Entertainment / Humour / Life

All Shook Up

I watch the Today Show sometimes when I get ready for work in the mornings. I used to watch the BNN- the Business News Network… but then I realized that my true destiny lies not in being a serious businesswoman, but in being a bored housewife with a day-drinking habit… just like my life model, Jackie Taylor:

Thanks for the advice Miss AA.

Anyway, yesterday there was a story on about this dude from Colorado named Derek Amato who suffered a brain injury after diving into the shallow end of the pool (yes, apparently stupid sh*t like this happens in real life too- not just in after school specials) and woke up from his concussion a regular reincarnation of Wolfgang Amadeus.

Yep- while this guy couldn’t carry a tune in a bucket before his accident, suddenly he could tickle the ivories like nobody’s business. And not only can he now play the piano- he miraculoulsy can play like 6 other instruments too, including the cello and the violin.

He apparently can’t read music, but sees these little “black and white squares” floating around in his head, and when he does, he knows that’s his cue to sashay on over to the nearest instrument and get his music on. Obviously the world needs to hear that sh*t because he’s on album #2 already. Good for you, Derek. Way to monetize that noise.

According to some pasty-ass doctor who looks like Powder,  Amato has what is known as “acquired savant syndrome”. Which is really just fancy medical speak for his brain got all shook up and it changed things up in there.  This syndrome is apparently super rare, and only 30 people in the world have ever been diagnosed with it.

If you ask me, I don’t think it’s a rare medical issue causing all this. I think its the magic superpowers eminating from all those sessy bracelets he wears.

Note to self: wear more bracelets.

With all the face-eating cannibals and body part-mailing psychos in the world, it’s nice to hear a heartwarming, (albeit, strange-as-f*&k) story like this for a change. Plus, my weird mind seriously loves this kind of sh*t.  I thought about Yo Yo Ma over there all day yesterday, and more importantly, what superpowers the other 29 people in the world with this syndrome have developed. If it was me who dove into the shallow end of a pool (which, not gonna lie, is sounding more and more appealing every day) I’d want to wake up and be able to teleport. That way I could avoid being hot and having to deal with all the crazies on my way to work in the mornings. Or maybe I’d choose to be really good at water sports. I don’t know. Obviously this is going to require more thought.

In the meantime, I hope Derek learns how to play this song.. because it should be his theme music, and they should play it everywhere he goes:

Question of the Day: What Savant-Like Skill would you want to develop?

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27 thoughts on “All Shook Up

  1. Is this style of reporting common where you are? The over-emphasis of almost every word is killing me…

    ‘…he dived into the SHALLOW END of the pool, and hit his head. HARD….he SAT down and played, like he’d been DOING IT for YEARS’.

  2. I agree with teleportation for things like getting to work, or the cottage, and while we’re on that theme, I think flying could be pretty awesome too.

  3. If I suffered a serious brain injury, then above all else, I would want to develop the ability to spread butter without tearing the bread to buggery.

    I watched all 1:39 of that Beverly Hills clip. I think that puts my total exposure to 90210 at around the two minute mark now.

    • Do you refrigerate your butter, or are you just way too aggressive? Either way, it sounds like a problem you could fix without having to use up your once in a lifetime savant power. That’s right. you only get one.

      And also, you clearly need more 90210 in your life.

  4. Can I have flying and invisibility please? Oh wait, these are really more superpowers than savant aren’t they? Oh well, I’ll have my fantasies as I please!

  5. Is shape shifting a savant super power? I guess I’d go with the old card counting. I’d also like incredible strength and good looks to go with it. I don’t want the casino goons to think they have a chance at beating me with their fists.

    • Great combo. What kind of shapes would you want to shift into?
      I think i’d skip the card counting and just ask for a money machine. That’s not a savant power at all. I think we’ve transitioned into straight up wishes now.

  6. This all sounds terribly familiar. I saw an episode of Gilligan’s Island wherein the title character is conked on the head with a coconut, and it altered the alignment of the fillings in his teeth to make his head into a radio. His fellow castaways fought to have the shows of their preference (The Howells wanted the financial reports, Ginger wanted the Hollywood reported, etc). The episode wrapped up with Gilligan hitting his head again and losing the power to be a human radio.

    If Mr. Amato wants to keep wowing people on the TV, he better wear a helmet. By my expert calculations, he’s only one coconut away from just being another shlub on the street.

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