowshoes would look like:

 

Exhibit B: What my snowshoes actually looked like:

Oh well, it was still a lot of fun, and a surprisingly good workout. Here’s a pic of me and my friends, just killing it:

3. Speaking of killing it, remember my New Year’s resolution to read 52 books in 2013?

Well, I am pleased to report that I’m on book #5 so far this month. That’s right, fools. I eat pieces of literature for breakfast.

Here is the book I’m currently reading/something I hope never happens to me:

Maybe I’ll do some reviews??

4. Lately I’ve been having the urge to cut my hair like Tegan and/or Sara in the video for Closer:

I won’t do it though, because I fear it might be misinterpreted as a cry for help.

5.  Sometimes, when I’m running on the treadmill, I’ll just listen to the same song over and over again. Most recently, it’s been this one:

I used to think this was weird/OCD behavior, until Mindy Kaling Tweeted this:

Never stop being my soul sister, Mindy.

6. If you follow me on Twitter or Instagram (@breezyk1) then you already know this, but I went for a lovely 3.5 hour brunch with Karen of The Chronicles on Sunday.

Between us, we managed to consume 2 orders of eggs benedict, 7 americanos and an entire bag of donuts.

Hold your applause, please.

7. I went to a one-man show last night called Catalpa. It was at a little indie theatre in TO, and was all sorts of weird and amazing. Dude played over 20 characters himself, including a whale, a seagull and a storm. (Which, for the record, aren’t even human, so….) It’s playing until Saturday so, if you’re in the area, check it out!

Now, to nominate 7 other bloggers:

Lily – My long-legged Canadian homegirl who is also CRAFTY. Jealouss

Karen – As I’ve said before, passing on all blogging awards to her was a condition of our marriage contract.

Katie- She’s sassy and balderdashy. Is that an adjective? I just made it one.

Tori Nelson- Because she is a haute mess. And really, really funny.

Cowboys and Crossbones- Cause she loves cocktails, fashion and nail art just as much as I do.

New York Cliche- A new favorite of mine- I’m mostly jealous of her big apple life.

Cafe – My fellow Torontonian with a MAD set of pipes.

Also, the lovely and talented Sarah of Diary of a House Elf bestowed upon me the Wonderful Team Membership Reader Award.

Since I’m all tapped out of interesting facts, I”ll just skip straight to the 14 9 nominees. (14 is way higher than I can count).

Because I’m lazy they’re awesome, I’m also giving this one to the 7 b*tches above. And for the sake of equality (and the continuation of our blogging species) I’ll throw a couple guys into the mix:

• Our Life in 3D- he’s giving away candy canes and old Halloween treats! Seriously.
• Ben – because he really needs a reason not to be bitter.

Go check them out! Just don’t be disappointed when they aren’t as good as I am. Just kidding I’m not kidding.

Question of the Day: Have you ever been snowshoeing?

I swear that’s how you spell it.