On a scale from 1-10 for music snobbery (one being a Belieber, 10 being Rob from High Fidelity), I’d rate myself at about a 7. Sure I read Pitchfork; listen to bands that most people have never heard of; and go to gigs at questionable establishments with fellow shoe-gazing hipsters- but I’m also a sucker for a good pop tune. I have been known to rock out to Nicki Minaj and Rihanna on the treadmill, and have a serious love for both the X-Factor and American Idol.
While I allow myself certain inconsistencies in this regard, I have some pretty high standards for indie credibility when it comes to potential suitors. If you refer to a “progressive trance element” when describing your favourite musical genre, or if your idea of a good time involves fist-pumping at a college bar to “Don’t Stop Believing”- then things between us probably aren’t going to work out. (I’m even more harsh with my comedy-I once famously dropped a guy for not knowing who Jason Schwartzman was). That being said- I’m not an absolutist. If a guy is cute enough, all can be overlooked- I’ll just inundate him with a steady stream of mix-tapes and hope that he will one day eventually adopt all of my musical taste through auditory osmosis.
It appears that I am not alone in my quest for a musical soulmate: as evidenced by the online dating site, Tastebuds.fm, that matches people based on their musical preferences. Turns out these indier-than-thou online daters are MUCH more discerning than I am about taste, and have compiled a list of the Top 10 music turnoffs- Artists they say that are most likely to destroy your chances at dating.
According to them, you should never, EVER admit to liking these artists on a first date if you don’t want to end up alone, surrounded by too many cats and the stench of your own romantic failures:
10. Britney Spears
Oh Brit Brit. The world has not been kind to you, my cheeto-loving shampoo-hating friend. What happened to the days when you were the number one pop princess in the world?? Now you’re even last on the list of biggest cock-blocks. Ultimate burn.
9. Lil’ Wayne
100% agree on this one. Homeboy is all wiry and tattooed, and angry.. quite frankly even the mention of his name scares the sh*t out of me…. .
8. Katy Perry
Aah Creed. I sort of forgot about their existence until I read this article… and it of course it prompted me to go back and watch all of their videos for the hard-rock-yet-subtly-Christian classics such as “Higher” and “With Arms Wide Open“. … after all of this, I’ve decided that, while listening to Creed may not get you laid, having a haircut like Scott Stapp’s definitely will.
This one is a little surprising to me, because I don’t think U2 actually suck that badly. Is it all of Bono’s humanitarian efforts?? I get that philanthropy can sometimes be a buzz-kill, but c’mon guys..
Sigh. So much potential.
I think the takeaway here, really, is don’t replace any of the “S”‘s in your name with dollar signs, and people won’t hate you. It’s just that simple.
3. Lady Gaga
My heart breaks a little on this one, as I love me some Gags. Oh well, good thing I’m supremely dateable in all other aspects of my life.
2. Justin Bieber
Insert Mariah Yeater/ Baby Daddy/One Less Lonely Girl/ Selena Gomez/ joke here ________.
I think we can all agree on this one. Chad Kroeger- just stop. Seriously. In the name of love.
Question of the Day: What musical act(s) do you think are the biggest cock-block?
P.S. Don’t forget to enter my Lucky Charms giveaway below- you know you waaaant to….