As my friends Young American Wisdom, Our Life in 3D, H.E. Ellis (and I’m sure many more) can attest- the mind of a child is a fascinating, complex- and most of all, hilarious thing. Often, when hanging out with my 7 year old niece, Lola, I find myself wondering what’s going on inside that little miniature brain of hers.
Actually, I know what she’s thinking about: those babies she’s always carting around. It must be stressful having like, 10 kids. I think she sings herself to sleep every night with “What would you do” by City High… I would.
Well, if you, like me- have wondered the same thing about those smaller-than-average-humans in your life- then do I have a treat for you today!
Back in the summer, when cleaning out my childhood bedroom , I came across this little gem:
What is behind that glorious Lisa Frank cat encrusted cover? You might ask. That, my friends- is my childhood diary. Given to me for my 7th birthday, it has preserved all of my little childhood secrets for almost 20 years…….. it’s sort of like the Dead Sea Scrolls. Only with worse spelling… and of no cultural, historic or religious significance.
Anyway, after I rescued this gem from the brink of obscurity last year, I sort of forgot about it… that is until last night, when, during a wine infused house-cleaning blitz (always a good idea) I stumbled across it again, and spent a good half hour reading it and laughing hysterically to myself.
So I thought I would share a few excerpts with you guys. Keep in mind, my objectivity may have been (definitely was) compromised, so you might not find it as funny as I did… but I’m still going to post it because I guarantee it’s much better than anything I could ever write now.
- I was a highly unusual child. (You’ll see)
- For some reason, in the entries below, I felt the need to be incredibly profound, and at times, poetic. Just go with it.
- Most of my friends were imaginary. I cannot guarantee that any of the names you will see below refer to actual, real live children.
Now that that’s out of the way- here goes (I have preserved original spelling/grammar for your viewing pleasure. You’re Welcome. )
November 16, 1992:
Today my mom got me my first diary. I can’t wait to write more stories. I am shure I will have an exciting year. today we started practicing for our christmas concert. Mrs. Renouf said that she was proud of us for learning that song so quickly. We were in the lead because we have the most stickers. We are talking about bed time in school . I have a cruch on two people. Brian and Dillon. but I geuss none of them will ever like me”. [Ed. note: Chin up, little breezyk! boys dig confidence! You will learn this
by 26. ......someday.]
November 17, 1992:
Today I fell in the mud twice. I was humilyated by all my friends. [Ed note: does anyone remember falling in the mud as a kid? totally humilyating] The worst part is that I fell two times. [totally the worst part]. I wish people would learn that if they laugh at someone when they fall, the next person might be them. Besides, it’s not nice to laugh. I was lucky Dillon didn’t laugh at me…….. I try to make the most out of life. It’s the only one I have. These secrets are for your ears alone, so keep them secrets diary.
December 2, 1992:
Today I had a horable brainstorm. [Ed. note: hate those!] You wouldn’t believe what happened. Ashley said I made her troll fall. And she started to cry. I was not even there. And now she doesn’t like me but I still have friends. Then two boys started muttering to me. Then on the bus every body was pushing me. Then when I got home I dropped my Mr. Misty all over the floor [ed note: looking back, this was probably fate saying: "newsflash: you're mildly overweight. Put down the Dairy Queen, kid"] Then I talked to my mom about it and she said It’s all right, it happens all the time. I felt better after I told someone. I have to say, I really wish my mind would make up its own mind. [Amen, sista].
December 19, 1992:
I feel terrible because I hurt my brother. It is the worst thing I ever did. It would be horible if any thing like that ever happened again. Although we fight alot I really love him. He is very nice in some ways I hate to say this But he’s one of a kind. [ed note: Kristin- don't say I never said anything nice about you]
There’s way more, but to be honest, that’s about all my self-esteem can handle for today (I considered posting the “About me” page, on which I list my favourite song as being “Sometimes Love Just Ain’t enough” by Annie Lennox… but the remainder was just too embarassing. Even for me).
Question of the Day: Did you have a diary as a kid?
P.S. if this is the second time you are receiving this post in your inbox- I apologize. My fat, hongray fingers accidentally hit “publish” before that shit was ready. my bad.