While I would by no means consider myself a Monarchist, I will admit that the Royal Family has done a lot for society. Specifically, Queen Victoria.
Why Vicky? You might ask. Well, for starters, she:
- was the longest reigning Monarch in history, and ruled the British Empire during its most glorious and powerful days:
(Just kidding, I bet it was more like this:)
- harnessed her baby making prowess to produce 9 offspring, which ultimately resulted in one Prince Hot Ginge:
- gave mad face all day, every day.. like in this photo:
- inspired really fancy and uncomfortable chairs like these ones:
- and- most importantly, gave us Canadians a brief reprieve from the soul-sucking power of The Man and an excuse to get Sunday-drunk each third Monday in May for the past 150 years. That’s right, my friends- I’m talkin about Victoria Day. Or, if you like to keep it kla$$y, the May 2-4 weekend.
So this past weekend, while pretty much every other pretentious urbanite and their Goldendoodle packed up their Tumi luggage and coordinated casual wear and headed to their million-dollar Muskoka “cottages”, I chose to stay here in Toronto, instead. Why? because I
had work committments am a renegade. Yep. bet you couldn’t tell, but under my suit, I’m hiding my own drum. And guess what? I march to the beat of that sh*t.
My best friend was here in the city too, and we decided to make the most of our long weekend by
drinking excessively exploring everything Toronto had to offer. We started out Friday night with drinks at Lee , a Toronto hotspot owned by famous foodie and Top Chef alum Susur Lee.
I’m a big Top Chef fan, and have been to Lee a couple of times before, but have never actually caught a glimpse of Susur himself.. so this time, I was really hoping to.
While we pretended to be fabulous and sipped on $20 cocktails, I told my friend Lia about an article I had read recently naming Susur’s undergrad-aged sons as two of Toronto’s 30 Most Eligible Men. The bartender I guess had overheard me, and looked up from the ginger he had been muddling with unbelievable precision, and said: “there’s one of them right there“.
I turned around to see the older of the two (with the shaved head, above) waiting on the table behind us, and almost choked on my Saketini. Think Taylor Lautner meets David Beckham, but in an attainable sort of way. So what if he was only 21? Don’t they always say there’s something sexy about an older woman? I was admiring his tattoo sleeve and daydreaming about us laughing over Japanese Margharitas and listening to Motown on vinyl as he taught me how to Julienne vegetables, when I heard a voice snap me back to reality:
“Hello”, it said.
I turned on my stool to see Susur standing beside me, in all his ponytailed, chef-coated glory.
I was like:
Now, let me just preface this by saying that I am from a small town.. and up until this point, the biggest “celebrity” I had ever encountered was Bubbles from The Trailer Park Boys. And I didn’t even actually talk to him.. I just admired his bottle-cap glasses from across the room.
Anyway, I could feel my cheeks burning red, and after what felt like an eternity, managed to squeak out an awkward “hello” before burying my face in my drink and praying for the floor underneath my barstool to open up and swallow me.
I’d hate to see what happened if I ever met an actual celebrity. I’d probably throw up on their shoes.
Anyway, this post was really supposed to be a summary of my entire weekend.. but somewhere between the wing-backed Victorian furniture and that highly unflattering John C. Reilly gif, I guess the wheels sort of fell off somewhere. (I blame the tequila. That shit’ll get you every time.)
I guess you’ll just have to wait until tomorrow to read about Part Two of my epic Victoria Day Weekend adventures… and after the quality piece of literature you’ve just read… well, I can’t see how you wouldn’t be dying to come back. Just don’t all come crashing the site at once now, ok?… my server can’t handle that sh*t.
Ok, I’m really done now.
Question of the Day: Have you ever met a celebrity??
And if so, did you play it cool, or did you channel Captain Awkward of the Awkward Brigade like I did?