There are a few things in life that I could do without. In fact, there are some things that, frankly, irk me enough to want to write about them on my blog. I thought about presenting these things to you in a list, like “Things that Piss me off” or “People I hate“ , but that’s just not really my style. Though I talk a good game, I’m not generally a bitter or angsty person.. and my East Coast upbringing basically precludes me from being too aggressive or angry about anything. That’s just not how we roll.
I also can’t help the fact that I grew up in a generation where praise and accolades were handed out with reckless abandon, and bad news, if delivered at all, was delivered in the form of a “praise sandwich” : criticism (the “meat”), cushioned before and after by praise and affirmations (the “bread”).
So, that being said- I’ve decided to implement a new feature on my blog whereby I present to you both a few things that I am currently into (aka “Turn up the Good”); and a few things that
we could probably all I could benefit from doing without (aka “Turn down the Suck“).
**If you aren’t familiar with the title of this post- it is actually a quote from arguably one of the best pieces of Canadian Cinematography ever made: Fubar. Think “This is… Spinal Tap” meets “Joe Dirt”…. (Disclaimer: Although awesome, according to wikipedia, the “F” word appears in this film 274 times… so if you are easily offended, watch at your own risk!!)
Turn Up the Good:
- The New Girl - I’ve been a fan of Zooey Deschanel and her manic-pixie-dream-girl schtick since I first saw her in Almost Famous, and her new show is no different. I think the dynamic of the characters is great- and I am obsessed with the idea of the “Douchebag Jar”- a mason jar her three male roommates put a dollar in every time they say something douchey. I think I need one of these. Only, I live alone… so I’d really be making myself accountable for all of my douchey thoughts. I sense a bit of a moral hazard issue here.
- Godiva Chocolate Almond Butter Bat Truffles – Ok I’ll just admit it. Whenever Im in the mall, I go in Godiva solely to get a free sample. But, like a chump, I always walk out $12.86 later with two miniscule truffles held in a bag constructed with the scraps of my willpower. Yesterday was no exception. But if these Halloweeny delectably chocolatey nut butter pieces of heaven are wrong.. well then I don’t wanna be right.
- Benefit “They’re Real” Mascara- at the risk of alienating all of my male readers in one fell swoop (aka my dad and two older brothers) I just need to talk about mascara for a minute. My BFF sales associate at the Shoppers Drug Mart Beauty Bar, Jenna gave me this hot little tip (we talk alot when I go in. Remember, I live alone), and I must say it is probably the best mascara I have ever used. Totally worth the $29 price tag. Even if I won’t be able to eat
trufflesfor the next week.
- The new season of SNL- Alec Baldwin was bomb as host- as always. His Tony Bennett impression was spot-on; and I loved Top Gun: Lost Screen Shots, and “Who’s On Top“. Can’t wait for Melissa McCarthy.
- My last week of unemployment - So I have been off work for almost four full months now… and while I went on an amazing trip to Europe (post recap to come!), and learned a lot about myself, I also became a shut in for a hot minute, and learned a lot about myself. Probably time to get this girl back to work. (And lets face it… judging from the above items on this list, I could do with a little bit of real world stimulation).
Turn Down the Suck:
- Girls who put on their facebook statuses that they are having a “dance party!!” - especially when they add details; like ”complete with Feather boa!!” or ”I’m a Barbie Girl, In a Barbie Worldddd!” . Honey, I can assure you that the only thing this is doing is making sure that you remain single for a very, very, long time (I can say that, safely assured that this blog is increasing my own prospects).
- The barrista at Starbucks who attempts to “Get something started” for you when you are 10 people down the line. Placing an order at Starbucks is an awkward enough experience, what with having to say words like “2 pump”, “venti”, and ”extra hot” (not to mention the “That’s what she said” implications) …but when you have to yell it over a crowd of people? Yahnotsomuch.
- Nicole Scherzinger as a judge on X-Factor. Nicole- I hate to break it to you, but no matter how many times you bust into an unsolicited rendition of “I will always Love You“ you are not, nor will you ever be Whitney. Nor are you J.Lo. Your solo career has got about as much traction as all-seasons in a Halifax winter. I think I speak for everyone when I say Bring back Cheryl Cole and her adorable cockney accent!!
- The Help: Ok so I know I’m a little late to the game on this one, given that the movie came out a few weeks ago now… but seriously- enough’s enough. Yah yah, I know, the “characters are so well-developed”, and its “soooo well acted” and thatEmmaStoneissohotrightnow and blah de blah blah. I get it. Stop talking about it. (And yes I know it may sound hypocritical that I am hating on the Help’s hype while also sharing my love of X-Factor… but just indulge me this one little inconsistency, ok?)
Incidentally all this talk of “turning down the suck” has also made me think of this scene from friends:
Bye bye, Little Puppet Joey Hand.
So tell me – what do you want to Turn up the Good and Turn down the Suck on, lately?
And P.S. I’m truly sorry if you loved “The Help”. Sorry for you, that is muhahaha….