Well folks, it’s that time of year again: when the red carpets get rolled out, the champagne flows like water and A-List celebs fill the streets of Toronto.
No, not my birthday, fools. Y’all know Ryan and I prefer to celebrate that with a nice bottle of Beaujolais and a quiet night in:
Of course, what I’m REALLY talking about here is TIFF: the Toronto International Film Festival.
Now for me, film festival time usually means putting my stalkin’ pants on and trawling the streets of Toronto with camera in hand, stopping only to stare in the windows of the Ritz Carlton while making this face:
Until I get escorted off the premises.
This year, however, I was given the chance to kick my stalking up a notch when my friend Michelle offered me an extra ticket to the premiere of the movie Spring Breakers.
A chance to see a cool movie and some celebs IRL? Sign me up. Plus, this was totally one of those things you could post on facebook to make yourself seem all cool and in the “scene” when really all you did was shell out 40 bucks and hit “Refresh” an exorbitant amount of times on your web browser.
The movie, directed by Harmony Korine, is about four college girls (Selena Gomez, Vanessa Hudgens, Ashley Benson and Rachel Korine) who rob a restaurant in order to fund their spring break trip to Saint Petersburg, Fla. Once there, they wind up hooking up with a corn-rowed, silver toothed drug dealer named “Alien” (James Franco) who gets them into some seriously un-Disney sh*t.
Sounds Oscar-worthy, right??
Since my 8-year-old-niece Lola is in love with Selena and for some reason is under the impression that I look exactly like her (ok, I paid her to say it), my ultimate goal was to solidify my role as “best aunt ever” by meeting Selena and taking a real photo with her to replace this splitscreen I
keep under my pillow and stare at every night made once as a joke for a blog post and never looked at again:
We arrived at the theatre somewhat late and were in a mad rush to pick up our tickets when we were stopped directly in our tracks by an oncoming limo. The door opened, and out walked Selena Gomez and Vanessa Hudgens. Not even 2 feet away from us.
Needless to say, by the time I came to, I totally missed my opportunity to
become besties with get a picture with Selena. Good thing I can still buy my niece’s affection with McDonald’s and other sh*t she’s not supposed to have.
Anyway, we watched the red carpet progression for a while, listening to hundreds of tweens shouting “SELENA I LOVE YOU” and “WHERE’S JUSTIN BIEBER” before making our way into the movie.
Now, the movie itself was sort of interesting and arty and all, but my enjoyment of it was somewhat hindered by the following factors:
- apparently they don’t serve popcorn at TIFF screenings?? Call me un-kla$$y, but for me, a movie without popcorn is like Ice without Coco. It just doesn’t work.
- I had chosen to wear my hair in a sock bun for the event:
which, although incredibly chic and red-carpet looking, also renders it damn near impossible to sit back in your chair like a normal person.
Finally, after an hour and a half of shifting hungrily in my seat, the movie was over and the cast & director came onstage for a brief Q&A.
This was cool, but would have been way MORE fun had my friend not grabbed my hand and pulled it back down whenever I tried to ask one of my many stupid (albeit hilarious) questions.
After the Q&A we hightailed it to the back entrance where we knew the stars would be exiting the theatre. Unfortunately, we weren’t the only ones who knew the secret and had to jostle into position with hundreds of other fans.
As I got my iPhone out and preset my instagram filter to “You wish your life was this cool“, I remembered an interview I saw recently with a 16-year-old American girl known as “Stalker Sarah“ for her talent of hunting down celebrities and getting her photo taken with them. Sarah has photos with over 5,000 celebrities, and prides herself in knowing all of the best stalking tactics.
As I dodged random elbows and struggled to see past the 6’4 man in front of me, I wondered to myself, “What would Stalker Sarah do?”… while at the same time cursing my own name for not having the same alliterative potential.
Un (?)fortunately my question remained rhetorical, because just then the cast busted out of the theatre and Running of the Bulls: Toronto Edition commenced. Somehow I managed to snap the following pic before I met my untimely demise of being trampled to death by a gaggle of crazed Selena Gomez fans:
Just kidding. I’m totally still alive. But what a way to go.
Question of the Day: Ever been to a movie premiere? Ever had a star sighting?